A Not So Notorious (B.I.G.) Christmas, Tommy DeVito Gets An Invite, Subway Cookie Update And Arnold Schwarzenegger Babysits
We'll unwrap all of the above presents and even mix in a holiday carjacking for those planning on a lump of coal under their tree.
So allow me to refill your eggnog, get you something to eat, drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead.
Kidding! I wouldn't do such a thing.
(too many cameras)
At least not without a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
Notorious B.I.G. Double-Disc Christmas Denied
There's no better way to kick off this Wednesday edition of 'caps then with a throwback to Christmas in the '90s. The kind of Decembers that were spent with Biggie Smalls, parental advisory stickers and music that could be ruined with a simple scratch of a disc.
I was talking with friends last night about how bad it sucks that our kids will never get to experience the thrill of unwrapping a new CD or DVD on Christmas morning.
Wasn't that the best?
You generally had an idea there was a CD or DVD - or even better, the CD/DVD combo, waiting for you based on the shape and size of the package. But the real mystery was which CD or DVD was waiting underneath all that paper.
Sugar Ray? Jay-Z? Guns N' Roses greatest hits? Pearl Jam? How about the entire Seinfeld series on DVD?
All possibilities in my formative years.
Music stores and CDs used to be all the Christmas rage. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images).
Sadly, my kids will never know that excitement. Hell, they still really don't understand the concept of CDs or DVDs.
And that brings me to my most infamous Christmas CD memory, courtesy of the Notorious B.I.G. and my dad. Both of whom can rightfully be referred to as Big Poppa.
Biggie released Life After Death, a double-disc album in March of '97. At this point, I'm in my early teen years. Fast forward nearly a year after its release and Life After Death has made its way onto my Christmas list.
All I wanted for Christmas was a little Notorious B.I.G. (Photo by Chris Walter/WireImage).
I couldn't wait to play "Hypnotize" and "Mo Money Mo Problems" on repeat. I was certain that come 12/25 I'd be doing just that.
That was until a couple of weeks before Christmas when my dad told me over dinner that there wasn't a chance in Hell I was ever getting that CD. As it turns out, he went to cross this off my list, grabbed the double-disc, read the song titles and put the double-disc right back down.
Like any good parents of a teenager, mine had no intention of gifting me a couple discs that included tracks titled "#!*@ You Tonight," and "Ten Crack Commandments."
Can't blame them. But to be fair, at that age the only crack I knew of separated two butt cheeks.
Notorious B.I.G.'s Life After Death was my very own Red Ryder BB gun.
Have a similar childhood Christmas ask that got shut down? Let me know: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF.
Rick Pitino Has A Gift For Tommy DeVito
Something tells me the current toast of New York, Giants QB Tommy DeVito, won't have to worry about missing out on any presents. In fact, first-year St. John's coach Rick Pitino already has an early Christmas gift in mind for his fellow Italian New Yorker.
Following DeVito's Monday Night Football comeback win, Pitino took to the spot formerly known as Twitter to offer DeVito courtside seats at MSG.
Pitino's St. John's squad plays Fordham at The Garden on Saturday afternoon. And the Red Storm is seeking a little Italian luck.
No word on if the concessions sell chicken cutlets, but if not, they should probably start.
Austin Rivers Had A Cooler Babysitter Than You
Former NBA player Austin Rivers recently revealed that he was briefly babysat by Howard Langston a.k.a Turbo-Man, a.k.a. Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was younger.
Yep, Jingle All The Way's (underrated Sinbad performance, by the way) Dad of the Year filled in for Austin's parents at an event.
Arnold Schwarzenegger does not resemble the typical babysitter. (Photo by TOLGA AKMEN/AFP via Getty Images).
Rivers shared as much during an appearance on ESPN radio's Unsportsmanlike.
"My parents were at an event where he was at, and he was there with kids. My dad and my mom went to go do something," Rivers remembered. "I think my mom had asked him, ‘Can you watch for a little bit? We’re just going to be gone for 20-30 minutes.’"
