Survey Reveals What Women Really Want On Dates ...And It's Not Complicated

It's been a while since I've been on a first date — 1,614 days, to be exact. And I certainly don't miss it.

From figuring out what to wear and what to do to making forced conversation, deciding who pays and trying to gauge whether there's actually any sort of connection … the whole experience is (usually) so awkward. And the worst part is when you realize quickly that you don't vibe with the person at all … but you still have to finish dinner or a round of drinks before you can politely skedaddle.

I was on the ol' dating apps for a long time, but I usually only fired them up if I was bored, drunk or both. And probably 99% of my "matches" never made it to an in-person meeting. Admittedly, I usually lost interest quickly.

RELATED: Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating App Red Flags

The face of a woman who has lost interest.

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And it's not because I was overly critical or unserious about meeting someone. It's because I value my time, and I don't want to waste it. See, I'm the kind of person who is perfectly content being alone. And until I met someone who was going to add value to my life (as opposed to making it more complicated or stressful), I had every intention of staying that way.

Now — unlike Whitney Houston — I am not every woman. So this is just my opinion. But if you're a single guy out there, I'm going to give you what I believe are some solid tips not only to secure the first date but also to knock it out of the park. 

Getting The Date

Let me tell you about my best-ever first date: I was a bartender at the time, and I was winding down at home after a long shift. A couple glasses of wine deep, I fired up Hinge and swiped right on a good-looking man named Mike with blue eyes and no immediately apparent red flags.

Oh hey, a match!

He messaged me within the hour to say hello. But he didn't waste time with a bunch of small talk. Soon after the initial intro, he just went for it.

"Since you're a bartender, does that mean I can't take you out on Friday night?"

I said, "Yeah, I'm working Friday. But I'm off Saturday."

Mike immediately responded with a plan for Saturday: Dinner at a little Italian place on the square and — if we hit it off — a bottle of wine after. Dinner's on him, and I'm tasked with bringing the vino.

Spoiler alert: We did hit it off. And two years later, we took our engagement photos outside that same little Italian place on the square.

Adorable, I know.

(Photo: Katie Kessel)

Guys, this is the way. I'm not saying chicken marsala and a bottle of Malbec has to be the plan, but the important point here is that there should, in fact, be a plan. It could be a coffee date, a walk in the park, a happy hour, lunch, whatever. Just don't waffle and don't make her decide. Find out what she likes, pick the place and name the time.

This eliminates that annoying back and forth that eventually just fades into monotony before both of you just lose interest altogether. Plus — and I will scream this from the rooftops if I must — I speak for absolutely every female on this planet when I say there's nothing hotter than a man who makes a plan.

And that's good advice for men in relationships, too.

Now, obviously, my particular example relates to dating apps, but you can apply the same strategy to someone you meet in the wild. Once you've established that she's interested, hit her with the plan.

Also, Mike has to have some sort of record. He was on the dating apps for only two weeks before he found his wife. Two weeks! Maybe he should be writing this column.

What Women Want While On A Date

Last month, Tinder released a study highlighting dating app behaviors in 2024. The company polled 8,000 heterosexual men and women across four countries — the United States, the United Kingdom, Australia and Canada — to find out what they really want out of the dating scene.

Here are four key findings:

• Nearly all participating men (91%) and women (94%) agree that dating has become more difficult in recent years.
• The majority of both men (53%) and women (68%) responded that they want a romantic relationship, as opposed to casual flings.
• While 65% of women said they believe that men are only seeking casual flings, the percentage was actually less than half of that among responding men (29%).

So, according to this study, people still want to form legitimate connections. But in an age where we are all chronically online, it's actually become more difficult to do so. Another reason why making a plan early-on works — get the relationship out of the chat and into real life.

READ: Modern Dating Is Like An All-You-Can-Eat Buffet ...And That's Not Really A Good Thing

OK, so you've made the plan, she's agreed, and you're locked in for your first date. Let's say you really like this woman and want this date to turn into more.

Women surveyed in the Tinder study provided three key things they want to see on a date when they're looking for a potential partner. And the good news, fellas, is they are all VERY EASY to pull off:

• Make sure your date gets home safely: 59% of women found this level of care to be chivalrous (versus 38% of men)
• Put your phone away during one-on-one time: 55% of women prefer going screen-free on dates (versus 34% of men)
• Give sincere compliments: 50% of women appreciate genuine affirmations on a date (versus 35% of men)

See? Not hard at all. Send a quick text to make sure she got home safely. Stay off your phone during the date. Tell her she's pretty or that you like her outfit or that she's great at parallel parking. (That was actually the first thing out of my now-husband's mouth when I pulled up to our first date and whipped into the parking spot like a pro. Maybe he's never seen a woman do that without bouncing off the curb.)

Get off your phone, guys.

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And while Tinder was responsible for this study, these tips don't just apply to dating app dates. These are good rules of thumb for your second, third, 10th date — even when you're married (although I assume you won't have to text to make sure she got home safely at that point).

Nothing groundbreaking. Just basic chivalry and undivided attention. We don't have to over-complicate this.

And Please Ignore This Chick

OK, so I already know what you're thinking: Amber, some women ARE complicated.

And while you may be right, a good first impression is universally important.

Sure, there may be exceptions, but basic chivalry is still valued by MOST of the female population. And let's be real, if you go on a date with someone who gets offended when you open a door for her… she's probably not someone you're going to get along with in the long term, anyway.

