Breathing Is Bad For The Environment & Helping Kill The Planet, Scientists Say

Every breath you take...I'll be watching you...kill the planet...I'll be watching you...

In a wild twist, the climate change terrorist scumbags who like to scream about how they're saving the planet while they're spraying great works of art with their eco-friendly paint have been killing the planet by breathing in their day-to-day life.

Scientists are out with new research that says humans are exhaling global-warming-causing gases when they breathe. The experts have even calculated that the methane and nitrous oxide exhaled by British citizens accounts for a whopping 0.1% of the UK's greenhouse gas emmissions.

Once you factor in the farts and burps being produced by humans, the brutal reality becomes clear: Humans are killing Earth just by living. Facts are facts, you climate change terrorist scumbag losers who are breathing while blocking traffic on the highways.

Hey lady, you're killing the planet by breathing and those candles probably aren't good for the planet either if I do enough Google searches. / Getty Images

Dr. Nicholas Cowan from the UK Centre for Ecology and Hydrology in Edinburgh says the evidence of planet-killing breathing is pretty clear and it shouldn't be ignored. "We would urge caution in the assumption that emissions from humans are negligible."

And before the vegetarian climate change terrorists claim it's the meat-eaters who are killing the planet with their breath, Crown's scientific community says the data just doesn't back up such a claim.

So there's some good news.

It doesn't look like the meat-eaters will be told to stop breathing just yet.

Let's dig into this methane producer data gathered by Crown's team:

If this all sounds insane, you better get with the times on this methane subject. Governments from New Zealand to European countries announced this year that they would be targeting the burps and farts coming from cows.

I'll let you in on a big secret: Bill Gates is all about stopping cow farts. Do you trust this man?

We're also talking about cow fart taxes which the politicians say will lead to price increases which will lead to less meat consumption, which will lead to less cattle, which will lead to fewer farts and burps.

Now what will we do with all these blowhards that are killing Earth?