Big 12 Announces Championship Menu, And Here Are Some Winners And Losers

The Big 12 Men's Basketball Championship will be held at Kansas City's T-Mobile Center from March 12 through 16, and fans who show up there have a heck of a menu to look forward to.

On Wednesday, the conference unveiled the specialty menu for the event that features an item based on each of the 12 member schools.

Those items draw from the school, city, or region's history, and some of what they've got had me checking flights to Kansas City while some others had me turning up my nose like Gordon Ramsey poo-pooing subpar beef Wellington.

Take a gander for yourself:

And if you want pictures and descriptions of everything, you're in luck!:

So now that you've had a moment to peruse the pictures and descriptions, let's pick some winners and losers, shall we?

Winner: Anything With Brisket

I don't know if you're aware of this, but Texas is known for its brisket. That's why four of the five teams from the Lone Star State — Texas, Baylor, TCU, and Houston — are all represented by dishes that feature some smokey goodness.

However, brisket can be a fickle mistress. It's so tough to cook the right way that you've got to go to the right spots for some A-plus brisket. I don't know that your average arena concession stand is equipped to give you a piece of brisket with some bark and a nice smoke ring.

Having said that, I love brisket so much, that I'll give it a shot no matter what. Houston's brisket tacos sound great and so do Baylor's brisket sliders. 

The real winner though? TCU's Cowtown Loaded Tots sound incredible (even though the purple sour cream will mess with your brain).

Loser: Iowa State's Walking Taco

I've got a lot of respect for the Cyclones (mostly because my girlfriend is a massive Iowa State fan), but I'm disappointed in the walking taco. 

People lose their minds over walking tacos and those people are what you call morons. They bought the gimmick hook, line, and sinker. First of all, why do we need a walking taco when the taco is already very portable? It's a street food. It was designed with convenience in mind.

I'd argue the walking taco is less convenient. Anytime I've gotten one, there was chili or whatever slathered around the opening of the bag like they tried to chuck it in there from half-court. 

Also, Doritos bags aren't made of Kevlar. They're about as flimsy of a food vessel as you'll find anywhere. You can easily poke a fork through them or burn your hand. It offers no protection, you may as well just hold the contents in your cupped hands.

Walking tacos suck, and it bothers me that they left a true Iowa/midwestern delicacy on the bench: the pork tenderloin sandwich.

That's one of America's great sandwiches, and it's not getting its day in KC. 

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Winner: UCF's Citronaut Drink

Alright, I might be a little biased considering I'm a proud alum of the University of Central Florida, but how can you go wrong with some orange soda and a scoop of vanilla ice cream?

The Knights' signature float pays homage to the school's original mascot, the Citronaut, which is a space helmet-wearing orange. 

I'm serious.

I'm big on any Citronaut reference, but who doesn't like the orange-vanilla flavor combo? 

Sure, it's not the most exciting, but if you're going to drop $14 on it, at least you know you won't be disappointed.

Loser: OSU's Orange Power Pizza

I mentioned earlier that sometimes stadium concession stands have trouble with certain food. Well, one I've never seen done well is pizza.

I don't like the pillowy, doughy, individual-sized pizzas that they always have at arenas and stadiums and that's what we're getting with the Oklahoma State Cowboys.

The Orange Power Pizza features sausage, pepperoni, ham, pepper bacon, mozzarella cheese, and ranch dressing. That's so much sodium it should come with a gallon of Pedialyte or an IV.

This is just me, but enough with ranch dressing. I'm kind of sick of it slathered on everything. 

Also, on a somewhat related note, once you turn 12, it's time to graduate to blue cheese instead of ranch when you're eating wings.

This one would be a hard pass for me.

Winner: KSU's Powercat PB&J

Bro, they dropped an Uncrustable in the fryer. 

The only issue is it's $14 bucks, and you could do this at home for much less.

Loser: WVU's Mountaineer Pepperoni Roll

Remember when I said pizza doesn't play at stadiums? 

Well, this Mountaineer Pepperoni Roll may be a little too pizza-adjacent to turn out okay.

This is something the kids will probably like, but I also see it as the most dangerous item on the menu. We've all gotten a little over-eager with a Hot Pocket or pizza roll and wound up burning our mouths.

I hate that. Is there anything worse than burning the roof of your mouth so bad it feels like it's hanging down like the headliner in an old Jetta?

Awful, and this looks scientifically engineered to do exactly that.

Maybe that's so you have to buy a frosty beer to ice away the pain.

Winner: Kansas' Big Jay's Loaded Mac And Cheese

You can find loaded mac and cheese anywhere, but what got my attention was one word: cavatappi.

Real ones know that cavatappi — which is corkscrew-shaped —is the ultimate pasta shape for mac and cheese. Not elbow, not (ironically) macaroni; cavatappi is king.

To me the use of cavatappi signals to me that enough thought went into this dish that it'll be good. Sort of like when I go to a restaurant and get a Caesar salad and they use shaved parmesan. That's a good sign. If they use that saw-dusty parmesan, that's no bueno.

Also, pulled pork on top of mac and cheese always works.

…

There are some other solid-looking items on that list — looking at you Cosmo's Churros… although I have no idea what churros have to do with BYU — which should mean no Big 12 fans go home hungry.

Which items would you try and which items would you rather Frisbee into the trash? Let me know by firing off an email to mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.