And definitely don't waste your energy on someone like this:

In case you can't watch that video right now, I'll summarize: This woman went on a date with a man, then agreed to come back to his place to hang out. But she established ahead of time that she did not want to sleep with him. (Good for her. Setting boundaries on a first date is healthy and fine.)

"He respects my wishes. He's so nice. He cuddles me all night," she says. "And I'm like, ‘are you f*cking gay?’"

Oh boy. Basically, she was offended that the guy didn't try to have sex with her… even though she told him she did not want to do that. So the Twitter peanut gallery, of course, chimed in on this post with sweeping insults of all females. 

Are women OK?

Females have no idea what they want!

Western women are broken!

No, no. We are not. That lady doesn't represent us any more than P. Diddy represents you.

This guy did everything right by not trying to force himself on her after she explicitly set her boundaries. In fact, I give him credit for still wanting to spend time with her without the expectation of sex. If she wants him to disregard her consent (or lack thereof, rather) just to make her feel more attractive, that's a HER problem. 

And something tells me this girl will be a constant problem — although some poor sap will tolerate it just because she's very attractive.

There are lots of fish in the sea, man. Throw that one back and go find another one. The Tinder survey might not tell you that, but I will.

Want to know what NOT to do on a first date? We covered that here.

Next Week: Getting Way Too Comfortable

This topic has been on my list for a while, and reader Daniel C. brought up some great points in an email last week. So let's do it.

Sometimes people get way too comfortable in their relationships, and they start to slip. And I'm not just talking about physically, like putting on a pound or two. I mean the age-old problem that people get so complacent in their long-term relationships that they stop doing the things that made their partner fall in love in the first place. Or they start taking their spouse for granted.

Have some examples in your own past or present relationship? Send them my way at Amber.Harding@outkick.com! Remember I'm always happy to keep you anonymous — just let me know.

Email me!

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A couple quick ones from the mailbag…

Anthony C. Tosses In His 2 Cents On Vacation Strategy

Two weeks ago, I wrote about vacationing with your significant other. We covered everything from schedules to packing to budgets and airport arrival times.

READ: Vacation Planning: What To Do? How Much To Pack? Sometimes Men And Women Just Do It Differently

Anthony C. writes:

1) I pack at least double the amount of clothes needed for the trip. 3 days I got 6 days worth of undies/socks/etc. Even if it's a beach vacation. Can't be too safe. 

The wife has at least 10 days worth of clothes and what not in the bag. I am always surprised when it misses the weight cut off by .3 lbs. LOL

2) We are always on the same itinerary. I am the guy up at 6 a.m. working out in the hotel gym or finding a secluded spot on the beach to do jumping jacks. By the time I get back, I will pick up breakfast and coffee for the room (If we have guests or my kid is with me). Usually get back and it's pitch dark, and they are passed out. (Hotel shades and beds are the best!) Oh, and the room is 57 degrees. Ice on the windows. 

3) The day is thought about during breakfast. What are we doing? If we are not going to Universal Orlando for 3 days, it gets a little back and forth. Always includes some day-drinking or a trip to the dispensary (If you have never been to one, you should go). It is an awesome experience if you have never been to one. Think of a doctor's office with weed and a giant bouncer out front. 

4) Then, the day just goes with some changes here or there depending on the situations we get into. Could be a nap at around 2. Or some beach time. 

5) Dinner poses the biggest problem, as we all have different ideas for dinner. I am not cheap on vacations. I spend all year being cheap. What usually happens at dinner is we spend too much money on some crap meal and whoever picked the place does the walk of shame. "OK you pick tomorrow!" then history repeats itself. If you ever talk about a place to go for a good meal, I have a couple… but just a couple. 

6) Night time depends. The 1st night is always the strongest. By night 4 or 5, ugh you're done. (Well unless you're in Vegas again, it all depends on how much you lost at the slot machine). Your friend from the beach or you drank yourself straight. Oh, and you're out of weed. (Don't want to end up "Locked up abroad"). So you pack up and wait to go home. Only to get smacked in the face with the Monday back to work where you're getting text messages at 0 dark 30 from customers asking if you died or on your deathbed. 

Tom In Houston Adds:

My wife and I are celebrating our 25th anniversary next year, so I've figured out how to deal with a lot of our differences, and gotten over most of what I haven't figured out. Still really enjoy the column, even though I learned long ago that I'll never really understand women.

My biggest vacation issue is packing for the trip. I usually have my stuff packed and ready the weekend before we go, except for a few things that I need during the week that I throw in later. She doesn't pack until the night before, or even the day of, usually in a panic and telling me I should have taken the day off because we have so much left to do.  WE don't, just you do, but I learned long ago not to say that out loud. Pretty good learning for someone as stupid as me. I just have to deal with her preferring to function in last minute mode, while I prefer to take a more leisurely pace.

Amber:

I'm with your wife on this one, Tom. I ALWAYS tell myself, I will not wait until the last minute.

Yet there I am — the night before the trip — buried under a mountain of laundry, drinking a glass of wine and saying, "Next time, I will start earlier."

Just For Funsies

Jon Lajoie (the musical genius who brought us "Everyday Normal Guy" and "Show Me Your Genitals" so many years ago) is back with another banger. So if you or some happy couple you know is looking for a wedding song, here you go.

Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Wednesdays at noon ET.

Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.