Vacation Planning: What To Do? How Much To Pack? Sometimes Men And Women Just Do It Differently

I have my beach days down to a science.

I wake up around 6 a.m, drink a cup of coffee, then head out for a workout. Something about an early run by the ocean — just me and the old locals — is really therapeutic. After I work up a good sweat, then it's the dog's turn to exercise. I snag the ol' gal and let her splash around on the shore until she's worn out.

Shameless photo of my beach bum dog after a swim.

(Photo: Amber Harding)

Then, it's breakfast time. Usually, I whip up some eggs in the room, but sometimes, as a treat, I grab some grub at the beach bar and enjoy a mimosa (or three) with a view.

Eventually, I head back to the room, gather all my stuff for the beach, lather on the SPF and load up the cooler. With any luck, the melodic sound of dumping ice and beer into the Igloo will stir my husband from his slumber.

There Are Two Types Of Vacationers

There are those who like to wake up early, make plans and spend the day adventuring. And there are those who like to catch up on sleep, relax and not be on a schedule.

And those two people usually marry each other.

See, my husband almost always gets up before me at home. Then, just before my alarm is set to go off, he wakes me up with a hot, fresh cup of coffee like the princess that I am. But on vacation, he wants to sleep in. Sure, he'll hit a workout here and there, but for the most part, he wants to chill and just go where the day takes him.

My strategy couldn't be more different.

My vacation philosophy (especially at the beach) is that I'm only there for a certain amount of time. I'm not going to waste those precious hours by sleeping all day or doing things I can do at home — like watching movies or going to a shopping mall or something. (Do people still go to shopping malls?)

Anyway, I'm there to revel in every sunrise, every sunset, every delicious bit of seafood and all the best local hangs.

This girl gets it:

I think the best explanation for our different vacation styles is that my husband's job is very physical. Mine is very not physical. He needs that time to recharge. Meanwhile, I'm tickled pink to get out of my home office for a week or two.

(Not that I don't love writing for y'all on OutKick, of course. But sometimes a girl needs a piña colada, some sand on her bum and nobody talking about politics.)

But because Mike and I are opposite vacationers, I've learned a few tips over the years to make both of us happy. So if you and your significant other are in the same boat, listen up.

• Mix it up: Don't do the same damn trip every damn time. The person who isn't as thrilled to do activities or go exploring is going to be even less inclined if they've been to that particular destination 175 times. Plus, not everyone loves to do the same things. For example, I'm a beach bum, and my husband is more of a mountain man. So we alternate mountain and beach trips.
• Compromise: If one person doesn't want to be on a schedule the entire trip, he can probably handle a dinner reservation or an excursion every other day. A good rule for everyone on group vacations, not just couples: You don’t have to like every activity, but don’t ruin it for the ones who do.
• Solo Time Is OK: Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be up each other's butts all the time. It's OK for her to go to an art gallery while he plays golf. Or for one person to hit happy hour while the other takes a nap. (I realize that strategy is a little harder when small kids are involved, but it can be done.) Just like in your regular life, there's no reason everyone needs to do exactly the same things all the time.

Christian Is With Me!

I am totally team Amber on vacation strategy, and daily programming. I was married for almost twenty years, and had four great kids. We always went to the coastal islands of North Carolina for vacation, but had an annual trip to Captiva / Sanibel in Florida. I would highly recommend this trip with or without kids, if you like exercise, nature, beach culture, food, music, fishing or anything you equate to island paradise with no congestion. 

A positive carefree attitude and adventure usually translate to a good time. You will kick yourself for not spending that extra $250 in twenty years, and everyone is older.

Amber:

Christian also included his full family beach day itinerary, which starts with a 5:30 a.m. wake up, includes time for pool, beach, meals and other activities, then ends with a 10:30 p.m. quick prep for the next day. And he even did it with kiddos!

I respect the heck out of that. That's loosely my itinerary as well. My husband, though? He'd be like, "You have fun. I'll see you around noon."

Not my husband, but same vibe.

(Getty Images)

I'm also totally with Christian on the money thing. Nothing dampens a vacation like a penny-pinching grump. 

We have a family friend (let's call her Sandy) who is the ultimate vacation buzzkill. Every restaurant we go to, she complains about the prices. Every time someone buys something, she comments on how much it costs. Want to grab a Mai Tai at the beach bar? Too expensive, there's rum at home.

Exhausting.

Now don't get me wrong: I'm not suggesting anyone spiral themselves into bankruptcy over a vacation. Obviously, have a budget. But if you're not going to enjoy yourself, you might as well stay at home.