And the Governator did just that.
In addition to having Turbo-Man look after him, Rivers also revealed he was once babysat by Dennis Rodman as well.
I'm not judging, but Child Services probably should've done a drive by at the Rivers compound about 25 years ago.
Arnold Probably Would Have Prevented A Carjacking
Babysitting or not, Schwarzenegger likely wouldn't have found himself getting carjacked like an Ohio State football coach did earlier this week. On Monday, Buckeyes tight end coach Keenan Bailey was the victim of a carjacking while recruiting in the Cleveland area.
Bailey was apparently in the worst possible place at the worst possible time. According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Bailey was recruiting at Ginn Academy when four youths held him at gunpoint and stole his car - all this went down in the school's parking lot while classes were in session.
Fortunately, Bailey was unharmed and the four carjackers were arrested shortly after the crime.
This is just a guess, but maybe the carjackers heard an Ohio State coach would be recruiting at the school and assumed it was Ryan Day, leading them to surmise it would be an easy getaway since Day rarely puts up a fight from Thanksgiving on.
Who's Ready For A Pee Break? Anyone? Vivek?
You've behaved yourselves adequately thus far through Nightcaps and have pleased the parents' ears by opting to play the edited version of Biggie's Life After Death. And for that, I'll reward you with an intermission pee break - something Republican candidate Vivek Ramaswamy apparently needed during a recent livestream on X.
Ramaswamy took the stream portion of livestream a little too literally and audibly - accidentally letting it flow for all to hear, including Elon Musk who was also on the livestream.
Vivek and the rest of the group laughed off his live leak with Musk commenting: "I hope you feel better." A laughing Ramaswamy quickly fired back: "I feel great, thank you."
Ramaswamy 2024 - he pees just like us!
Print the t-shirts!
This was the best accidental public urination since Frank Drebin. Biden could only wish he had a stream with that much power and no audible dribble!
Subway Chocolate Chip Takes Top Honor
Now that we've emptied the tank, let's fill back up with some solids, courtesy of Subway. During last Wednesday's edition of Nightcaps, I introduced you to Subway's footlong cookies and provided the definitive rankings of the sandwich chain's assortment of sweets.
But you already know that because you would never skip a Nightcap, right?
I asked you, the Nightcaps faithful, to share your rankings with me. And that you did. In a bit of a runaway, 80 percent of those who submitted votes crowned chocolate chip as Subway's top cookie. For reference, I had it a close second to macadamia nut.
Keith from Huron, South Dakota even went as far as to toss my favorite at the very bottom of his list, telling me that it is "by far" his least favorite.
Chocolate chip took the Nightcaps reader's title for Subway's best cookie. (Photo via Getty Images).
For those scoring at home, macadamia nut placed third amongst readers. Double Chocolate was second, Oatmeal Raisin fourth. I halted voting after the 4-spot because it appears not all Subway locations have the same cookies, other than the four mentioned above.
We Love Cookies. USWNT, Not So Much...
From sweet to not-so-sweet we go. Shocking as this may be, people do not like the Megan Rapinoe-led U.S. Women's National Team.
What's not to like?!?!?
According to a Social Media Protection Service analysis (fancy) from FIFA and FIFPRO, the US team received the most online abuse during this past summer's World Cup.
Between 3,500 - 4,000 verified abusive posts/comments were directed towards the Americans. As the analysis states that: ...two teams stood out - the USA and Argentina.
The profile of the USA squad (coming into the tournament as winners of the previous two tournaments), made them a target for online abuse. This was heightened by the perception of players not singing the National Anthem being called out as unpatriotic and anti-American.
As a reminder, the heavily-favored USWNT was knocked out in the Round of 16.
USWNT lost early in the World Cup, though they weren't exactly fan favorites. (Photo by WILLIAM WEST/AFP via Getty Images).
On That Note...
Like the USWNT, it's time for me to bounce. Thank me later when Spotify's playing Notorious B.I.G. on a loop! Now enjoy the B side!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF