Brazilian Butt Lift Gets Deadly, MMA Fighter Wrestles Alligator, Ben Affleck & J-Lo Buy A House, MMMBop Goes Metal & Pregnant 'Men'
We've done it, folks. We've made it to the first day of June!
Summer is in full swing, and I am counting down the days until I'm wearing a brand new bikini and drowning in tanning oil and rum on a Florida beach. (Suck it, NAACP.)
Did you know it's also the first day of Pride Month?
You probably had no idea since virtually no one is talking about it.
Just kidding.
Here's what it feels like to log onto the Internet or walk into any corporate retail store right now:
And it's not just in the United States, either.
Check out the cover of the June issue of Glamour UK.
"I'm a pregnant trans man and I do exist. No matter what anyone says, I'm living proof."
Welp, you've changed my mind.
That's clearly a pregnant man. Absolutely not a short-haired pregnant woman wearing a body-painted suit and claiming to be more special than any other pregnant woman in the world.
Guess I'll just put my foot in my mouth!
Just kidding, I'm not that flexible. And that's also not a pregnant man.
Anyway, at least they're doing one thing right in the UK — Just look at this coffee-filled doughnut!
The caption is my favorite: "Donuts are filled with carbs, which means you get instant energy as soon as you finish a donut. The sugar content in donuts helps you feel energized and refreshed!"
You don't have to convince me this is healthy, mates. I'm already sold.
My goodness, we are already all over the place and I've barely gotten started.
So let's not waste any more time, eh?
Log out of your email and pour some bourbon into a doughnut hole. It's Nightcaps o'clock!
SZA Explains Why She Got a Brazilian Butt Lift
I'll admit — being the hip, pop culture connoisseur that I am — I have no clue who SZA even is.
And is it pronounced "S-Z-A" or do I sound it out like "Saaaa"?
Anyway, she's a singer, and her 16.6 million Instagram followers are a good indication that I am entirely out of touch with what the kids are listening to these days.
But I do know she's had some plastic surgery. Namely, a Brazilian Butt Lift.
"I treat my butt like a purse," the 33-year-old singer said. "It's just there to enhance whatever else. And that's why I paid for it, because it works all by itself."
Now, I am proudly au naturale. But as a woman, I understand this sentiment completely.
On more than a couple occasions, I have looked in the mirror and thought, "You know, my boobs really don't go with this outfit."
Men, that probably makes zero sense to you. But ask your wife or girlfriend. She'll back me up on this one.
"I didn't succumb to industry pressure," S-Z-A said. "I succumbed to my own eyes in the mirror and being like, No, I need some more ass."
That's fair.
Important reminder, though: If you decide to purchase your assets, please go see an actual surgeon.
Woman Dies After Botched Backtreet Butt Fillers
That's not a tongue twister. That's an actual headline from The New York Post today.
A 40-year-old Brazilian model named Lygia Fazio suffered a stroke resulting from an unauthorized cosmetic procedure.
During a BBL, a doctor pumps your butt cheeks full of industrial silicone and PMMA fillers. In Fazio's case, the PMMA spread throughout her body and caused severe infection.
PMMA, or polymethylmethacrylate, is a synthetic resin often used as a substitute for glass.
A quick look at Fazio's Instagram account reveals she probably had more synthetic resin in her body than she did organic.
"She always sought perfection, she was always very beautiful, stunning and there's no room for judgment here," her friend Meiri Borges said. "She always wanted to look more beautiful, feel better, and she sought help from people who were not professionals."
For the record, I support whatever a person wants to do with his or her own body. Botox, plastic surgery, butt fillers, whatever. Knock yourself out.
But remember you could also — like — go to the gym.
MMA Fighter Wrestles Alligator
MMA fighter Mike Dragich became a local hero when he dragged a 10-foot alligator away from onlookers outside a Jacksonville, Fla., elementary school.
Video shows Dragich trying to grab the alligator by its tail multiple times, but the animal wasn't budging.
Finally, Dragich hooked its head with a catch pole. Eventually, the alligator was corralled with the help of fire and rescue officials.