Plus — and this is news to Sandy — you can order yourself a turkey sandwich without shaming the person who sprang for the steak and lobster.

Sarah With The Age-Old Question: How Early Do You Show Up To The Airport?

My boyfriend is one of those people who thinks you have to show up hours and hours before a flight. I'd be fine rolling in just before the plane boards, but he goes into full panic mode if we're not sitting at the gate waiting forever.

Amber:

Quick story time.

About 12 years ago, when I lived in Arizona, my then-boyfriend's old high school buddy was getting married in Wilmington, N.C. We'll call my old boyfriend Adam. Adam and I decided to fly in a day early so that we could spend a nice evening at Wrightsville Beach before all the hectic wedding festivities began.

We had a 9 a.m. flight out of Sky Harbor in Phoenix. The doggy daycare was just 10 minutes from the airport, but it didn't open until 7 that morning. I told Adam we should probably drop the dog off the evening before so that we wouldn't be cutting it so close.

"Nonsense," he told me. "We'll drop her off right when they open, we'll be at the airport by 7:15, 7:30. No problem."

I didn't feel good about it, but I decided not to be a control freak. His friend's wedding, his rules. I'll back off and go along for the ride.

Well… you won't be shocked to know we missed our flight.

And not only did we miss our flight out of Phoenix, but we also missed our connector in Charlotte, spent the whole night in the Charlotte airport dealing with airline customer service, and we lost the $200 or so we spent on a beachfront hotel.

So all that to say… I'm with Sarah's boyfriend on this one.

I am that person who always gets to the airport two or three hours in advance. Is it overkill? Usually. But you'll never find me panicking in the security line, frantically running to the gate or missing my flight. Matter of fact, you'll find me at the hotel bar — calm, cool, collected and kicking back with a pre-vacation beer.

Sarah, much respect to you and the other limit-pushers. But it could never be me.

Bradley Is Sick Of All This Baggage!

Amber, I speak for all men everywhere when I say women have gotta stop trying to pack the whole house to go on a weeklong trip. Why do you need all that stuff?!

Amber:

Bradley, I don't know how to break this to you, but this is never going to change.

I've always had the same packing strategy: If you bring everything, you won't forget anything! Women want to make sure we're prepared for any situation. A fancy dinner, a stroll through town, a yoga class, a sudden and completely unpredictable weather anomaly… we have outfits and shoes for all of that.

However, if your wife or girlfriend is anything like me, she'll have grand delusions of getting all dolled up for dinners on vacation. Then, after a couple of days of being in the hot sun, it's tank tops, shorts, flip-flops and messy buns the rest of the way.

Also, there are just things women need that men don't. While you men can get by on 4-in-1 shampoo and a dream, we need our full skincare routine, shampoo, conditioner, hair masks, makeup, hairdryers and curling irons… need me to continue?

Just appreciate how hard she works to look pretty for you, and carry her luggage like the gentleman you are. Because, fellas, you have to pick your battles. And you're not winning this one.

Let Me Hear It

Have thoughts on baggage, airports, vacation itineraries or anything in between? Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com.

Let's open the rest of the mailbag.

Daniel C. Has Some Thoughts On Bert Kreischer (And Some Pretty Good Marriage Advice)

READ: Bert Kreischer Gets Humbled By Tom Papa

Reminds me of married friends/dudes when I was young (68 now, so like you being too old for Bert, I am too old for you!). They would complain that they weren't "getting any" since getting married. But I would visit on the weekend, and they were half-asleep on the couch, hung-over, T-shirt no longer up to the task of covering the ever-expanding stomach and obviously not showered. Gee, your wife/girlfriend isn't all over you??? Get the F*CK outta here! 

Staying in shape gets harder the older you get. You work out twice as hard to get half the results, so appreciate the time you can snap the body back into shape. We all wind up with the furniture problem (chest slips into our drawers).

Amber:

You're a smart guy, Daniel.

On my list of possible Womansplaining topics, I have the concept of people getting too comfortable in their relationships. And I'm not just talking about putting on a pound or two (or 30). I mean the age-old problem that people get so comfortable in their long-term relationships that they stop doing the things that made their partner fall in love in the first place. No bueno, guys.

But more on that another time.

Andy In Texas Has Thoughts On Stay-At-Home Moms

While I read your article and your most recent article with the responses, I thought I’d throw in my one cent. First, not a Catholic. I do not think [Harrison Butker's] commencement speech was terrible, but certainly think some things could have been said differently.

