Christmas In September? Coach Warren Sapp, A Pricey Hakeem Olajuwon, Taco Bell Gets Caffeinated And Mandy Rose Changes Platforms
Forget the Summer/Fall debate, we've got a seasonal crisis on our hands courtesy of the folks at Dollar General.
But don't fret, Mandy Rose is stopping by for some way too early holiday cheer.
If you've been following along, there's been some disagreement throughout the OutKick ranks on when Summer ends and Fall starts. Calendars have been referenced, sources have been cited and scented candles and seasonal beers have somehow found themselves unintentionally in the fray.
A winner can't be declared. Not now. And likely not ever.
But one thing we can all agree on is that it's most definitely NOT Christmas. At last check, it's September. My air conditioning runs almost daily and there's been such a small amount of football played that any team with a quarterback not named Deshaun Watson still has a somewhat reasonable expectation of a Super Bowl run.
Just don't tell that to Dollar General.
I popped in the retail giant yesterday evening for a couple of quick essentials. And for the sake of a good story, let's go ahead and say that said essentials were protein powder, ammunition and XL condoms.
Anyways, to my surprise on Tuesday, Sept. 19, I walked into numerous aisles of Christmas décor for sale. It's not even Halloween yet!
Dollar General shelves on Tuesday. (Photo c/o my iPhone).
Christmas insanity. (Photo c/o my iPhone).
Christmas bulbs and other items for sale. (Photo c/o my iPhone).
Pure insanity. What's wrong with people? Are there animals out there decorating their homes in red and green when we're more than a month away from our kids hunting out which homes give out the king sized candy bars and more than two months from frying a bird and watching the Lions lose?
Call it Summer or call it Fall, just don't call it Christmas.
Please Let The Odell Beckham Jr. And Kim Kardashian Rumors Be True
All I want for Christmas is an OBJ/Kim K love affair. Is that too much to ask? I know news of a potential relationship between the NFL receiver and the Hollywood tight end surfaced yesterday, but I can't get enough.
Listen, I’m in the content business. And we have an opportunity here to pair a current Raven, who was once the NFL’s most popular player and who may or may not enjoy the occasional Cleveland Steamer (look it up), potentially canoodling with the world’s most famous female ass. Sign me up. Heck, Scottie Pippen’s ex and Michael Jordan’s son kept the lights on in the this place for most of summer. If OBJ and Kim K go public with a fling, we might be able to snag ourselves an OutKick vacation home.
Their combined histories include a sex tape, a boat photo as the playoffs commenced, a stepdad transitioning, a father dropping a the equivalent of a diss track in the direction of his son’s QB, an on-field wrist watch, Kanye, and the above mentioned Cleveland Steamer.
Odell Beckham Jr. is rumored to be in a relationship with Kim Kardashian. (Photo by Michael Owens/Getty Images).
Fingers crossed this is real. I need to see a crowd shot of Kim's derriere squeezing into a 50-yard-line seat, soft pretzel and draft beer in hand while Ian Eagle subtly mentions OBJ's stat line.
Hakeem Olajuwon's Out Here Catching Strays
While the Kardashian crew and OBJ are plenty used to the spotlight, something tells me Hakeem Olajuwon isn't quite accustomed to the bright lights. At least not since retiring after the 2001-02 NBA season. Yet here was "The Dream" catching a stray from another retired NBA player, Gilbert Arenas.
Apparently Olajuwon charges NBA players $50,000/week to workout with him and learn some of the secrets to his success. Despite Olajuwon's Hall of Fame credentials and NBA players' stupidly deep pockets, Arenas is of the opinion that Dream should be ashamed of himself for the pricey tutorials.
Arenas said of Olajuwon, in part: “He ain’t been good since the ’90s. That means all the moves from the 2000s, he don’t know. 2010s, he don’t know. 2020s, he don’t know."
I have no idea why this bothers Arenas so much. Olajuwon isn't forcing anyone to pay him top dollar, it's their choice. And if you're an NBA big man, why not learn from the guy who gave us the "Dream Shake?" As for the money, $50k is a lot of money to most of us, but the average NBA salary is more than $9 million. Those players drop more than $50k in one night at Magic City - for the wings.
What a video though, eh? Gil gave us Martin Luther King Jr. flipping the bird and a famous scene from the movie The Rock all while going off on Olajuwon.
My favorite part about this ramble is that it allows me to share a picture of Hakeem finishing his career with the Raptors. Who remembered that his career ended up North? Don't lie.
