Apple TV's MLB Girl Squeezes Into A Tiny Red Dress, Kristi Noem Flaunts Her Cartel Collection & Pathetic ESPN

We're over the hump – and, finally, back on the bump!

Come on. That was a good one. It's why I win Pulitzers. Allegedly, of course. I've been working on that one since last November! I think I nailed it. I think we're in for a big season of Major League Baseball. 

Yes, we're going to #RespectMLB today in this class. Unlike the insufferable wokes over at ESPN, we love this great game. And, even if you don't, you love hot women. And we've got plenty of those today, too. 

Don't worry. Baseball, beer and women. What the hell else do we need on a day like today? Nothing. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where MLB's Apple TV girl, Tricia Whitaker, reports for duty and turns on America along the way. 

SIGN UP for The Daily OutKick. New Look, Same Attitude.

What else? I've got Kristi Noem showing off her cartel collection, ESPN continuing to be just the WORST, this NPR CEO tasting her own liberal medicine on live TV, and maybe we'll end the day by welcoming Jack Mehof to class. 

That's right. Jack Mehof. What a country. Are we BACK, or what?

Grab you a $14 domestic light, and then a $19 single-scoop of ice cream in a helmet, and THEN settle in for an Opening Day 'Cap!

Piss off, ESPN

Yeah, I hope that place burns. There, I said it. They're just the worst. So insufferable. So woke. So out of touch. 

Look, I get it. MLB doesn't have the following it did, say, 20 years ago. Maybe not even 10 (although I'd argue it's in a better place now than it was in 2015). 

But the treatment baseball is getting today – on OPENING DAY – from a network it's been in business with for nearly four decades is, frankly, insulting. 

What a bunch of bullshit that is. Such lies. Such gaslighting. Such peddling. ESPN doesn't care about baseball. 

If you're my age – or older – you remember how today used to be treated by the World Wide Leader. 

You'd get games from 1 p.m. till midnight on both ESPN and ESPN2. You'd get Baseball Tonight in-between. Today? 

We get two games. Brewers-Yanks, and Tigers-Dodgers. That's it. There are 9 games today that start during the 4 p.m. hour around the league. Nine. Do you know how many are on ESPN2? Zero. 

Instead, those wokes are showing NBA Today at 3, followed by NFL Live at 4, and PTI at 5:30. 

There are two episodes of Baseball Tonight on ESPN over the next four days. One at 6 p.m. tonight, and another at 6 p.m. Sunday. That's it. 

This is the final year of the ESPN-MLB partnership, for those who missed it. Rob Manfred told those losers to kick rocks last month, and I'm glad he did. 

Baseball deserves better. Fans deserve better. ESPN can have the NBA. Go for it, dummies. Good riddance. 

PS – THIS was peak ESPN:

We had it so good, but, in some ways, we still do

Amen, brother! THAT was the absolute peak of baseball, and the peak of ESPN. No doubt about it, as my buddy Collinsworth would say. 

We've gone from that, to … two episodes of Baseball Tonight – which is completely watered down now – in the next four days. 

Not to worry, though! ESPN has you covered, instead, with a shit-ton of the soon-to-be-canceled Around the Horn, and a show that I'm quite sure nobody watches – NBA Today. 

Again, good riddance. Forget ESPN. Who needs them, when we have Apple TV's MLB sideline reporter, Tricia Whitaker? Or MLB Network's Kelly Nash, Lauren Shehadi and Abby Labar? 

I'd leave, too, if I were Manfred!

Kristi's collection, NPR's Queen Lib & Jack Mehof!!!!

And ESPN has … Buster and Passan. 

Choose your fighter(s), boys and girls. I'll take the law firm of Tricia, Abby, Lauren & Kelly every day of the week, and twice on Sunday. 

Let's go have a big year, ladies. Let's crank out the #content, and stick it to the wokes over at ESPN. Play ball!

OK, let's rapid-fire this Opening Day class into an Opening Day night so we can all (continue) drinking. First up? Can't believe we've made it this far without getting political. Weird for us. 

Gov. Kristi – can you help?

My God. I don't even know where to BEGIN with this little heater from Kristi. It's such a wild visual. Just touring a confinement center full of illegal aliens, and she stops to do a quick little 30-second TikTok with a PSA to anyone else out there hoping to sneak into our country. 

Amazing. What do you reckon those folks behind her were thinking during that? Are they even real? Is that a green screen? I have no clue. It's anyone's guess. 

At least they got a decent view! Yes, that was an easy joke. I know. Sometimes you have to take the lay-up, though. 

Next? Back to the states we go! Let's check in with this insufferable woman from NPR:

This might be my favorite video of all time. I'm serious. I've watched it a dozen times today. I can't stop. It's perfect. 

This is the absolute perfect way to deal with these lunatics. Just … rehash to them all the batshit crazy things they've said over the years. It's endless content. And you will always – ALWAYS – get this result. 

You know why? What have I always told you? 

These lefty lunatics do not believe one single thing they say. Not one. They're so full of shit, and so deathly terrified of getting canceled, that they just spew woke crap that they think people want to hear. They don't actually believe any of it. 

But they say it so they can sound hip and smart and progressive. It's all nonsense. Remember that. It's all complete, utter nonsense. 

As far as I'm concerned, NPR and ESPN are one and the same. Two insufferable, lying, gaslighting entities that used to be great. They're both welcome to piss off. Hope this chick enjoys her book!

OK, that's it for today. I usually end with a hot girl, but you got that earlier with the MLB ladies. Instead, you get … 

Jack Mehof! Our man! 

Happy Opening Day everyone. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots). 

You as annoyed with ESPN as I am? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.