My mother was a stay-at-home Mom in the 50s-60s but was anything but stay-at-home. She was involved with her church and was on the board there. She was kind to those who were in need and was always the first to step forward to help. I remember that she helped a family through T-Day & Christmas holidays with food and gifts for the kids. The father ended up being very ungracious to her face, but she would not let that dissuade her. (Was a good lesson for me to grow up with).

She often took groups of neighborhood kids on nature walks through the woods in the summer and fall to expand their environment. She took three cousins on an around the state (Illinois) week-long history trip.

She was much more than just a stay-at-home mom. She was a kind, generous and industrious woman. Fathers raise daughters and mothers create men.

Amber:

This is a beautiful tribute to your mom, Andy. "Mothers create men" is such a great line, and so true.

Ryan Is The Voice Of Reason

Sorry you’ve had such silly blow back over the Harrison Butker article. Especially from the right. As much as we like to look down on the left for stupid cancel culture and being "keyboard warriors," we have a frustrating tendency to engage in it ourselves when it’s the "right" target.  

Also, an inherent part of being part of the conservative/libertarian side of things is that you believe in freedom of thought. I have never once found a person, in real life, history, or a galaxy far, far away that I 100% agree with. And I’ve never encountered someone who 100% agrees with everything I think. That’s fine. That’s why I vote for/read/listen to people I MOSTLY agree with. You being solidly conservative but just not wanting to feel like you’re being talked down to for not having kids is a bit of a weak reason to run you off the reservation and accusing you of becoming Tennessee AOC.  

Anyways, I know the Nancys won’t keep you down. 

Amber:

Ha! Ryan is referring to a couple of emails I received from readers last week who wanted me to jump off a cliff for saying I didn't love Harrison Butker's commencement speech. But I can promise those Nancys will not keep me down.

Because I got way more emails from people like Ryan with thoughtful and constructive insight. He's right — we're never going to agree on absolutely everything. But I always welcome respectful debate and conversation. That's how we all get better.

Jeremy Is Killing It As A Girl Dad

I'm a 46yo divorced dad with 2 daughters, a 21yo junior in college and a 16yo soon to be junior in high school. I was married for 16 years and their mom and I separated and divorced a couple years ago. Shortly after we split, my then 13yo came to me and asked to live with me full time. I told her my only requirement was that she be open and honest with me about what she needs... I don't know anything about being a girl!

We've had a blast, and I've done things I never would have done in the past. We've been watching Caitlin Clark together this year, both at Iowa and now in the WNBA! Five years ago, I would have promised you I would die long before I watched a WNBA game.  

She's a Swiftie and I took her and 2 of her friends to Nashville last summer to see T-Swift! I spent more on those tickets than I did my ex-wife's wedding rings! :) Weather delayed the show 3-4 hours, Taylor played her full show, and we got back home to north Alabama at 5am. I had a blast playing a role in those 3 ladies seeing their favorite artist and the memories they made! Honestly, I'm a heavy metal guy, but my daughter had played Taylor so much in my car that I knew most of the words, and I was just as hoarse as they were driving home! They've asked me to take them to another concert this summer!

I tell you all that just to say thank you for the weekly article! I was raised Southern Baptist, politically conservative. But what I want more than anything is for my daughters to be happy, whatever they choose to do. I certainly enjoy the humor and light-hearted parts of the weekly column. But I also appreciate the more serious topics that help me understand (my) girls and help me be a better father to them. Thank you! 

READ: From 'Boss Babes' To 'Homemakers': Why Both The Left And Right Suck At Talking To Women

(P.S. I only skimmed the HB comments after he made them, turns out I misread them. The next day my daughter brought it up, and I told her I thought she was wrong about what she thought he said. Anyway, your article made me go back to his original comments and realize my error.... and now I can apologize to her, tell her she was right, and assure her that she gets to decide what makes her happy! If it weren't for you, I would have missed this opportunity!)

Amber:

I don't have anything to add to this email except that I love it. Jeremy, your girls are lucky to have you.

Speaking of Girl Dads…

A few weeks ago, Britt posed a question to the fathers out there: "What female artist or band (singer[s]) did you get hooked on because your daughters loved them?" 

Chris writes:

To answer Britt's question, I have a 13yr old daughter and my wife and I will be taking her to her first concert... Conan Gray.

I will admit that I actually like some of his music. He has a Gothy, Depeche Mode, feel to him. The lyrics are hysterical and totally made to "speak" to a teenage girl!!

The flipside is that both my children, 19yr old boy and said daughter, have also embraced some of our music after drilling it into their heads all these years!! Nothing better than listening to your kids singing Pearl Jam or 80's New Wave like The Cure!!

Happy Ending

You don't need a vacation strategy when you have this much rizz.

Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Wednesdays at noon ET.

Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.