Danica Patrick Fills Out A Pair Of Golf Pants, 'Masters Girl' Gives A Sad Update & Cavinder Twins Go Baywatch!

Happy Hump Day! And if that ain't an American-made hump, it's about to be tariffed so hard your HEADS will spin. 

We're here, boys and girls. The US-China trade war we've been building toward for decades now. Is this how y'all felt when Reagan took on the Soviet Union in the 80s? I've never actually witnessed a dick-measuring contest play out like this – or ever, for that matter – and I cannot stop watching. 

Think about this … we live in such insane times right now that CNN had a TARIFF COUNTDOWN ticker on their shows last night. Now, nobody watched, so it was all for naught, but still … pretty wild:

Amazing. I said it last summer, and I'll say it again today as we near this summer: I think we're in for a #content run this second half of 2025 that we've never experienced before. 

Tariffs, inflation, recession, golden age, stock market boom, income tax, no income tax … it's all on the table. Most importantly, so is The Masters … let's roll. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we gear up for Augusta with Danica Patrick and go from there. 

SIGN UP for The Daily OutKick. New Look, Same Attitude.

What else? I've got legendary Masters Girl Aaliyah Kikumoto stopping by with some sad news, the Cavinder Twins doing a Baywatch-themed workout on the beach, and the worst minor league baseball team you've ever seen. 

How's THAT for a Hump Day menu? Oh yeah! Maybe future president Stephen A. Smith will stop on by before we close up shop for the day. 

That's right. Future president! Y'all in or out on this dude? I've long said SAS puts my brain in a pretzel, and I STILL can't figure him out today. You'll see. 

Grab you an iPhone, STAT, before they cost $35,000, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

Where do we stand on Stephen A. Smith?

Might as well just start with SAS, right? Danica can wait! 

So, apparently, Stephen is running for president in 2028. He claims people on Capitol Hill have been blowing up his phone. I'm not sure if I buy that, but I do believe he's seriously thinking about it. 

Now, my big question? What the hell does he run as?

So, anyone with eyes has seen SAS jump into politics over the past year or so. Most of the time, he's relatively sane, believe it or not. I think he's a closet Republican, personally. But, I also think he might be full of shit. 

He's sort of like Robert California from that glorious season of The Office. 

This one:

I think he's the perfect character comp to Stephen A. Smith. But, to be fair, I probably said the same thing about Trump 9 years ago. So, perhaps he's onto something?

In any event, here's one thing I'm quite sure of: this poll is the biggest pile of BS I've ever seen. There's just no way this is anywhere close to accurate:

Let's do a quick heel turn and head down to Jupiter!

Yeah, there's no way. Zero chance. Even with the ongoing trade war, JD Vance would crush any Democratic opponent to dust in an actual poll. 

I'd wager that most of the country has no clue who Stephen A. Smith is. Nobody watches ESPN – especially the voters SAS would need in order to win a presidential election. 

Whoever the lunatics over at Overton are, probably thought Kamala was a shoo-in last fall, too. 

PS: halfway-stable Democrats (if they even still exist) will admit that this hypothetical debate would be a bloodbath of epic proportions. Come on. Would make the Walz-Vance debate from last year look like kid's play. 

OK, enough politics for now. We're all tired of it. I get it. The First Lady grills me every day about the ongoing tariff war, as if I know what the hell is going on. Nobody does. That's what makes this so much fun. We're having fun, right? Right?!

Speaking of … let's head down to Jupiter, where the Hammerheads – the Single-A affiliate of the disgraceful Miami Marlins – literally forgot how to throw a baseball last night:

It's Masters Eve & the Cavinder Twins take us into the big day!

My God … 22 walks!!! 

For context, according to MLB.com, that's the most by a full-season Minor League team … ever! The Major League record for walks (19) was set by the 1971 Washington Senators. 

I didn't think any of that was possible – and I played for, easily, the worst D-3 baseball team in America from 2012-2015. Believe me, I know a thing or two about terrible baseball. 

We never, ever, walked 22 batters. Ever. Sure, we gave up 22 runs all the time. That was a walk in the park. But we never actually walked 22 batters. That's almost impossible to do. 

Seven runs scored via walk. Two more scored via hit-by-pitch. And one more crossed home plate via wild pitch. Ten of the 19 runs scored last night were because Marlins pitchers forgot how to throw a baseball. 

Frankly, it serves the organization right for all the good they've undone over the years. The old-school logo. The name. Playing in an open-air football stadium in the dead of summer in Florida. 

Look what they stole from us:

I will never forgive them. Crooks! 

OK, rapid-fire time on the way out, because it's getting late and we haven't had enough hot girls/Masters talk around here today. 

Let's fix it … starting with Danica Patrick! Our girl hit the links yesterday to get ready for a big weekend of golf, and she caught everyone's attention:

FORE! Love when Danica checks in from the fairway. I remember years ago when she first shook the golf world when she picked up a club for the first time. Her swing drove Americans crazy. They broke it down like game film. 

And now? She's hitting stingers to within three feet on Masters Eve in a pair of form-fitting pants. True vet. Don't forget where you saw it first. 

Remember, we're always ahead of the trends here. Always. 

Speaking of … remember where you first met Masters Girl Aaliyah Kikumoto? OutKick. Can't believe it's been two years since the Texas Tech cheerleader blew up the CBS broadcast on the 16th hole on a Sunday at Augusta. Time flies!

Sadly, she will NOT be returning to Augusta National this week. She did, however, just finish up a big few weeks on the court. 

Oh well. Priorities, I reckon. 

So do we, Aaliyah. Perhaps someone else can carry the torch this year. We'll see. 

OK, that's it for today. I have to go check my 401K for the first time in a week. I hear it's looking better!

Let's head on into Round 1 with Haley and Hanna Cavinder, who grabbed the TikTok world by the nuts this week with a Baywatch workout video. 

(It's followed by a Twitter link because China-owned TikTok is being super weird today and I'm not sure if it's gonna work. Raise the tariff, Trump! I want it at 500%!)

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You think China bends the knee? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.