Cowboys Cheerleaders Get Flexible, Cardinals Fan Who Turned On America ID'd & Country Star Now Bisexual

You wanna experience some real pressure? I'm not talking Game 7 of the World Series, bases loaded, down 1, 3-2 count pressure. 

I'm talking real, actual, tangible, pressure. Nightmare fuel. The stuff that will almost certainly set the tone not only for the rest of your day, but the rest of your week, month and even year. 

Today – Monday! – is the First Lady's 32nd birthday. Did she want me to say how old she is? No clue. Didn't ask. 

We've got a massive trip coming up in five days. We've got a toddler running around like a bat out of hell. I've got a class to teach both in the morning (MMPS! Go check it out if you don't already subscribe) AND the afternoon, which means I'm twice as busy. 

And yet, despite all of that, I still somehow have to deliver a decent birthday. And the First Lady loves birthdays. Obsessed with them. I hate my birthday. She LOVES hers. 

Oh yeah – we also have a wedding anniversary in six days. June may be Pride month to some – have you heard?! – but to me, it's Buckle the Hell Up and Hold On For Dear Life month. 

On that ominous note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we stretch out the hammies with Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Claire Wolford and hope we don't hear a pop. 

What else? I've got a positive ID on our Jane Doe who turned on all of America over the weekend in St. Louis, country singer Maren Morris puts the B in LGBTQ, Kristen and Nick Saban dominated a Rolling Stones concert, and LPGA No. 1 Nelly Korda is back on the beach. 

Not a bad little Monday menu, huh? Let's get AFTER IT. 

Grab a Black Cow for National Black Cow Day and settle in for a Hot as Hades Monday 'Cap!

Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Claire Wolford is ready for training camp

You ever heard of a Black Cow? You probably haven't … but, you have! True story. Simply put, a Black Cow, apparently, is just a root beer float. That's it! 

From … the internet:

Frank J. Wisner of Cripple Creek, Colorado, receives credit for inventing the Black Cow in August of 1893. Wisner was the Wisner, owner of the Cripple Creek Cow Mountain Gold Mining Company, and one night found himself staring out the window thinking about the line of soda waters that was producing for the citizens of Cripple Creek. 

An idea struck him. The full moon that night that was shining on the snow-capped Cow Mountain reminded him of a scoop of vanilla ice cream. He hurried back to his bar and added a spoonful of the creamy vanilla goodness to the children's favorite flavor of soda, Myers Avenue Red Root Beer. 

When he tasted it, he knew he had a hit. Wisner named the new creation, Black Cow Mountain, but the local children shortened the name to Black Cow.

That will 100% be a Wheel of Fortune question some day, and you're gonna look like the smartest person in the room when you uncork that bit of knowledge. You are welcome!

As for the Hot as Hades part … It was 100 degrees in Central Florida all day long yesterday. That's not hyperbole. I went to the Walmart with my kid at 4:30 because she wanted to pick out a watch for her mom for her birthday (easily the worst $11 I've ever spent), and the car read "100" the entire trip. 

So, yes – I'd KILL for a Black Cow today. Instead, I'll just settle for a blue one:

It's official, I've reached my Caitlin Clark limit

First off … come on. That was a Hall of Fame transition from Black Cow to Cowboy Claire. I still surprise myself sometimes. 

Second off … it happened. I'm just out on the Caitlin Clark discussion. I can't take it anymore. I thought I'd be able to make it through at least June, but I barely made it through the first week. It's just too much at this point. 

And you wanna know why this is happening? Because there is nothing else going on right now. Nobody cares about the NBA Finals, because the matchup sucks and, for the most part, the first two games haven't really been close. 

I love the Stanley Cup. Love the Panthers. Watched every second of Game 1, but I realize that's a niche thing. Same goes with the CWS. (That's College World Series, for those who don't care). 

We still have six weeks until training camp, 10 weeks until college football, and baseball isn't relevant until October. 

So, to fill time, it's just nonstop Caitlin Clark coverage. How full are her arenas? What are her stats? Is she on the Olympic team? Is someone trying to murder her on the court? It's all I see on Twitter right now. Caitlin Clark this. Caitlin Clark that. 

Stephen A. Smith getting into little squabbles on First Take, like this:

It's just so, soooooooo exhausting. Maybe I'm on an island with this one? Who knows? But, it's my class and my rules, and I decided it needed to be said. 

Football season needs to hurry its ass up. Please. 

In the meantime, I don't mind this baseball coverage

And by the way, none of that has to do with Caitlin Clark the player. She seems pretty cool to me. I dig the whole Larry vs. Magic vibe we have going on in the WNBA right now (someone had to say it). 

But it's just too much. We – society – always take things too far. We're nothing if not consistent in that, and we've done it again. Great. 

OK, moving on to something we can all get behind – America identifying the next big star. We couldn't do it with the Oilers flasher — yet – but I'll be DAMNED if we miss out on two in a row. 

And, right on cue, the internet successfully ID'd the Cardinals woman who turned on all of St. Louis Friday night, including the broadcast booth. 

Nice work, boys and girls. This is how we get BACK on track:

Maren Morris, the Sabans & emptying the tank from a big weekend 

Welcome to class, Kailee! I'm all in. There is nothing hotter than a female baseball fan. The First Lady has a Braves tattoo on her ankle. Enough said. There's just something about it. 

Anyway, it appears Kailee is an Instagram star with over 31,000 followers, and she also dabbles in something called OnlyFans. Her short bio?

Break headboards, not hearts.

Amen, sister. Go Cards!

Rapid-fire time because I've got a fancy dinner to get to. First up? Country singer Maren Morris, recently divorced from her husband, announced over that weekend that she's now a switch-hitter. 

"happy to be the B in LGBTQ+ happy pride," she said in the below post before uncorking a couple fastballs. 

From Whiskey Riff:

In filing for divorce, Maren cited "irreconcilable differences" as reason for split. 

All I see is one very big similarity! Fine, it was low-hanging fruit, but whatever. It's Monday, give me a break. 

Next? Nick Saban looks like he's de-aged 20 years in retirement. He's like Benjamin Button!

Unreal. Seriously, the guy looks like he's barely 50 again. What a monster.

Finally, let's empty the tank from the weekend because I don't teach again until Wednesday and all of this will be outdated by then:

Take us into a big week, Nelly Korda

It may sound crass, but the fact that Jimmy Carter is still alive is shocking. He was supposed to die over a year ago. Frankly, I think he's been "almost dead" like five times over the past five years. The guy refuses to quit. 

On that note, let's go into another big week with LPGA No. 1 Nelly Korda back at the beach. 

See you Wednesday. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You over the Caitlin Clark stuff too? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.