Sadly, Dragich said the gator will be "harvested" following its capture, and the local community will enjoy a cookout soon.
At least they're eating the meat, though, and not just making some boots for the Big Tymers.
You're welcome for that throwback.
Anyway, in the event you run across a gator where a gator ought not be, do not try this at home.
Mike Dragich is actually a licensed alligator trapper.
He calls himself the "Blue Collar Brawler" on Instagram, and he posts a lot of videos of himself doing really dumb stuff.
I'm not saying anyone deserves to be mauled by an alligator, but I am saying one should not so brazenly tempt fate.
And speaking of dumb ways to die...
For the love of God, do not try 'Car Surfing.'
If there's any reason why TikTok actually should be banned, it's not because of Chinese data mining.
It's because teenagers cannot control themselves from being complete and total morons.
This might be the only thing Kamala Harris and I agree on.
First, there was the whole eating Tide Pods thing. Since then, we have seen a litany of idiot trends, like cooking chicken with NyQuil, the blackout rage gallon (BORG), eating candy coated in liquid nitrogen and huffing paint.
Now, a 16-year-old boy in Colorado has died after riding on top of a car.
The trend is called "car curfing," and it's just as dumb as it sounds: teenagers clinging to the outside of a moving car.
(Credit: Douglas County Sheriff)
"In the wake of this devastating incident, we feel compelled to raise awareness about the dangers of car surfing," The Douglas County Sheriff's Office said in a statement. "It is crucial to understand this activity is incredibly dangerous, and the consequences can be fatal."
My heart really goes out to all of you raising children right now.
Kids were doing plenty of stupid things before the Internet, too. But in the age of risking your life for likes, things are just getting ridiculous.
J-Lo & Ben Affleck Finally Buy New House
After two years of looking, Bennifer is finally buying a home. And it's a doozy — not that you'd expect anything different.
Ben and Jen paid $60,850,000 cash for a whopping 38,000 square feet in Beverly Hills.
This mansion has 12 bedrooms, 24 bathrooms, 15 fireplaces and a 12-car garage.
The house also has a cinema, wine room, whiskey lounge, a spa with a hair and nail salon, a sauna and a massage room.
And there's also a separate, 5,000-square-foot sports facility, which includes an indoor pickleball court, boxing ring and sports lounge.
And just in case you thought about dropping by unannounced, there's a 2-bedroom guard house.
I know a lot of people probably don't care how filthy rich celebrities spend their millions.
But I am fascinated by crazy, expensive houses.
Like the guys who check out Instagram models on Screencaps every morning, I, too, enjoy looking at things I can't have.
Maybe it's my way of manifesting. Or I'm just gathering intel for when I finally hit the Powerball jackpot.
Regardless, I don't even need a $61 million estate. I'd settle for 10 acres with a mountain view and a gigantic bathroom right here in Tennessee.
But until then, I'm gonna keep bitching about the $3,000 bill we just got from the guy repairing our septic system.
Apparently, you shouldn't actually use your garbage disposal if your house uses septic because the food and grease build-up clogs up the line.
There's a hot tip I wish I knew before this morning.
MMMBop Gets a Remake
Now that I'm all worked up about the joys of home ownership, let's finish off our Thursday with something completely unserious.
Last week, Hanson quietly released an update to their 1997 hit "MMMBop."
I told my husband about it and I said, "I think they tried to rock it up a bit, but it's still very much 'MMMBop.'"
"It'd be a lot cooler if it was metal," Mike said.
And that's when I let out a loud, bellowing, guttural "MMMBOOOOOPPPPP" that frightened even our mostly-deaf dog and probably the neighbors, too.
My husband and I have very different music tastes. I like country music, and he likes the kind of songs where the lead singer screams his face off for three minutes straight.
But even he was impressed with my heavy metal voice.
Anyway, of course I had to Google "MMMBop metal version" just to see if it had been done.
And wouldn't you know it — it has!
Epic.
So let's do a little Nightcaps question of the day!
What is a song remake that — in your opinion — is better than the original?
Head on over to Twitter or send me an email with your pick.
But for the record, I still like Hanson's "MMMBop" better.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.