Chicago Gangbangers Love Topgolf, Cops Pop Another On Weapons Charge

Days after a Topgolf gangbanger felon in Indianapolis had his pistol pop off while he was mid-swing comes the news that Chicago Topgolf racked up its 11th gun-related arrest since September. 

According to the Chicago Tribune, were busy Saturday night at the Naperville Topgolf location where Clarence Lamont Massey Jr., 24, was getting some range time in and ended up going to jail on an aggravated unlawful use of weapons charge. 

Cops wouldn't share further details on the arrest, but Cmdr. Ricky Krakow of the Naperville Police Department told the news outlet that, after some "digging," there have been 11 gun-related arrests at this specific Topgolf in six months. 

Last week, cops arrested a 31-year-old out of Chicago on a similar charge. Most of the arrests, the Tribune reports, have come from cops on foot patrols who have spotted guns through car windows. 

I've asked it before and I'll ask it again: Why do gangbangers love Topgolf? 

Someone fill me in on why this is happening:

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

This brings me to my plan to save the PGA Tour and make golf great again in this country. Monday, after blogging about the violent felon in Indianapolis who had his pistol pop off a round while he was mid-swing, I proposed the state prison systems introducing Prison Topgolf where inmates are loaded into cinder block Topgolf-like driving range bays and provided with the best equipment Callaway (or whomever the state prison system goes into business with) and told to hit away. 

Why is this plan genius?

1. The PGA Tour needs new blood. Ex-con violent felons taking over the PGA Tour is just the type of pop the sport needs while Rahm-bo, DJ, Sergio and the rest of them are sucking off the Saudi's teet. 

2. You throw a few thousand gangbangers into prison, give them the tools of the trade and you're bound to get at least 20-25 of them who would come out shooting darts at TPC Sawgrass. Do you think a water hazard is going to scare these felons who are used to being shot at? These guys aren't layin' up. 

3. The state prison system would have very little investment here. Home Depot sells cinder blocks for $1.98 each. How much could a net cost? And you can't tell me the gangbangers wouldn't clean up their acts to drive the golf ball picker cart. 

4. The state prison system could sign NIL deals with these gangbangers. Do you love Topgolf? Ok, well, you're facing a 10-year sentence. Would you like to get out in 8 years? Great, we can do that, but you have to give us 10-20% of your future PGA Tour earnings and in return we'll give you two hours per day in the Cinder Block Prison Topgolf bay. 

5. I'm so sick of these prison systems not figuring out how to get inmates to pay back society. We should have UFC in the prison system. We should have Prison NBA teams. Prison MLB teams. Prison WNBA teams (I'd watch, shit could get crazy at any moment unlike the real WNBA). I'd even go for Prison American Ninja Warrior. 

Look, it's time to start thinking outside the box here and what's clear is that we can do Prison Topgolf cheap and use it as a money-making venture. 

Tell me the PGA Tour's TV ratings wouldn't be through the roof if 24-year-old Clarence Massey Jr. is playing in the final group on Sunday at The Open against big bad Rory McIlroy and Rory's opponent is fresh out of the Illinois State Penitentiary where he hit 800 wedges per day after somehow surviving his teens and early 20s in Chiraq. 

Rory's pissing down his leg and wishing he took the Saudi money. 

The Americans in the crowd start chanting "CMJ! CMJ! CMJ!" 

CMJ pulls out a blunt, gets his head right and pulls 2i. 320-yard laser straight down the first fairway. 

Rory's visibly crying. 

That's what the PGA Tour needs. 

Now we need the state legislatures to see this vision. Who's joining this Prison Topgolf movement?

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com