This '10 Cracker Barrel Items To Avoid' List Is Not Only Un-American, It's Disgusting Propaganda

Another day on the Cracker Barrel beat for me. God, I love this country, Love this job. MLB Opening Day, March Madness resumes AND I get to talk some Cracker Barrel, all in the same day?

Who has it better than I do? Well, I'm sure plenty of folks do, given what my bank account looks like and the fact that my kids didn't sleep last night, but still. The turnaround starts NOW. 

Some clickbait site named TastingTable.com woke up this week and chose violence over the greatest restaurant in America, publishing an article entitled 10 Cracker Barrel Dishes You Should Avoid Completely. 

We all know I won't stand for that propaganda. Might as well have been an NPR story. Just complete drivel. First off, the answer is zero. You should avoid zero items on the Cracker Barrel menu, because they're all delicious and high-quality. 

I'm not even sure there was a question, but that's the answer. 

Secondly, this list is horrible. I'm not so sure the author has even been to a Cracker Barrel after reading it. It's clickbait, and I won't stand for it for one single second. 

Cracker Barrel's meatloaf is off limits

Don't bother giving them the clicks. Just stay here. I'll break it down and save you the trip. 

No. 1 is carrots. That's No. 1. That's wrong. The Cracker Barrel carrots are one of their better sides. My wife gets the vegetable dinner most of the time when you can just pick four sides as your main dish, and carrots are always included. 

Sweet, perfect amount of caramelization, and just the hint of crunch. Perfection.

After that, we have the Friday fish fry, rainbow trout, and then … dumplins. First off, the fish fry is fine. It's fried fish. Nobody is ordering rainbow trout from Cracker Barrel, so that's a waste of an item to include. 

But dumplins? Come on! The author says they're good, but only when paired with … chicken. Chicken 'n Dumplins. Duh! Nobody is just ordering dumplings, you lunatic. No shit. 

This next one is what really sent me spiraling this morning … meatloaf. 

MEATLOAF! 

The meatloaf at Cracker Barrel is among the better slices of meatloaf you'll find in America. I assume I can also include the world in that, because nobody does meatloaf like Americans. 

I'd wager to say that the meatloaf at Cracker Barrel is one of the better things on the menu! Frankly, aside from breakfast items, I'd argue meatloaf IS the best thing on the menu. 

This is how I know this chick has never eaten at Cracker Barrel. I'm not sure she's even stepped inside of one. Pure clickbait. Propaganda. She's probably a Bob Evan's plant. 

"Apparently, the meatloaf wasn't always so bad," she writes. "One customer on Reddit claims that it's not what it used to be, suggesting that at one point, the meatloaf was actually quite enjoyable. These days, though, it seems to be lacking in flavor, with some customers complaining that it doesn't even come with any sauce on top, which is essential for a meat dish that can often be quite dry without some sort of added moisture."

What did Mike Gundy famously say two decades ago? 

THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT AIN'T TRUE! 

It's not. It's all a lie. It's all bullshit. Attack the rainbow trout all you want. That's fine. I can live with that. 

But the meatloaf? We all have our own personal lines we draw in the sand. This is mine. Can't allow that. 

Anyway, it's all nonsense after that, too. Roast beef is next. Wrong. It's delicious. Great pot roast. After that is fresh fruit, which nobody orders unless you have a toddler, and they don't give a shit, anyway. 

Finally, you have chicken pot-pie, corn, and a loaded baked potato. 

Corn? How can corn make this list? It's just … corn. What are we doing here? Do you think people go to Cracker Barrel for the corn? Are there any corn connoisseurs out there who are disappointed in Cracker Barrel's corn side dish?

No. Of course not. This was your classic, "Well, we've got nothing left and we still need to fill this list out. Let's throw corn in there. Next!"

Again, it's propaganda and I won't stand for it. 

Carry on with your days.