Dan Orlovsky Eats Like A Weirdo, Remembering Dennis Green, Deion And Kelce Hype's Gone Too Far, Youngstown State's Mady Aulbach And We Hit 2000!
They are who we thought they were, but we're not about to let 'em off the hook! Instead, we're going to celebrate throughout today's version of Nightcaps. We're commemorating the anniversary of that Denny Green rant and then applauding some ice cream with a scoop from Dan Orlovsky. But that's not all, we'll pop some of the finest champagne around (here's to you, Moet!) to toast hitting 2,000 (I'll explain) and applaud Youngstown State's Mady Aulbach.
Before we get to crowning any of the above asses, we've gotta put a stop to the Deion Sanders/Colorado/Travis Kelce madness! And maybe we'll trade champagne for whatever Erin Andrews is sipping (we'll get there).
But don't flip out about any of the above, leave that to Tyreek Hill and the Cleveland Browns.
So let's not waste anymore time. Let's do Denny proud and take the damn field, Nightcaps style - which means drink in hand and inhibitions out the window.
Remembering Epic Dennis Green Rant
Zero chance I was going to bury the lead and opt for anything other than Dennis (or Denny, take your pick) Green's epic rant as coach of the Arizona Cardinals to get us started. It was 17 years ago that Green delivered one of the greatest postgame news conferences in NFL history after his birds lost to the Bears on Monday Night Football.
Arizona entered 1-4 while the Bears were 5-0. Despite the disparity in their records, the Cardinals were up 23-10 on Chicago. But they eventually relinquished the lead late and lost. That sent Green off and into internet lore.
"...The Bears are who we thought they were," Green insisted at the time. "And that's the way we took the damn field! Now if you want to crown 'em, then crown their ass! But they are who we thought they were! And we let 'em off the hook!"
Watch it. Live it. Watch it again.
Legendary stuff. RIP to the legend Coach Green.
Dan Orlovsky Eats Mentos Like A Weirdo
Though the '06 Cards let the Bears off the hook, we're still undecided on if former QB-turned-ESPNer, Dan Orlovsky, should be allowed such freedoms. See, over the weekend, the Mothership's Laura Rutledge revealed to her X followers (no, I don't mean former followers, I'm referring to people on that thing most of us still call Twitter) that Orlovsky eats Mentos like an absolute alien.
I mean, I'm willing to bet there's legitimately not another person on Earth eating Mentos like Orlovsky.
See for yourselves:
Certified weirdo, right?
Orlovsky described his odd Mentos consumption as such: “I only want like that initial taste of the Mentos without the sugar inside. So I just take the initial covering off of them. I don’t want to put that in my stomach, I just want almost like a mint.”
Jimmy Johns already trolled Orlovsky back in January and it may be time for Mentos to do the same.
*Side note: it's impossible to think of Mentos without also thinking of the Foo Fighters and "Footos."
**Other side note: This is two straight Wednesday's where the Foo Fighters have made their way into Nightcaps. And that's not a bad thing.
Orlovsky Does Ice Cream Right
End zone dimensions and Mentos might not be Dan's strong suit, but at least the man knows ice cream.
Ahead of the Oregon - Washington game Saturday, Orlovsky voiced his opinion that "cookies and cream's the best ice cream in the world."
Ya know something? Orlovsky just might be right. I mean, you have your staples: vanilla and chocolate and those are in a league of their own. But when you start veering from the standard two, cookies and cream has to sit near the top. I'd say strawberry, mint chocolate chip, butter pecan and birthday cake are all up there as well.
Who's saying no to cookies and cream? (Photo via Getty Images).
Do Orlovsky and I have it right? Is cookies and cream at or near the top of the mountain or are we overlooking one? Let me know via email: anthony.farris@outkick.com or tweet me @OhioAF.
Stop The Deion Sanders/Colorado/Travis Kelce Hype Already!
I'm exhausted. I have no dislike for Deion Sanders, Colorado, Travis Kelce or even Taylor Swift. But my god are all of the above testing my patience. It's not entirely their fault. The media loves a good story and when they find one, they beat the hell out of it.
And all of the above have been beaten worse than a Kevin Porter Jr. date.
It probably doesn't help that Deion, basically all of Colorado's roster, and Travis&Taylor don't exactly shy away from the spotlight.
That said, it's gone too far. Way too far. I live in Ohio. For all you non-geography majors, that's nowhere near Kansas City or Colorado. But, I walked into Dick's Sporting Goods over the weekend and boom! - literally the first two displays to greet my eyes were of Coach Prime hoodies and Kelce t-shirt jerseys.
Coach Prime hoodies as soon as you walk in. (Photo courtesy of my iPhone).
Travis Kelce shirts in Ohio. (Photo courtesy of my iPhone).
Make it stop. Please, please, please make it stop.
But, not before Andy Reid tells Donovan McNabb (courtesy of OutKick) whether he's a Swiftie.
Welcome, Mady Aulbach
Though I'm tired of seeing so much of the above merch, and Nightcaps readers likely are too, I'm confident no one will soon tire of Youngstown State University women's hooper, Mady Aulbach.
