AT&T Lily Lights Up Burning Man, Tiffani Amber Thiessen Makes Love To A Burger & Brady Vs. Romo In The Booth
I'm back in the saddle with a new kid who doesn't love to sleep at night (shocker), a toddler who all of a sudden is peeing on the floor like it's her job (100% rebellion against the new kid), a house that's in absolute shambles, a yard that's so overgrown it'll likely get me kicked out of the HOA, and three temporary crowns in the top of my mouth.
That's right. New teeth. Well, temporary teeth. The new ones come in a few weeks. Yeah, it's been a long few weeks.
But, we're here. I'm back. Full-go. All gas, no brakes. We're in the thick of it right now, but it'll pass. It'll all pass. You ride out the storm, and – God willin' – you come out stronger on the other side. It's all about the journey, you know.
Did I miss any other clichés? Let me know!
On that note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we watch the fire burn all around us with AT&T Lily, and then murder a hamburger with Tiffani Amber Thiessen.
Kelly Kapowski loved a Max burger 30 years ago, and she's back on the red meat today. What a comeback.
What else? Well, the NFL returned yesterday. Didn't you hear? Plenty of content out of that, including our first look at my new teammate, Tom Brady!
What did y'all think? We'll dive into the internet's reaction today, and, of course, I'll defend Tommy because I don't want to see what happens if I don't. Can't afford that, especially right now.
No stirring the pot from this guy, any time soon!
I've also got Nightcaps OG Maggie Sajak getting us pumped up for a new season of Wheel of Fortune, and maybe my favorite angry NFL fan rant of all time. It ain't' Anthony Farris, but this Browns guy just does it for me. Electric.
OK, grab a wiener schnitzel for National Wiener Schnitzel Day and settle in for a Second-Monday-Of-September Cap!
Solid start to the NFL content season
I don't really have anything elaborate or funny to say about wiener schnitzels, besides it just being a funny name. That's it. Carry on.
I couldn't have one today if I wanted to, though. Story time!
I shattered my front four teeth (top) as a kid back in 2004. We evacuated because of Hurricane Francis, stayed at a Hyatt (can't hide money!) in Tampa, and the next day I decided to walk UP the water slide at the hotel.
Obviously, I slipped, went face-first onto the concrete slide, and either chipped or completely broke my four chompers up top.
Anyway, it's been a battle with them ever since. I'm talking crowns, caps, repairs – you name it. I've had so many root canals in my lifetime that they don't even faze me anymore. I don't even need the novocaine at this point. The nerves are all dead.
All that to say … I bit into a wing last Monday, and I immediately heard a crack. I knew what it was. I've been waiting 10 years for this moment (the last time I had tooth repairs done). It was always inevitable. Lo and behold, this tooth chose right now – one week into having a newborn at the house – to finally call it quits.
Long story long, I had to get three teeth buzz-sawed all the way down to the nub, and then have a temporary bridge put in. And if you think that sounds painful, rest assured … it very much was.
Unreal timing, but that's life, I reckon. There's no real reason for me telling you this beyond it being my class and needing a way to start the lesson, but whatever. The good news is it only cost $3,000, and I lost a solid $400 this weekend gambling, so we are ROLLLLLING right now!
Could be worse, though. Could be a Browns fan!
What did we think of Tom Brady's debut?
A+ Sunday for the internet. We lived through June and July to get to days like yesterday. Worth the wait, baby! Welcome back, NFL.
PS: it really is amazing how bad Deshaun Watson is. Tom Brady must've been so embarrassed yesterday.
Speaking of TB12 … what did we think of his broadcasting debut? Honestly, I didn't watch that game with the sound on. I watched it via Red Zone (the best), and on mute, because I had a sleeping kid on my chest.
The internet, however, tells me it was a … mixed bag? The first, and most obvious, comparison folks are making is Tony Romo. How does Tom stack up against Talkin' Tony?
The early returns? He needs some work:
Tiffani Amber is back at The Max, AT&T Lily watches the world burn & reader mail
Honestly, I'm sort of in that camp – it's Week 1. Game 1. Day 1 for Tom Brady. Frankly, what did we all expect? For starters, Tony Romo took the world by storm when he started out, and now we all despise him.
Do we really want Tom following the Romo path? Don't think so. Set the bar a little lower and work your way up. That's my motto in life. Always – ALWAYS – set the expectations as low as possible, and then you can take people by surprise.
Expect the worst, hope for the best.
Tom Brady has always been the best at whatever he does. He sleeps with the best women, wins Super Bowls wherever he goes, and his chin dimple rivals Harrison Ford's. Do you really think his ass ain't in the film room today breaking down yesterday's performance like it was the AFC title game?
Feel like we need to monitor Brady, but withhold any true judgment until Halloween.
Trick or treat?
(What a line!)
OK, rapid-fire time on the way out. First up? How about Kelly Kapowski making absolute love to this hamburger over the weekend? Next-level stuff:
I don't know why, but Tiffani Amber pumping out sultry food content in 2024 is such a wild development to me. I feel like we all knew she'd be the one who remained relevant after Saved by the Bell, but I didn't expect her to choose this particular route. I'm cool with it, though.
Next? Mail time!
You guys made sure to check in over the past two weeks, and – while I didn't respond because I pretty much ignored my work email – I do want you to know that I appreciate and read every single email.
From Chris in KC:
Glad to have you back even if only for a day. Big NASCAR guy, so appreciate MMPS as well.
Had 27 hr labor when my son was born, counted fingers and toes and crashed.
Can’t get on board with Danica but you and anyone else have at it. I’ll give you a B for fantasy team, should be able to make some money but not win it all and my own team is a C at best 🤣🤣. Appreciate the columns and really glad that everyone in your family is doing well.
Let’s make some money betting some FB you probably gonna need a little extra
Again congrats and you have a great week from some scrub in KS. Chris
Thanks, Chris!
Nope, didn't make any money yesterday. Lost way more than I'll ever – EVER – let the First Lady know about. Lord help me if she finds out.
Fantasy team is 1-0 and scored the most points in the league yesterday. Let's have a year.
From Guy G.:
On both trips to the hospital, I was ordered to stop at the grocery store to pick up "essentials" for after the birth. An assorted sub, and a 6 pack of IPA. Post-birth beers are the best beers I’ve ever had.
For your next, I highly recommend them.
Thanks, Guy!
The First Lady had her first sip of alcohol since last December yesterday – coffee and baileys! I respect a woman with two kids who starts drinking at 10 a.m. on gameday. That's called knowing the mission. What a lady.
Finally … how about AT&T Lily joining Danica Patrick at Burning Man last week? Didn't see it coming (JK, anyone with half a brain did):
Maggie Sajak hands the wheel keys to Seacrest
Danica and AT&T Lily at Burning Man must've been quite a show. I can't even begin to fathom what sort of things – and smells – occur in that place. Not sure I want to, frankly.
Some things are best left to the imagination.
OK, that's all for today. For those who need a pre-MNF fix tonight, Ryan Seacrest officially makes his Wheel of Fortune debut, because if there's one thing this world simply doesn't have enough of, it's Ryan Seacrest.
Personally, I'd rather more Maggie. But whatever.
Let's go have a week.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You in or OUT on Tom? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.