Crime Is So Out Of Hand In Oakland That Someone Stole The Jaws Of Life

We hear a lot about crime stories out of California, but this is not one I ever expected to read about.

Sure, people steal baby formula, razors, and catalytic converters, but it takes a special kind of degenerate criminal to wander away with the Jaws of Life.

Also known as a hydraulic rescue tool, (but Jaws of Life is several thousand times more badass, so we're going to call it that) it's used by emergency crews to help cut people out of cars, and that's what some firefighters in Oakland were using it for last Friday evening, per The Los Angeles Times.

It did its very important job, and then crews set the tool aside, but apparently no one was keeping an eye on it, because it appears that some daring thief decided to swoop in and make off with the fifty-pound tool.

If there are still any people in denial about the crime problem in a lot of California cities, this might be a good time to accept that fact, because that might be the most insane thing I've ever heard of anyone stealing.

Don't get me wrong, it does look like it would be fun to take your Jaws of Life to the junkyard and just rip a couple of rotting Geo chassis apart, but it doesn't look so fun that I — a law-abiding and very handsome citizen — would steal one from a crew of first responders who are still actively working to help someone who's in trouble.

A firefighter with the Jaws of Life like the one stolen in Oakland. (Getty Images)

Also, it's not like that's an easy item to steal. You can hide a stick of deodorant under your hat or in your waistband and no one would be the wiser. How do you get away with a Jaws of Life? You can't fit it in your pocket and when people see you carrying it, they will have questions. Things like "Where did you get that Jaws of Life?" and "May I cut that parking meter in half with your Jaws of Life?"

The fire department is trying to track down the thief and anyone with info is being asked to contact the Oakland Police Department.