Aulbach's a fifth-year senior guard with 40 career starts for the Penguins who last season shot a Curry-like 86% from the charity stripe.
She also has more than 18,000 followers on Instagram and is part of WWE's "Next in Line," program. The program aligns with the NCAA's NIL rules and benefits that student athletes are taking advantage of.
Fortunately for WWE, Mady appears to have obvious Diva potential.
In February, Aulbach talked about her potential post-hoops career future as a WWE superstar. She told WKBN.com: “It is a huge blessing. I’m super thankful and excited and I hope that it all works out to where I do get to do this and make some people proud or excited, or maybe make someone a fan of me that does love the WWE."
Call it a hunch, but I don't think Mady will have any issue drumming up a fan base.
NFL Flips Are All The Rage
Chances are Mady's been spending her time alternating between practicing jumpers and suplexes, while NFL players are apparently spending time perfecting their plays and their aerials. Just this past weekend, we witnessed two NFL players - in full equipment - perform standing flips. Miami's Tyreek Hill busted out a backflip after scoring a touchdown Sunday. And to make the flip even more impressive, he did so while holding a fan's cell phone for the ideal selfie.
That this was penalized is a shame. If anything, he should've been rewarded bonus points. Tell the rest of the 'phins not to bother with an extra point or two point conversion try. Just give Miami a few extra points for Hill's ridiculously athletic move.
Not to be outdone, a Cleveland Browns player celebrated the team's win over San Francisco with a victory formation flip of his own.
I love it. I'm all for it. Like the Wildcat, the Gritty and the Tush Push before it, here's hoping NFL flips become a thing. Get this in Madden next fall. Do what's right EA Sports.
We've (Me) Hit 2000
Go ahead and pour another glass of bubbly, we've got more celebrating to do. This masterpiece you've been scrolling through instead of working and/or while on the porcelain throne is momentous. Maybe not for you, but for me at least.
But there's enough to go around, so let's raise our glasses together.
This is my 2,000th published article on the fine, fine pages of OutKick. Have there been times where I've ghost-written an article or two...maybe. But as far as bylines appearing on stories go, this sucker is number 2k.
So celebrate me the same way you would Barry Sanders eclipsing 2,000 yards in 1997 or Derrick Henry in 2021. Obviously, we're three workhorses who should be recognized accordingly.
Anyways, for those that care (hey, mom!), I picked a few of my favorites out of the 2000 in case anyone wants to indulge:
Can you tell I'm not really into the X's and O's or hard news?
That being said, there's two other things that are synonymous with 2000 that I feel deserve a mention. The first is Y2K. Remember that crazy shit when we all thought computers, calendars, clocks and everything else would stop working when 12:00 am hit on 1/1/2000? Ya, that was a dud.
I was in high school when the clock struck midnight and I know for certain that Natty Light was the drink of choice. What a way to ring in the big 2-triple-0.
Oh, and the other thing synonymous with 2K is Conan O'Brien's "in the year 2000" skit.
Here's a little slice of that nostalgia:
Did Timberlake Knock Up Britney?
You know who else was big in 2000? Both Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. And if you believe #TeamBritney, Mr. NSYNC, put a bun in her oven way back when. TMZ cites multiple sources as saying that Timberlake knocked her up when they were dating around late 2000.
The popstar reportedly reveals as much in her memoir which is expected to drop next month.
(*If you're once a popstar, are you always a popstar? Same logic applies to supermodels. Do you ever relinquish the "super" part?)
I haven't read a book in probably a decade (who needs books when we have phones and iPads?), but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to run through the pages of the upcoming memoir. Britney's spent the better half of the last couple years posting naked, or near naked photos to Instagram. So sign me up to see what these chapters hold.
Let's just hope they dedicate at least a few pages to an explanation of their dual Canadian tuxedos.
Jean on jean, tough to beat! (Photo by Frank Trapper/Corbis via Getty Images).
So why am I posting about Britney? Why not? Afterall, it's Britney bitch!
I'll Have What She's Having: Erin Andrews Style
As we waive bye, bye, bye to Britney (and JT), let's swing by and check in on Nightcaps regular, Erin Andrews before we head on out. Everybody's most favorite Fox sideline reporter was a guest on Tuesday's Today Show and EA was on one at the ass crack of dawn.
Andrews, who admittedly, loves the smell of Tom Brady, is also apparently quite a big fan of the aura that surrounds Today's Al Roker (who isn't!?).
She made that abundantly clear when she hopped off the couch to join Al for the weather. A segment that included a somewhat awkward should-we-or-shouldn't-we hug and Andrews signing Taylor Swift (there she is again!) to Al.
Check it out in the bottom video.
Love the energy out of EA. I'm going to guess that's caffeine doing it's job in the early hours of the day. And job well done. Rarely do either caffeine or Erin Andrews dissapoint.
Should I Leave The Light On?
My time here is up, but you're welcome to stick around and polish off the empties. We'll start working our way toward 3,000 at the same time and place next week. Who says no? In the meantime, feel free to snack on these leftovers.
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Have a picture of you or a loved one in a Canadian tuxedo? Email me: anthony.farris@outkick.com and don’t forget to Follow along on X: @OhioAF