Black Friday As We Once Knew It Is Now Completely Dead

For the last few years, the spectacle of Black Friday has been in decline. The throngs of people trying to trample or be trampled on their way into a Walmart in hopes of nabbing a cheaper-than-usual Blu-Ray player have been endangered like the white rhino for the last few years.

However this year, it officially dawned on me that the Black Fridays of yore have officially gone the way of the dodo.

I spent my Black Friday on the couch trying to work my way out of the previous day’s food coma. It was while I was taking part in my annual tradition of watching the Flyers lose on Black Friday, it dawned on me that I had some Christmas shopping to do.

So I pulled out my phone and with a few clicks I had it done in minutes and everything shipped to my apartment where the UPS driver will inevitably put the packages in the wrong spot in the mail room, forcing me to spend 20 minutes leafing through packages to find the heavily-discounted Far Side desk calendar I ordered for my dad.

While that’s a real pain, it pales in comparison to what we used to do on Black Friday. 

It was a real “Kids these days…” moment for me. The days of waiting in line on Black Friday are dead. I realized this when I ordered a discounted copy of NHL 24 online. I checked out and no more than 16 hours later my girlfriend dropped that very copy in my lap. It was like a magic trick. A lame, very lengthy magic trick.

Now, I'm not some kind of unfrozen caveman. I understand how online shopping works. But this was the first year that I had heard zero talk of in-person Black Friday nonsense.

No more waking up early. No more lining up. And no more having to punch some dude for the last Nintendo Switch.

Crowds like this on Black Friday are a thing of the past. (Photo by Bill Greenblatt/Liaison)

Black Fridays Of The Past Are Dead And Gone

It used to be one of my favorite yearly traditions to watch the local news to see local idiots lined up outside of the local Best Buy (it was always Best Buy) several days before Black Friday. However, I didn't see that at all this year. Maybe I missed it, but it was once impossible to miss because they would make some rookie reporter stand there for days interviewing dopes about how badly they wanted a moderately discounted TV or vacuum.

I've also found that early-morning store tramplings were significantly down over the last few years. This year, I didn't hear about any. That's a good thing. Still, call me "Old Fashioned," but there's just something about an early morning Black Friday trampling courtesy of a hoard of people hoping to secure a Tickle Me Elmo that just takes me back to my youth.

The final nail in the coffin hit close to home for me. It was when no one in my family made the hacky "When are we going to Target?" joke at Thanksgiving dinner this year. Talk about the end of an era. I always hated that, but as they say, you don't know how much you'll miss something until it's gone.

Going out on Black Friday was far from my favorite activity. I like cheap things, but I also like sleeping and not spending time with hundreds of other people who also like cheap things. Still, I feel like it's the end of an era in the storied history of American consumerism. For better or worse.

Now, Black Friday is nothing more than an early Cyber Monday. You can do all the shopping you need while seated in front of the TV that you bought the previous Black Friday.

It still has all the deals with none of the hassles. But also none of the tramplings and idiots sitting outside in the cold for days on end. Yes, the Black Fridays of yore are gone for good.

Follow on X: @Matt_Reigle