54-year-old Heather Graham Destroys Mexico, The Biological Females of NCAA Track & Field, Plus March Madness
Do you know one of the reasons why I'm sponsoring a Screencaps Ragnar Relay team in October? Because this nerd Mayor Pete showed up Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green during an Ironman in 2023 because MCBiBG had to stop to take a dump & it has haunted me ever since
Those of you who were Screencaps readers last summer remember my nightmare when it was revealed in the group text by Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green that he finished behind Mayor Pete in the Lake Michigan Ironman, or whatever they called it, and it was because he had to stop and take a dump, which cost him (and Screencaps) bragging rights that this column is powered by mentally tough and physically superior Americans.
Then I have to sit here this morning and see this nerd Mayor Pete on social media smirking at the State of the Union speech, which makes me think this is how he was smirking when he passed MCBiBG as he was in a Port-o-Let dropping a deuce.
Infuriating.
At first, MCBiBG tried to claim that Mayor Pete has superior equipment. I had Screencaps readers offering up SUPERIOR equipment to MCBiBG if he were to race Mayor Pete again, but I put a halt to that program when I found out about this whole Port-o-Let thing.
It's haunted me and the text group ever since to see this twirp smile his way around D.C. knowing MCBiBG let us down.
When Indy Daryl of Screencaps ‘Do Hard Things’ came to me over the winter with a proposal to sponsor a Ragnar Relay team, I JUMPED at the chance. This is about redemption. This is about slaying the demons and Mayor Pete's smirking punk ass. This is about proving that Screencaps is better than the performance turned in by MCBiBG.
So I bought a team. Paid in cash. We have an official team in the October race – the Bourbon Trail race.
And right now, right here, I'm challenging Mayor Pete to put a team together. Race us, punk!
Screencaps WILL NOT be embarrassed again. Yes, MCBiBG is participating, but I'm hoping to find a gastroenterologist before the race to get this guy straightened out. He's ridiculous. We can't get two miles down a river on a canoe trip before this guy has to take a Busch Light-induced wilderness dump. SMH.
If you're a member of Mayor Pete's media team, email me. I want a showdown. Screencaps vs. Mayor Pete's Team.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Do you know a gastroenterologist? Please email me.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Speaking of ‘Do Hard Things’
• John from SD writes:
Part of the Republican response to the FJB address to the nation response was "Do hard things"! Wonder who’s reading these columns?
Kinsey:
Hopefully Mayor Pete's team is reading the column. I want revenge in October on the Bourbon Trail.
Look, I'll cut to the chase. In one of the very first conversations after Clay Travis brought me on he emphasized that there are movers and shakers who are reading OutKick on a daily basis. My assumption was that the politicians are keeping an eye on this site as a pulse for America.
And I assume that means they're reading "America's Best Daily Column," as named by the readers.
Now, hey Mayor Pete, get your ass and your team to Kentucky in October for a battle with Screencaps.
The OutKick new hire pumped out a masterpiece last night and this might be the best prose I've read all week on the Internet
In case you missed it this week, Nick Adams is now providing us with columns. Here's his first effort.
And while you're at it, read how his State of the Union night went.
‘Womansplaining’ reviews are coming in
• JD in Wichita writes:
Thanks for providing the link to Amber Harding’s "Womansplaining" article.
I read it. Damn, she is right on. I immediately forwarded the link to my 20-year-old daughter at college.
I bet she just got a new regular reader, plus myself.
Kinsey:
If you aren't reading Womansplaining, work it into your weekly routine. Amber now owns the Noon ET time slot on Wednesdays. Like Screencaps dropping at 9 a.m. ET (or 9:04, or whenever SeanJo gets around to it…I don't pressure the guy…I need him to cover Sundays) and Nightcaps dropping daily at 4 p.m., Amber has her own time slot.
Amber says that this week's column resulted in the most emails from women in Womansplaining history. She's energized. The readers are energized. OutKick is energized. Let's keep the momentum rolling.
Greatest name for a movie ever
• Jim M. saw this last night while scrolling through his TV:
Kinsey:
The very first celebrity I ever interviewed in person during my Internet career was Danny Trejo in New York City at a trendy hotel. He was appearing in a claymation Super Bowl commercial for Lipton Brisk tea. The brand called a bunch of bloggers to NYC for a media event. It was my very first work trip to NYC and I'm to interview one of the most intimidating bad asses in movie history.
It went fine and then Danny went bowling with us that night. He was just a regular dude.
Fast-forward to 2023-24. I recently read his autobiography. Holy shit, what a life. Now at this age, I can comprehend how amazing it is that he's still alive.
Which battery-powered mini-chainsaw should I buy?
• Tom from Atlanta writes:
Thanks for having me in Screencaps a few times. I've gotten quite a few family and friends to start reading b/c I've made it in. However, I have a question for you. Of the mini-battery-chainsaws, which is one people recommended? I didn't get one for Christmas, so gotta buy my own, that I'll also let my handyman use this weekend. But all I see are $30-60 Chinese ones. I want quality...
