Cowboys Cheerleader Spreads Christmas Cheer, Joe Burrow Gifts Samurai Swords & Megan Thee Stallion's Huge Bag
When I was a little kid, I was always skeptical about the existence of Santa Claus.
Flying reindeer? Visiting every house in the whole world in one night? A fat guy fits inside my chimney and just so happens to use the same wrapping paper that my mom hides in the coat closet?
It just didn't add up. But being the analytical mind that I was as a kindergartner, I needed proof. So I decided to run a test on… the Tooth Fairy. See, I figured if Santa were just a made-up character, then she probably was, too.
I had a loose tooth at the time, so when I finally wriggled it out one evening, I put it under my pillow. But I didn't tell my parents.
The next morning, I didn't find any money or prizes under my pillow — just that same baby molar I placed there the night before. So I tried again the next night. And this time, I told my parents.
Well, what do you know? I woke up to find a crisp $1 bill on my bed, and the tooth was gone.
My parents were busted. The science experiment I ran at 5 years old proved that either my mom or dad (or both) was the Tooth Fairy. And at that point, I could reasonably conclude they were also Santa Claus. I broke the news to them that same day.
Unfortunately, I also broke the news to my 4-year-old cousin, and that didn't go over very well.
(Getty Images)
I don't tell you that story for my own nostalgic walk down Memory Lane. I tell you that story to demonstrate that I was once smart and calculated. I was skeptical and cautious, unwilling to be fooled. But somewhere along the line, I lost those qualities. I started slipping.
Because as a young child, I did not believe in the magic of Christmas. But now — as an adult with a fully-developed frontal lobe — I was somehow delusional enough to believe that the Tennessee Volunteers were not going to disappoint me in the College Football Playoff.
Merry Christmas, Volunteers Fans. We Suck Again.
Hey, at least we're not alone. We got flat-out embarrassed over the weekend, but so did three other teams.
It did warm my soul, though, to see so many of my fellow Vols fans wreaking havoc in Columbus on Friday and Saturday. We may have gotten our behinds kicked, but at least we were well represented.
And on the bright side, our undefeated basketball team is No. 1 in the country. So in the spirit of Christmas Eve, you can take your Ohio State Buckeyes and you can roast them over an open fire.
We're on to hoops season.
I feel merrier already.
It's 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve, so I know you've already started drinking. Refresh your glass and get cozy for a bit. It's Nightcaps time!
Joe Burrow Gifts Samurai Swords To O-Linemen
‘Tis the season for NFL quarterbacks to shower their offensive line with lavish gifts! Christmas gifting is not a competition, but if it were, I think Joe Burrow would take first place.
Because nothing says "thanks for keeping me alive this year" quite like an authentic samurai sword.
"Well, they wanted guns," Burrow said. "And I was like, 'I don't know about guns, guys.' So I was in the weapon mindset, and I was like, 'What's a cool weapon?' Samurai swords, I think, are pretty dang cool."
Probably a good call there.
And they aren't just any old swords from Temu, either! These are authentic Japanese Katana swords — each with its own unique story from a different town or battle. Some weapons dated back to the 1500s, according to ESPN.
"Joe does a great job at buying gifts that are extremely meaningful," LT Orlando Brown said. "The fact that he bought me a sword, it’s the most ancient form of respect."
I have no idea where one would go to purchase a sword, but for some reason, I hear Frank Reynolds from Always Sunny in my head saying, "I got a guy."
I can confirm that dudes love them, though. I won a couple of Medieval-looking swords back in my bodybuilding competition days, and when my husband discovered them, you would think he had hit the lottery. He couldn't wait to mount them on a wall in our house.
You know what else dudes love? Trucks. So surely the San Francisco 49ers O-line was pumped when Brock Purdy showed up with a shiny new Toyota for each of them!
And thank God for Toyotathon because that guy only makes, like, $500,000 a year after taxes.
Just kidding, pretty sure he got these for free as some sort of sponsorship deal. Still a nice gesture, though.
And finally, Patrick Mahomes opted for functionality over grandeur this holiday season. He bought his guys a variety of useful gifts, like a Rolex, Lucchese boots, a Yeti cooler, a pair of Oakleys and some Normatec leg compression sleeves.
CBS Sports estimates the QB spent about $10,000 per lineman. Which, on a normal people scale, is approximately the equivalent of the $16 bottle of wine I bought for myself yesterday.
