Costco Birthday Girl Celebrates 30th In Food Court, Is Single & Men Should Be Lining Up To Date Her

American red-blooded men, I need you to read this post very carefully because for one of you, this might be your future bride. You just might fall in love if you can pull yourself away from video games, sports betting, or whatever you do on your phones.

North Carolina woman Madison Stimmel recently celebrated her 30th birthday -- with her family -- at a Costco food court -- and she's single.

I checked. Single. Looking. Tries to meet men on Bumble. No luck.

Men, you are looking at the biggest catch of 2023-24.

Put down the PS5 controller. Stop watching worthless Snapchats from your loser friends. Now is the time to go steal Madison's heart.

Madison Stimmel celebrated her 30th birthday with her family at the Costco food court where the group of six ate for $30.88. / TikTok

"My family and I love Costco and have been members for years," Stimmel told FOX Business about her big day at the store.

"I really didn’t want to do anything ‘big or fancy’ for my birthday this year and Costco just popped into my head."

Guys, I did the research here. I know what you're thinking -- this is just a bit to get TikTok likes.

It's not.

Before her big birthday bash, Madison had been posting Costco shopping videos in relative obscurity. She'd get 300 views here and 400 views there. She was just going about life and now all of a sudden Madison is known as the Costco Birthday Girl for this video where her and the family order five hot dogs, a chicken bake, a rotisserie chicken salad, a whole cheese pizza and drinks for the final price of $30.88.

As someone who considers himself a Costco fanatic, I damn near cried when I saw this video the first time. Look at how happy this family is just to be together and simply enjoying Madison's birthday.

Smiles all around.

Look at Dad and how happy he is for his daughter.

Men, I'm pleading with you: Steal Madison's heart.

These opportunities don't come around very often. You know the scene out there -- it's ugly. Pew Research says that there's a very good likelihood you're failing on the dating scene and it's not getting any easier as you near 30.

The women want the $10k Vegas 30th birthday like what they see on Instagram. They want the champagne bottles popping and fireworks going off in the club as the bottle service girls roll out the "30th" sign.

Madison simply wanted to go have a good time at Costco with family.

Are you a good guy looking for a clearly good woman? This is your opportunity.

Let me help you with the approach in the ice-breaker DM.

"Madison, hey, I saw your Costco birthday video. I love that place. You love that place. I'd love nothing more than to take you on a Saturday Sampler date. I'll buy! Are you free this weekend?"

Game....over. You're in.

She's going to laugh at that message and then look at your bio that you're going to clean up to make sure you look like you're serious about a relationship.

Costco Birthday Girl Madison Stimmel said on TikTok that finding men to date is a nightmare these days. / TikTok