Thanks for you and the Screencaps community for great things.
Kinsey:
The Stihl mini-chainsaw is the tool that stole the hearts and minds of Screencaps readers over Christmas. My aunt even brought out hers to show me when I stopped by her house for Christmas and she doesn't read Screencaps that I know of.
Readers love this tool. And before the haters start emailing me, this is #NOTSPONSORED.
I wish Stihl would sponsor Screencaps and/or TNML, but it hasn't happened yet.
Ripcurl's dog checks in
Sheep instead of mowers
• Mark B. in California writes:
Starting this year CA banned the sale of gas-powered mowers and trimmers. Thankfully, there are now sheep doing the work.
I thought this picture might cause some members of the TNML to short circuit.
At least we are saving the environment!!!
Kinsey:
Sheep eating grass isn't going to trigger the TNML. Remember, the TNML isn't about the most beautiful lawn, it's about taking pride in property and community. I'm sure we have TNMLers with sheep running wild. We'll take this all day over some piece of shit hood rat property, that's for sure.
The current state of fast food prices
• Chris A. says:
I hear you on the rise in fast/casual food prices. I first noticed it when I pulled out a $10 bill to pay for my Big Mac meal at the McDonalds drive thru and it wasn't enough.
The reality is that the poor franchisees of these restaurants are getting pummelled by governments who want to drive the franchisees out of business with higher and higher minimum wage requirements (unless you are Panera Bread and a big-time contributor to the governor in California, then you're good), plus the reduction in beef consumption squeezing the supplier chain as processors leave the industry or re-tool to something else, which raises prices on the food cost end. Add in the post-pandemic, when it was like everyone was given permission to raise prices on everything all at once after holding them down artificially for so long, and you have a Five Guys burger, fries and a drink costing $25. It's a damn good burger, but still...
As someone who worked in the fast food industry for 5 years during and post college, I know how price sensitive the industry and its customers are. The benchmarks back in the mid-80s were 33% of sales were food cost, 17% wage cost, then everything else (building rent, utilities, employee benefits and a little profit). Not sure what those percentages are now, but with food and wage costs higher, you have to raise prices to make a little money on the operation.
At this point, complaining about higher prices everywhere is like old men yelling at the moon. You have to pay the man and chalk it up to living in the world that's being forced on us now.
• Joe St. A says:
My wife and I all but stopped going out since COVID. We would love to go out more, but she gets as pissed off as I do at the high prices and piss poor service. The quality of the food is down, the amount of food served is less and the service is not great. I used to loge going out to breakfast on the weekend and would always tip heavy because breakfast was much cheaper than other meals but the same amount of work for the server. Last time we went out to breakfast it was almost $45 for the two of us, no alcohol one omelet with meat and hashbrowns and a waffle with fruit that was not ripe enough to eat. I know living in California is expensive, but this is just stupid.
• Brian B. writes:
Saw the Five Guys / fast food mention on 3.7. A recent experience at Subway led me to impose a two-year ban on them. Foot long Spicy Italian subs should not cost $13.81. And when they mail coupon flyers to residents, the franchise better have a sign up saying no coupons before you place your order. Their response did not alter the ban timeline.
• Ridge Runner in TN chimes in:
Yeah, $24 is way too much for a burger and fries, welcome to Bidenomics. That said, 5 Guys is a pretty damn good burger, good pickles, good fries, way better than In-N-Out. The latter is highly overrated. INO is just an average burger and example of the scarcity = demand concept. It's like when I was in high school in Tennessee and you couldn't get Coors East of the Mississippi. People clamored for it, anybody that went out West would come back and sell cans at keg parties at a premium like they were selling killer bud or something.
Advice for Kevin in Toboso and those rehabbing their boats
• Hunter writes:
Don’t have Facebook, so can’t pass it along that way, but have some advice for him if you don’t mind passing it along. Tell him to look up a product called hydroturf. It’s almost like a yoga mat material, but much tougher, stain resistant, etc and you can order it in rolls and put it down yourself with the right prep. Another option is a product called Seadek, but it’s a little more expensive. They will however custom cut it to your dimensions, can laser etched logos in it, etc. It’s really cool stuff. Feel free to pass along my email if he has any questions or wants pictures of my current boat. Thanks!
The Stanley tumbler suckin' travel ball moms are at it again
• Duncan in Georgia says:
This is worse than Alyssa asking for Cooperstown money.
##############
That's it. I'm out of time. The Email inbox is LOADED. Tomorrow, we'll address tipping your mechanic and finish off the Dean in Georgia vs. the guys who have been treated like Tom Brady by their wives.
Let's go finish the week strong. Email me, Mayor Pete.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com