Danica Patrick 'Blacks Out With Her Rack Out,' Most-Searched Nude Celebs & Bill Belichick Can't Set His Clock
After the hottest weekend in Florida since the Dolphins were still in first place in the AFC East (sad), we all woke up to blue skies and 50s this morning.
And, frankly, I can't think of a better way to start a work week. I'm also doing that stupid three-day reset again that I did last fall because my dad bod has morphed into a winter dad bod, and that's a recipe for disaster.
So, I won't eat for three days and buy myself some more time to work out all the kinks. I'm also not supposed to drink, which should be a ton of fun. Can't wait.
On that ominous note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we get tanked with Danica Patrick, make fun of Russell Wilson, and battle a clock with Bill Belichick.
I mean, does it get any better? Probably, but we're still gonna have fun. We're having fun!
Red, White & Blue Danica Patrick will join today's class, which is always a good time. I really didn't wanna make fun of Russell Wilson, either, but he dropped maybe the worst "hype video" of all time last night while I was sleeping so he left me no choice.
What else? The 2023 recap of most-searched nude celebrities is out, and it's a doozy. I didn't see No. 1 coming and I definitely didn't see No. 2.
Bill Belichick has been in the news all day because the new Patriots documentary is under fire for making him look like the bad guy. But that's not what I'm talking about. You'll see.
Oh yeah! The entire Get Up! panel wanted to murder each other this morning at various times, so we'll delve into that, too.
Please, for the love of God, grab a drink while I sip my "hunger control" powder and settle in for a Monday 'Cap:
It's the start of a new league year, so let's start with Russell Wilson
I LOVE this time of year for the NFL. Some think it's dead. Oh no, no, no. It's very much alive.
The next 72 hours on Twitter are ELECTRIC in the NFL world, because that's when the new league year starts, and players who have been illegally talking to other teams for the past month can now legally talk to them. It's awesome.
Now, as a Dolphins fan, this week may suck because we have no money and have to pay Tua a billion dollars and won't be able to sign anyone else. So, that's cool.
But, for most teams not in financial hell, it'll be fun.
Now, late last night, resident Nightcaps attendee Russell Wilson agreed to sign with the Pittsburgh Steelers.
You all know my feelings on Russ at this point – he makes me want to yank my hair out. He's insufferable. He used to be an awesome dude, but the last few years have been BRUTAL.
The Mr. Unlimited stuff.
The Subway commercials.
The Let's ride! crap.
The airplane aerobics.
The having his own parking space AND office at the facility.
It's just brutal. He was honestly not awful last year, and he may be a good fit in Pittsburgh, but everything else is just so bad it negates any of the good stuff.
Exhibit freaking A:
ESPN's Get Up! panel loves Mr. Unlimited, too!
What is THAT? That's the hype video? That's it? It literally just looks like a bunch of cell phone cam footage of fans waving terrible towels and … that's it.
I think it's the worst hype video I've ever seen. Seriously. I just don't get it. I'm AWFUL with anything creative like that. The First Lady is the creative one in the family.
But I can confidently say I could do that in about 20 minutes. Maybe less. Now that I'm not drinking or eating until Thursday, I can probably pump that out before I finish this. I just don't understand.
Anyway, moving on …
… sort of!
The folks over on ESPN's Get Up! talked a little Mr. Unlimited today, and things went off the rails pretty quickly. Not to be outdone, Greeny also basically called Mike TannenBUM a loser to his face, which I quite enjoyed.
Bill Belichick must be so late to everything today
How about the attitude on Dan Graziano there? It's SPIIIIIIIIIIIICY, as Russell Wilson would say.
Sorry in advance:
I mean, good God. Shocked that the Dangerwich never panned out. Can't imagine why.
Now, let's stay in the NFL for just a bit longer before we talk Danica Patrick and naked celebs.
Bill Belichick has been all over the twitter lately because this Patriots dynasty docuseries is going viral. I haven't watched it because I have a toddler and I don't watch things any more unless they're animated, but apparently it's been giving off major anti-Belichick vibes and the NFL ain't pleased with that:
The conspiracy theorists out there are pointing the finger at Bobby Kraft, because the series is made by Kraft Productions, and they think Robert's out to get Bill now that he's gone.
Director Matthew Hamachek has since come out and said that's all hogwash because what the hell else is he gonna say? But I dunno. My tin-foil hat is HUMMING right now.
We're very much pro-Bill around here, as you know. Leave him alone, losers.
Anyway, I don't really care about any of that. What I do care about is this little gem I found while trying to figure out why Belichick was trending yesterday:
Nude celebs is a mind-bender & spring break is here
I mean, it's just so relatable. It literally happened to me this morning.
I got in my truck to go get some non-fat milk to mix with my fancy breakfast shake, and the clock was obviously an hour behind.
I wrestled with this thing for a solid two minutes. Got it to finally start to change, but me – being an idiot – didn't realize you could just simply change the hour number.
Nope. Instead, I changed the minutes -- all the way back an hour, one number and one click at a time.
When I finally got it set, I went back to the main screen, where the clock promptly went right back to the original time. I forgot to save it. I eventually gave up and will now give it another go tomorrow morning.
End of story. What a rush.
Rapid-fire time on the way out!
First up? Apparently, Big Bother has been tracking all your pervy searches over the past year and we now know exactly which celeb everyone wants to see naked the most.
Drum roll please!
A study conducted by LELO.com identified the most wanted celebrity nudes that people are searching for online.
Jennifer Lawrence tops the list of most wanted celebrity nudes, with 1.2 million people searching for them online. Another popular inquiry is "Jennifer Lawrence OnlyFans," highlighting the public's interest in seeing her in a more revealing manner. Lawrence's nude photos are particularly popular in Wyoming.
Billie Eilish is second on the list with 450K online searches. Her nudes are most sought after in Kentucky, where people also search for "Billie’s sexy breast pictures."
Fascinating. Did NOT see Billie Eilish coming in second. What a twist. And how about the folks in Wyoming just pining for a Jennifer Lawrence OnlyFans page? Wild.
Margot Robbie checks in fourth, which isn't surprising. Megan Fox is eighth, which seems low but she's also pretty much naked in every Instagram post at this point, so they aren't that hard to find.
Rounding out the top-10 is, of course, Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones. Again, not hard to find naked Emilia Clarke on the internet after those eight seasons.
No, I'm not posting any of that here. We have class. We've all seen it. Find it yourself.
My early prediction for this year? Sydney Sweeney will overwhelmingly take the top spot when it's all said and done. It's the Year of Sid the Kid. No getting around it.
I would imagine Taylor Swift will also be high on the next list as well. Good luck to all!
Finally, looks like the crack-down on spring breakers is NOT going well here in the great, big, beautiful, free state of Florida.
Danica Patrick takes us into a big week
My God. She ripped her wig off! Ruthless stuff, and I'm afraid it's only the beginning. Buckle up, folks. March is here.
Just remember, we're a Law & Order state down here. We don't take kindly to the nonsense. Save that stuff for Gavin's crime-riddled California where you can get away with it no-sweat!
OK, that's it for today. Loaded potato of a class, huh? God, I'd like one of those right now, too.
Off to the stove to heat up my collagen soup. Save us, Danica.
Let's go have a week.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
How miserable was your spring forward experience? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.