With a spread that cool for the offensive linemen, I wonder what Mahomes bought the refs for Christmas?!
I'm kidding. (No I'm not.) But while we're on the subject of Christmas gifts…
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Buys $600 Curling Irons For The Whole Squad
Marissa Phillips went above and beyond for her cheer-mates this year when she bought Dyson Airwraps for the whole squad.
Because I do not expect the OutKick audience to have any idea what that means, a Dyson Airwrap is a very expensive curling iron set. It retails for about $600. (Unless your wife told you that hers was cheaper. In which case, disregard everything I just said.)
I know what you're thinking: Amber, don't NFL cheerleaders get paid, like, $43 a year in Kohl's Cash? How did she pull this off?
And the answer is twofold:
- The average NFL cheerleader earns around $22,500 per year. But the iconic Cowboys' cheerleaders clear about $75,000 a year ($500 per game plus $15–$20/hour for practices).
- Marissa has an endorsement deal with Dyson, and these gifts were almost certainly free on her part.
The cheerleaders weren't the only ones who get to enjoy some fire hairstyles on Christmas Day, though.
Taylor Swift visited a children's hospital in Kansas City last week, where she asked patients what they wanted for Christmas. One young girl said she wanted a Dyson Airwrap.
Lo and behold, the next day, she got exactly that. From Santa Taylor.
I know some dudes love to hate on Taylor Swift for whatever reason, but if you want to watch some wholesome feel-good content this holiday season, watch the videos of her surprising patients at the children's hospital. Legit had me in tears.
And I don't cry about much of anything outside my dog and the Miami Dolphins.
Megan Thee Stallion Does Not Follow Thee Bag Policy
With Megan Thee Stallion no longer twerking in a pantsuit on the Kamala Harris campaign trail, she has a lot more time for other rich and famous people activities — like sitting courtside at NBA games.
The rapper, whose government name is Megan Jovon Ruth Pete (that doesn't look nearly as cool on an album cover), showed up to the Boston Celtics-Chicago Bulls game in Chicago over the weekend, and she posted a photo of her 'fit. Well, a carousel of photos. Because her 32.8 MILLION followers need more than one angle.
Side note, I was legitimately floored when I saw she had that many followers. I, for one, can not name one single Megan Thee Stallion song. So I guess I'm even more out of touch with the cool kids than I thought.
Anyway, what immediately stood out to me about this outfit (other than the fact that a woman from Houston is wearing a New York Yankees hat to an NBA game between Boston and Chicago) is that colossal fur bag.
I'm not sure what animal had to die to carry her wallet and lip gloss, but at least between the jacket and that carry-on bag, she didn't let any of its carcass go to waste.
I'm just kidding, I'm sure it's synthetic.
I am always fascinated, though, by how much money celebrities spend on dumb stuff like this purse, so I looked it up. That bad boy she's carrying is The Saint Laurent Niki Oversized In Shearling, and it's $7,200 before tax. (Just in case you needed a last-minute Christmas gift.)
But I don't have an issue with any of that. I have an issue with the fact that, several years ago before a concert, security sent me ALL the way back to my car because apparently my little 6-inch-long purse violated the arena's bag policy.
Now, in waltzes Megan Thee Stallion with a bag big enough to hold a case of beer and about 30 of those purses I wasn't allowed to carry in.
Seriously, is this Santa's sack? Is she carrying presents for all the good girls and boys?
I demand answers, United Center!
Don W. Brings Us A Sobering Christmas Reminder
If you were bummed about being older than Marv in "Home Alone," wait'll you hear about Nicolette Scorsese…
Amber:
Last week I wrote about how Daniel Stern (the actor who plays dopey burglar Marv in Home Alone) was only 33 when he filmed the movie — younger than I am now. And while I'm perfectly aware of how the passage of time works, it still feels like a gut punch.
I had also seen that little factoid going around about Nicolette Scorsese (the pretty lingerie sales lady in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation) turning 71 next month. And then our own Joe Kinsey reminded us all again this morning.
Despite the sobering reminder that we're all getting older, though, it's still an unwritten law that you have to watch Christmas Vacation at least once every Christmas season. So if you haven't already, get on it.
And here's Nicolette's scene:
One More Thing…
Why not? Here's Cam Newton and Tim Tebow playing pickleball.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.