Anderson Cooper Loses Tequila Battle, CFP Semis Were Visually Pleasing, Darren Rovell Is A Big Loser, Michigan Has Themselves A Sweaty Butt And Time For A Dart League
We’re two days removed from the college football playoff semis, but that doesn’t mean there’s not still time to recognize beauty when we see it. And dammit, the CFP semis were a sight to behold.
Almost as satisfying as 56-year-old Anderson Cooper begrudgingly shooting tequila on live tv.
We'll address Cooper's dance with the devil's water shortly.
First, let's applaud Michigan, ‘Bama, Texas and UW for leaving the fancy matte helmets and alternate jerseys at home. The granddaddy of them all is no place for gigantic helmet logos or blue pants, and the Wolverines and Crimson Tide recognized as much.
Similarly, burnt orange, purple and gold kept the Sugar Bowl classy in the night tilt. My God, this is what football is supposed to look like.
I don’t want or need Oregon and their 600 uniform combinations occupying my TV screen. Save the fluorescents for minor league baseball. How about Ole Miss in a red, white, and blue camo helmet that looks like an art project left unfinished? Not interested.
Nah. Give me the classics like we saw on Monday evening into Monday night.
No one will ever mistake me for a Wolverines fan, but those roses on the top of their visors made me briefly reconsider buying Michigan toilet paper again this year.
It was all a thing of beauty.
Coach Saban previously told AL.com of the Tide's classic uniforms: “To me, there’s an expectation that when we run out of the tunnel, this is the brand. This is the culture. This is what people expect to see.”
All you other schools sitting at home should take note.
Now get off my lawn!
Now that I got that off my chest, welcome to Nightcaps. Since we’ve already awarded the winners (Michigan, Alabama, Texas and Washington), we’ll take some time today to point out the losers as well. That means you, Darren Rovell.
We’re also going to get sweaty with a famous Butt (it’s nowhere near as visually pleasing as it sounds), think about taking up darts, drink with anyone other than Anderson Cooper - as noted above - and keep clear of dogs when under the influence of eggnog.
Anderson Cooper, Not A Tequila Guy
If you're like most of us, you most certainly did not watch CNN's NYE coverage. Fortunately, the internet exists and that includes real-time video of co-host Anderson Cooper slinging shots of tequila in the most uncomfortable way possible.
Cooper's co-host, Andy Cohen surprised Cooper by suggesting the hosts do a shot of tequila at the top of each of hour of the five hour broadcast.
Personally, I love the idea. We need more drunk hosts on live tv.
Before he turned bluer than Cookie Monster, Jimmy Kimmel was entertaining as hell while pounding drinks on both The Man Show and the first season of Jimmy Kimmel Live!. But I digress.
Things got off to a rocky start for Cooper with shot #1, four hours away from the ball drop.
It only got worse from there...
Had I known AC was getting blitz on live tv, I might have briefly considered giving CNN a view. Nah, nevermind. Even I couldn't get hammered enough to allow those three evil letters to make their way onto my screen.
Cheers!
Darren Rovell...Big Loser
Cooper likely lost his lunch in the wee hours of January 1, but he'll never be as big of a loser as Darren Rovell.
In what should come as no surprise, Rovell, a multi-time participant in the OutKick Woke All-Star Challenge, took a big swing and a big miss on Monday's ReliaQuest Bowl between Wisconsin and LSU.
Prior to kickoff, Rovell tweeted his "easiest bet of 2024." He anticipated a relatively low-scoring Bowl.
Maybe he meant "Easiest bet of 2024," if you faded his picks. For the record, the Badgers and Tigers combined for 66 points in the LSU win...Quite the opposite of the over. The schools had 35 combined points at halftime.
Rovell quickly tried to account for his error, tweeting:
“Other info I was operating with here. Nabors wasn’t going to play second half after he beat the record. Doesn’t seem to matter now. Gambling is about small edges. That a bet loses doesn’t mean the handicap was wrong."
Sooner or later, everyone loses when gambling. It's just more fun when Rovell does it.
Michigan Has An Awfully Sweaty Butt
Though the ReliaQuest Bowl likely had Rovell sweating, even his bad bet couldn't have provoked the kind of waterworks that former Michigan tight end Jake Butt leaked during the Rose Bowl.
My man was drenched!
As a reminder, Butt did not actually play in Monday's Rose Bowl. Butt, who is retired from the NFL, now works for Big Ten Network. He was clearly nervous watching his alma mater squeak out an overtime win over the Crimson Tide.
Upon seeing the photo, Butt tweeted the reason behind his damp demeanor: "I’ll explain this photo," Butt tweeted. "We were literally in the top level of the rose bowl. Media suite. We had to get down to the field for post game show. We left the booth literally right during the final commercial before Michigans 2 min drive to tie it. Of course I wasn’t going to walk and miss it. So I sprinted. It was probably about 3/4 of a mile, but I got into the field right as the snap on the first play of the drive. Didn’t miss a play. Glad I did it. This is the Rose Bowl!! I won’t apologize for sweating!!"
No apology needed, Jake.
Bruce Pearl and Archie Miller know the feeling...
Darts Players Hit Bedroom Bullseye
Speaking of sweating, there's apparently no one hotter than a darts player...in the bedroom.
Illicitencouters.com commissioned a poll of 2,000 people asking which "sports players" perform the best in the bedroom. And, low and behold, it's dart players who finished first. Err...maybe they finish...last?
Semantics.
Anyways, those surveyed were Britons, so traditional sports associated with the U.S., like football, basketball and baseball, were not mentioned.
(ahem, dorks)
Darts players scored best among those surveyed (19%). Swimming (16%) and soccer (14%) rounded out the Top 3.
Andy Collins, a pubs dart player (but you already knew that), said the following, as detailed by The-Sun:
“When you’re in the pub team you often end up dating other players, and we’ve got as many women as men on the team these days.
“It’s not like the old days when darts players tried to drink and smoke as much as they could during a game.
“They are seeing the benefits of fitness regimes and a healthy diet, and, of course, that also sees improvements in energy levels and so to the bedroom.”
These guys just don't miss.
Nuggets Player Learns Eggnog And Dogs Don't Mix
Though darts players and satisfied women go together like vodka and cranberry, the same can't be said for eggnog and dogs - at least not when an NBA player is involved.
Enter Nuggets forward Aaron Gordon...
Last week, we learned the 28-year-old Gordon would be out of action for the foreseeable future after he was mauled by a dog. Gordon received 21 stitches and plenty of questions.
Now, we have an answer: it was the damn eggnog!
OutKick's Alejandro Avila explained as much late Tuesday, relaying comments Gordon made to The Denver Post.
“I don’t drink a lot during the season — I probably had a little bit too much eggnog,” Gordon said, speaking with The Denver Post. “I was kind of roughhousing with my dog, and I think my dog got a little excited and just basically chomped down. Gave me a bite. And I was basically wrestling him off of me, and then he bit my hand.”
Aaron Gordon had too much eggnog and ended up with 21 stitches from dog bites. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)
Gordon later added: "...I was f---ing around with my dog. And when you f--- around, you find out."
Can't argue that!
Don't Bite Me!
On that note, I'm not about to f--- around and find out. So it's time for us to part ways. But not for long. Lucky you, gets a two-Nightcap week from this guy. That's right, I'll be pinch-hitting for Zach tomorrow while he kills some ducks (sorry PETA) down south.
So let's do it again tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy the best of the rest!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
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