Amanda Bynes Cancels Podcast After Historic 1-Episode Run, Danica Patrick Dances In Spandex, Black Vs. White Pro Bowl & Sex Talk With Shannon Sharpe

One week from right now you're gonna be withering away on the couch because you've been up since 6 a.m. with the kids, done three separate "Christmases" with three different families and started drinking around your second cup of coffee when you snuck in a few shots of whiskey.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps -- the one where we set the stage for the final real work week of the year because we all really start to mail it in for good starting around noon on Thursday. That means, by my calculations, I've got pretty much this class and this class only left to teach ya'll anything before the fat man comes to town.

No pressure. Plenty to discuss today. Friday was a slow news day. Today, the topics have been shot out of a damn cannon!

Amanda Bynes sadly canceled her podcast after one episode because nobody popular wanted to join the show, namely Drake. Sad. Wait till you see Amanda, too. Wild stuff.

Danica Patrick spent the week in Egypt dancing with a bunch of dudes in spandex. True story. You'll see.

What else? Vermont basketball star Emma Utterback checked in before the holidays, Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe talked farting during sex last night and you have to see this police bodycam footage from over the weekend. It'll have you ready to run through a brick wall.

God, I love this country.

Enough teasing! We've got last-minute gifts to buy from the checkout counter at Home Goods because we've all run out of ideas!

Class is in session:

Amanda Bynes is still giving us some great content in 2023

Didn't wake up today expecting to lead-off Nightcaps in 2023 with Amanda Bynes but that's what makes this job great. You never what you're gonna write about from hour to hour and you never know who's gonna walk through those classroom doors.

And hey! Here's comes Amanda (Amanda, Amanda show!) Bynes to give us an update on her brand new podcast that just launched last week:

Can't imagine why Drake wouldn't want to hop on this show:

Danica Patrick enjoys the Egyptian pyramids

My God. Incredible. And I'm honestly not trying to make fun of Amanda Bynes. I grew up watching the Amanda Show every weekend. All That? I was All In. That one movie -- Big Fat Liar -- with her, Frankie Muniz and Paul Giamatti? Awesome.

But that's rough. I'm sorry, but I just didn't expect to see that when I heard Amanda Bynes was launching her own podcast. I guess it's been decades since I really saw her and there have been a couple dozen trips to the psych ward mixed in, but it's still jarring to see.

PS: how about this old tweet from Amanda Bynes back in 2013 about Drake?

Who doesn't?

Moving on!

Danica Patrick spent last week not only angering the internet by having RFK Jr. on her show -- what a voice! -- but then jetted off to Egypt to work out with the boys.

Unreal life:

I'd 100% watch this all-white vs. all-black Pro Bowl

Love me some good Dancing Danica Patrick! What a way to start the week.

Now, let's get down to the important stuff -- like this (sadly) hypothetical all-white vs. all-black pro bowl, which was suggested by ex-RB Rashard Mendenhall.

You want to put eyeballs on a game and asses in the seats, listen to Rashard here and make this game happen, Roger. Besides the obvious fact that segregation is never great, this still deserves a serious deep dive. Also, I'm gonna expand this out to all-time black and white NFL players, not just current ones. That's way more fun.

Besides kicker, would the white team have an advantage anywhere else on the field? Seriously. I suggested Jason Sehorn maybe, but there's no shot he's covering Tyreek Hill. He'd get cooked worse than Ryan Gosling in Remember the Titans.

Obviously, the biggest question here is the QB. Peyton Manning, Dan Marino, Tom Brady -- they're all HOFers. But would they win a game against prime Michael Vick surrounded by guys like Hill and Jerry Rice going against white DBs? Tough spot. Not saying it's impossible, but definitely tough.

Here's another obvious question -- who are we throwing to? Wes Welker? Cris Collinsworth? Brandon Stokely? Brian Hartline was deceptively quick back in the day for the Dolphins.

You'd HAVE to have Belichick calling the offense if you're forced to just have all white receivers, right? That's right down his alley.

I guess CMC could help us, but I'm not sure he alone would make a difference. Could Mike Alstott make a difference in a football game in 2023? Who knows. I think we're in decent shape at tight end, so I assume we'd have to lean on Gronk and Jeremy Shockey a TON.

Also, here's another pretty important question -- which team is Pat Mahomes on? I mean, it's a legit question, right? If he goes white, I think we have a shot. If he doesn't, it could be curtains.

Anyway, I'm all in. Make it happen, NFL.

The NFL playoff picture is a doozy, farting with Deion Sanders & awesome police video

Look, I'm not saying the white team would lose, but it would be an uphill battle from the opening kick. You're gonna have to have some breaks go your way and maybe hope for some help from Mother Nature? If this is played indoors I think we're in trouble. Just being honest.

In any event, it all reminds me of this great skit by Shane Gillis:

Knocked the voice out of white people. Hilarious. Great line.

OK, pedal to the floor because I may or may not have a $200 kids' playhouse I need to go pick up from a rando on FB marketplace and then bring it home, assemble it, and then give all the credit to Santa on Christmas day. Awesome.

First up? This made me laugh.

So true. As a Dolphins fan, I'm so beyond bummed our run of playing crappy teams is over. What a luxury it's been this past month, minus the Titans game, to be able to enjoy my Sundays.

Also, if the freaking Chiefs sneak back into the 1-seed because they play a bunch of backup QBs over the next month I will revolt. Please don't make us watch Taylor Swift at Arrowhead all January. I can't take it.

Next!

Look, I usually don't like giving that fake podcast any shine because they still haven't responded to our Cease & Desist letter, but funny is funny, and that's funny -- and, frankly, gross.

Prime was all in on the topic until Shannon hit him with the punchline, and then he couldn't get out of there quick enough. Don't blame him. What a twist!

Finally, I feel like we all need a little cleansing after that, so here's a pretty intense two-minute video of Florida police (right down the road from me, actually) saving a 5-year-old girl who accidentally shot herself in the leg.

I know, it sounds like a lot to handle, but I promise it's awesome:

Take us into the week, Emma Utterback

My God. Having kids is so stressful. They just get into everything, although, to be fair, having a shotgun stored under the bed is a bold move with a 5-year-old roaming the hallways.

Thank God for law enforcement. Can't say it enough. And, as you know, I live in Florida, a state where we Back the Blue!

Between that and the black vs. white debate from above, I'd say we've perfectly towed the line of politics in today's class. Good way to end it.

That and Vermont basketball star Emma Utterback, of course.

Let's go have a week.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

We still giving Amanda Bynes a shot in 2023? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.