Alina Habba Certifies Trump With Nasty Message For Joe Biden, Hooters Sophia Vs. A DUI & Gia Duddy's Beach Day

Happy Jan. 6 to all who celebrate! Can't believe it's been four years. Don't know how we've managed to recover as a country, but America is resilient if nothing else. 

Be nice to the Libs today, folks. It's a tough one! 

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we certify the election results with Alina Habba, and then take a dip in the Costa Rican waters with elite NFL WAG Gia Duddy. 

While ex-boyfriend Will Levis was doing Will Levis things in a half-empty Nissan Stadium yesterday, Gia was pumping out Hall of Fame thirst traps from the beach. Pick your fighter!

What else? I've got the best of the rest from a big weekend of #content, Hooters Sophia vs. a DUI, an INSANE week of football staring us in our fat, insurrection-loving faces and I have my first Traeger review!

Spoiler alert: It was awesome, until I fell asleep at the wheel like a rookie. Oh well. This is why we practice. 

Grab you something warm and alcoholic if you're literally anywhere else besides Florida today (California doesn't count!), and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!

Alina Habba is ready to certify our next president!

Let's go ahead and spin the wheel and start with … election certification day! Big day in the US of A. The day all the Libs have been on pins and needles for months now.

Kamala Harris certifying that Donald J. Trump is indeed the 47th President of the United States? On the four-year anniversary of the biggest media hoax since COVID? I mean, does it get any better? Does anybody have it better than us today?

Well, maybe Canada! Au revoir, Justin! Sad. And welcome to the United States, Canada! Project 25 orientation in three weeks. Be on the lookout for more details! 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Big day in America, and Nightcaps legend Alina Habba has a message for Joe Biden on the way out!

What a weekend of #content!

From Trump lawyer to Counselor to the President … what a year for Alina! Can't wait to see what she does in the White House. I think we're in for a special four years, boys and girls. 

What a day. 

OK, let's get to a weekend of #content so loaded I don't even know where to begin. Just kidding! Of course I do! 

Let's start with Sam Darnold being absolute ASS last night:

Hooters Sophia, Traeger review & Gia from Costa!

Couple takeaways! 

1. The Dolphins are such an unserious franchise. Stephen Ross is an unserious owner. And who could've seen the Tyreek Hill marriage ending like this?! Shocking for a man of such great integrity and character! Sad. 

2. Why do the Texans always get the 4:30 NBC Saturday game? It's insane. Honestly, though, I LOVE that game. It's my favorite game of Wild Card weekend every year, mainly because it's the first game of the playoffs. Gets me hyped. It usually features some classic matchups, too, like this gem from 2017! 

The best. That game was so unwatchable I can't even find highlights on the internet. It's just been scrubbed. Amazing. 

3. That New Zealand commercial? One of the most shocking endings I've ever seen. Makes that one episode of Game of Thrones when the hot broad blew up her entire city look tame. 

4. What a fish!

OK, rapid-fire time because I have to turn on CSPAN for a college gameday-esque pregame show of the election results. First up? Hooters Sophia!

Incredible. Give Sophia credit, she tried like hell here. And give the cop even more credit. Didn't blink. Well, he almost did, but he didn't, and that's all that matters. 

Moving on …

WAIT! You didn't think we'd move on without doing some Big J digging on Hooters Sophia, did you? Come on! This is Nightcaps. 

Welcome to Nightcaps, Hooters Sophia! Hope all is well. And also, hope you got that car towed. He's right, it would've been a completely unnecessary expense, especially with the DUI bill coming her way. 

NOW, we move on … to my inbox! Everyone was thrilled about my new Traeger!

From Rick:

Congrats on getting one of those great BBQ tools.  We got a Traeger pellet grill a few years ago, and it has been the best cooking tool I've ever had.  Nearly everything you can do on it comes out better.  The biggest surprises for me were how amazingly well it grills burgers, bakes pizzas, grills pineapple, and sears nice thick ham slices with which to eat said pineapple.  These meals all went from well, ok, we'll do that, to -- I could do each of those more than once a week and be quite happy.

And, from OK Ryan:

Very nice new smoker!  Biggest piece of advice is get a cover for it ASAP if you haven’t already.  I had my new smoker ruined when I moved because it got rained on with no cover.  Very expensive lesson to learn the hard way.

Thanks, fellas. 

First off … yes, I did get a cover for it. My brother had the same thing happen to him, so I came prepared. Good call, though. Appreciate it. 

Secondly … I decided to make some over-the-top chili to break her in on Saturday. I found the recipe on Traeger's fancy app, and thought it would be a solid way to get to know the new grill/smoker. 

Looks good, right:

Basically, it's a ball of meat over a pot of chili, with the meat (I used beef and chorizo) dripping into the chili for four hours. 

Anyway, all was going well for the first three hours when shit hit the fan down the stretch. I went over to check the temp randomly, and realized it was going down, down, dowwwwwwwwwwn. Not great. 

I realized the hopper was basically out of pellets. I know, rookie move. This was my first time. Give me a break! Did you last four minutes for your first time? Didn't think so!

Obviously, I panicked. Instead of reading the manual, I decided to quickly dump pellets in like an animal, not realizing the flame had clearly gone out. The temp wasn't rising. Instead, it fell dangerously low. Again, instead of reading the manual, I just turned the thing off and restarted it. 

About 5 minutes later, the entire thing was filled with smoke like you wouldn't believe. Just an insane amount of smoke. Wild. Pellets all over the bottom, too. 

So, here's what I think happened after hours of googling yesterday …

Pellets ran out, flame went out, and instead of initiating the shutdown procedure and letting the machine do its thing, I dumped a shit-ton of pellets in it and THEN shut it off when it didn't work. THEN, I turned it back on, didn't prime it, and all of a sudden it was just spitting out pellets at a rapid rate, and I believe I ended up with some backfire into the auger. 

Whew. You with me, still?

Anyway, I cleaned the whole thing out yesterday morning with my shop-vac, emptied the hopper, and primed the auger. After spitting out a few charbroiled pellets, it eventually got to the good ones behind them and started heating up like normal.

Bottom line: always check your pellets and if they run out, don't just dump a shit-ton of 'em in and expect things to stabilize. 

PS: the Chili actually turned out good. I threw the meat in the oven for 30 more minutes, then broke it apart into the pot. Little too smokey for the First Lady, but as is life. More for me!

OK, I assume you've left class now to go and mock me in an email. And that's fair. I get it. I can take it. 

For those who stayed, here's Gia Duddy as a reward!

Let's have a week. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Am I an idiot? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.