Hakeem Olajuwon finished his career in Toronto. Copyright 2001 NBAE Mandatory Credit: Garrett Ellwood /NBAE/Getty Images
Taco Bell Has All The Caffeine
Speaking of borders, if you're looking for a liquid pick me up you might want to make a run for the border. Select Taco Bell's out West are set to sell a hillbilly cocktail that seems ready-made for the TikTok crowd. On Sept. 28 TBell and Mountain Dew are partnering to release Mtn Dew Energy Baja Blast. The drink comes in a can that is slightly more than 27 ounces and contains 180 mg of caffeine.
Two Arizona locations and one California spot will be offering the caffeine kick in the standard Baja Blast flavor and Charged Berry.
Real cute, TBell. You mess around with the drink menu when all anyone really wants is that damn Mexican Pizza to find its way back onto the menu.
Give the people what they want.
If you plan to endure the pleasure/pain of 180 mg of caffeine via TBell and Mountain Dew, let me know about. Email me: anthony.farris@outkick.com or find me on X: @OhioAF.
Mandy Rose Knows What I'm Talking About
Former WWE performer and NXT champion Mandy Rose has no such problem recognizing what her fans are craving. That's why Rose is leaving her subscription-based platform, FanTime, and joining OnlyFans.
Despite having made more than $500,000 on the platform in one week, Rose is headed to the more widely known OnlyFans.
Rose, who was fired from WWE reportedly for leaking exclusive content, announced her move to OnlyFans via that place all the cool kids (and me) still call Twitter.
"Same attraction, new website," wrote Rose, whose real name is Amanda Rose Saccomanno.
Something tells me the 33-year-old, who has more than 3.5 million Instagram followers, will do just fine in her new space.
Iowa Tries Not To Be Boring Vs. Penn State (P.S. Try Harder)
To the best of my knowledge, neither Kirk Ferentz nor his Iowa Hawkeyes, will spend their week debating whether to go back to blonde or not, unlike Mandy above. However, they will certainly be making a change to their uniforms.
The Hawkeyes, whose uniforms are as bland as their offense, are mixing things up in the most boring way possible.
By wearing black pants!
Iowa dropped their newish threads to X yesterday in preparation for their Saturday night date with 7th-ranked Penn State.
I'm far from an Iowa uniform aficionado, but to the best of my knowledge, the only thing different about these unis is the black pants.
How very bold of you, Iowa!
If you're going to release a uniform reveal hype video, you've gotta come with something stronger than funeral trousers.
And make no mistake, I'm firmly in the camp of keeping uniforms simple and traditional. But if you're mixing things up and making a fuss about it, at least step outside the box a little. This nearly put me to sleep.
Unlike like these five...
Obligatory Deion Sanders/Colorado Mention
Since we've shifted our focus to college football (unless some of you have gone down a Mandy Rose rabbit hole, and I don't blame you if you did) we need to hit on Deion Sanders. Not sure if you've heard, but he coaches Colorado now and he and the Buffs get minimal media coverage...
So I figured I'd throw Deion and his undefeated squad a bone.
That bone comes courtesy of Warren Sapp, a Hall of Famer whose last several weeks included verbally destroying our very own Joe Kinsey - his words, not mine - and likening quarterback/activist Colin Kaepernick to trash.
Sapp raised eyebrows Tuesday when he told Rich Eisen, on his aptly named show, The Rich Eisen Show, that he would be a part of Coach Prime's Colorado staff next fall.
"I wanna be there next year," said Sapp. "I'm gonna get the paperwork and go to work. Sitting on my couch watching tape (this fall)...Sapp in the lab. I'm gonna go Sapp in the class," explaining he's finishing his degree online before heading to Boulder.
And Sapp already has high expectations for the defensive line he seems in line to coach, telling Eisen:
"My DLine will go hunt the other quarterback, our chances of winning just went through the roof.”
I love it. Deion's turning Colorado into early 2000s USC when Pete Carroll had Snoop and Will Ferrell on the sideline. Amongst others, Deion's already had The Rock, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin, and Terrell Owens out to see his squad. And now he seems poised to add a star to his coaching staff in Sapp.
We're just a Will Ferrell sideline sighting away from Colorado being the new USC. (Photo by John Cordes/Icon Sportswire/Corbis/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images).
Sounds awesome. Unless you're defensive tackles coach Sal Sunseri or defensive ends coach Nick Williams, who apparently may be in need of a job next fall.
Kind of a shitty situation.
Speaking Of...
Same Time (Roughly) And Place Next Week
I've gotta head out and scoop up some Christmas decorations while still available, so my time here is done. We'll do it again next week, same bat time, same bat channel. Until then, I'm leaving you some snacks to hold ya over...
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF