Alina Habba Gives The Libs A Tongue-Lashing, Jon Stewart's Bloody DOGE Rant & Twin Peaks Girls Set Booby Traps

First Hump Day of my 32nd year on this rock, and buddy, the internet has made this a SPECIAL one. Y'all hear about the Ole Miss drama from yesterday? 

We'll get into it today! Just kidding. I ain't touching that one with a 10-foot pole. I'm a huge fan of not being sued. If you know, you know. If you don't, look it up. I'm sitting this one out. It Just Means More in the SEC. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we give the Libs a giant spanking with firecracker lawyer Alina Habba, and go from there. Goodness, I love this chick. She's such a pistol. And, frankly, a little scary. 

What else? I've got the MAHA moms on HIGH alert over this Girl Scout cookie study, Jon Stewart slicing his hand open during an anti-Big Pharma rant, Trump dropping an insane Gaza video in the middle of the night, Maggie Sajak says hello, and the Twin Peaks girls end the month by setting up a diabolical trap on an otherwise slow Wednesday in February. 

Grab you a 29-degree beer in their honor, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

I forgot to get to this Monday, but it's time to pass the torch, sadly

I wrote about this last weekend, and I forgot to get to it Monday, so excuse the tardiness on this one. My bad. I was also off yesterday like always on Tuesdays, or I would've gotten to it then. 

PS: Played nine with pops yesterday to celebrate turning 32. Inclement weather stopped us from going all 18. Solid half-round by me, if I do say so myself. Nearly aced No. 3. First time I've ever legitimately come close to one. 

I would've taken off today had it gone in. Shockingly, I missed the birdie putt. Idiot. 

PPS: How about waking up to THIS email at 6 a.m. on my birthday? What a way to start Year No. 33!

Amazing stuff here from Ryan. Love the energy. And yes, I do sometimes think about how pathetic I am. Don't we all? Hell, I did it yesterday after missing an easy birdie putt on No. 3. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah! Hooters vs. Twin Peaks. 

Hooters is in Chapter 11 hell right now, and it's got all of us 80s and 90s kids feeling sad. I get it. The good news, however, is that Twin Peaks overtook Hooters years ago, which I wrote about last Saturday. 

It's a hard truth to accept, but one I think we need to start doing. They put one in Daytona a few years back, and it's pretty obvious they're next in line as far as Breastaurants go. 

Sad, but true. I think they're ready, though:

Speaking of making money, let's check in with Jon Stewart!

Yeah, I mean … what do you want me to do here? Hooters is underwater, and Twin Peaks is ringing the opening bell on Wall Street. 

I don't want to lose Hooters. I grew up on Hooters – literally and figuratively. All of us 90s/early-2000s kids did. It was the place our horny dads took us after a Saturday morning travel ball game. The place we'd all giggle at while trying to keep our cool at the kids', while the grown-ups slugged down beers. 

But sometimes you have to be proactive, and not reactive. We zig, others zag. There's a changing of the guard. It's time to hop on the train before we're left behind. Choo-choo!

Next? Speaking of wheeling and dealing, the left's favorite new company, DOGE, has been saving us great patriots billions every single day. Haven't you heard? 

And while some hate DOGE because it's tied to Elon and Trump, others hate it because they haven't gone after the big kahunas … yet. 

Head on a swivel, Jon!

Alina spanks the Libs, Girl Scouts & Gaza Trump!

You can tell right off the bat that Jon ain't faking this injury. Look at the hand right after impact. Shaking like a leaf! It's got stitches written all over it. 

Also, and I know Jon's a lefty, but he's somewhat right here. Big Pharma is the worst, and I assume they will be dealt with accordingly in the coming months. One insufferable thing at a time, Jon. Let's stop sending condoms to Africa, and THEN we'll take on Pfizer. Fair? RFK just got confirmed last week. Patience. 

PS: Jon Stewart, frankly, is the most Centric lefty out there, which is shocking to say but also speaks to just how insane the Dems have become. What a time to be alive. 

OK, rapid-fire time on this final Hump Day of February. First up? Speaking of deranged lefties, let's check in with the legacy media peppering Alina Habba with idiotic questions about government employees having to respond to a simple email:

Just four minutes of an ass-kicking here from Alina. God, she's the best. She scares the bejesus out of me, too. If I were a Big J on the White House beat, there is zero shot I'd ask her anything. Too risky. She's hotter and smarter than I could ever dream of being. It would be a bloodbath. 

Glad she's on our team, though. Her, Karoline, Anna Paulina, Kristi, Melania, Margo Martin, Kash Patel's firecracker girlfriend? I'm telling you, this cabinet would give the '27 Yankees a run for their money. 

Next? While Alina is dealing with the Big Js during the day, Trump is pumping out triggering posts like this late at night while they're all sleeping:

Goodness gracious. Insane stuff here from 47. He's done a ton of trolling over the years – remember covfefe? – but this one may take the cake. A lot to break down and take in. Don't really know where to begin. Don't know that I want to. 

A sun-kissed Elon having a snack at the beginning? The giant gold statue in the middle? The beach scene at the end that I literally can't get out of my brain? 

Just a ton to process. The Libs may never recover. What a video. 

PS: the song? Not the worst tune I've ever heard. Low-key catchy. Might be a banger. We'll see. 

Finally, let's check in with the Girl Scouts of America on the way out:

Maggie Sajak takes us home!

This is what the MAHA Moms have been trying to hammer into our skulls for years now. You can't give these people an INCH. 

I''m not surprised by any of this, by the way. I'm married to a MAHA mom. My eyes were opened to all of this corruption years ago. 

You can only buy the wrong kind of milk, eggs, and meat so many times until you sit down and start taking notes. 

Grass-fed beef? GOOD. Raw milk? GOOOOOD. Seed Oils, of ANY kind? BAD! 

Natural sugars? Good. Added sugars? Bad. 

Butter? Used to be bad for you and for fat kids only. Now it's good for you, as long as it's the good kind. 

Bone broth? Excellent, but ONLY if you buy the kind that costs $15 for 4 ounces. 

I grew up on Kid Cusines, Hungry Mans (Men?) and Lunchables. How I made it this far is beyond me. I'm a modern miracle.

Anyway, RIP to Girl Scout cookies. 

May still dabble in a thin mint, though. You have to live a little, after all. 

See you tomorrow. 

Take us home, Maggie!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You still buying Girl Scout cookies? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.