'Rocking Chair Guy' Sends Women Into A Fury & Guys, Just Let Her Decorate The House
"You deserve a real bed."
That's what my now-husband said to me the third time I slept over at his house — as he proudly unveiled the headboard and frame he had just purchased off Wayfair and assembled in his bedroom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him it was ugly. It was low-profile, mahogany-colored wood with a black metal frame, and it clashed horribly with his worn-out gray comforter. But it was certainly an improvement over the king mattress he previously had just lying on the floor.
See, Mike has never really cared about aesthetics. His home was nice but bare bones, as far as furniture goes. It simply looked like a single guy lived there — because he did. His garage, his tool bench and his gun safe, though? Well-stocked. Well-organized. Immaculate.
Priorities, you know?
But fast-forward a year and a half, and we were tired of paying two mortgages. So I sold my house in Nashville and (officially) moved in with him just 25 minutes south in Murfreesboro. It didn't feel great giving up my house. I worked hard to buy that house at just 26 years old, and I was proud of it. But Mike wanted to make me feel welcome and comfortable, so he promised me I could decorate our house however I wanted.
Game on, baby.
Over the next couple of years, we turned that bachelor pad into a cozy suburban dream home. We ripped up carpets, laid down new floors, repurposed old furniture, brought in new furniture, painted and, yes, purchased a proper bedroom set.
My husband was fully on board with everything — even down to the mauve-tufted ottomans I placed at the foot of our bed.
The Tale Of 'Rocking Chair Guy'
But not everyone is as chill as Mike is. And ‘Rocking Chair Guy’ — who set relationship-Twitter on fire this week — is a perfect example.
Nicholas was having a spat with his fiancée over the decor of their new baby nursery. So, like all mature adults in stable relationships do, he complained about her to millions of strangers on social media.
"My pregnant fiancée just told me we can't put the rocking chair my father bought for my mother that my sister and I were both nursed on in the baby's nursery because it won't match her 'theme,'" he wrote.
"Both my parents have passed. This is a big f-cking issue for me."
OK, a lot to dissect here. And we're going to skip past the fact that this couple lacks even the most basic of communication and conflict resolution skills.
My knee-jerk reaction was the same as pretty much every woman on the app: The nursery is her domain. Of course, it's his baby, too. But she's the one carrying the baby for nine months. She's the one enduring the pain of labor and childbirth. And she's the one who will spend most of her waking moments nursing the newborn in that chair for the next several months.
This is HER call.
On the other hand, I do understand the sentimental value of Nicholas' mother's chair — especially since both of his parents are gone. I have a few of my late grandmother's belongings, and they are tremendously special to me. So I was slightly sympathetic to his cause until I saw this:
"Tell her, ‘it wasn’t a suggestion.' And then do as you please," one person replied.
"That was my plan," Nicholas responded.
Oh, hell no.
And that's when all the women on X collectively teamed up against this guy. And oh, they got jokes.
I'm also convinced this is what Taylor Swift was venting to Travis about during their vacation in the Bahamas.
This whole thing reminds me of an ex-boyfriend of mine who was weirdly attached to his parents' old furniture. A busted, scratched-up nightstand, a blue love seat with the stuffing coming out and a particle-board desk that was missing a drawer face.
He adamantly refused to replace any of these things. And his parents were alive and well, by the way.
Anyway, the obvious solution here is to allow the fiancée to choose her nursery chair and simply put the special rocker somewhere else in the home. But why come to a reasonable compromise when you can bash your future wife on Twitter instead?
Look, I'm certainly not saying you should just blindly bow down to your wife about every decision regarding home decor. It's your house, too. But maybe pick your battles. She gets the nursery, you get the garage. She picks granite or marble, you pick charcoal or propane. She buys the artwork and the throw pillows, you just shut up and admire them.
Especially if your mattress was lying on the floor before she came along.
Let Me Know What You Think
Did your wife or girlfriend swoop in and re-decorate your whole house? What decor (if any) did you disagree over? Did you compromise with a man cave? And am I being a total asshole about ‘Rocking Chair Guy’ and the memory of his dead mom?
Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com with your thoughts.
Let's open the mailbag.
Sarah Needs To Tie Up Loose Ends
Last week, I shared some insight from Michael Sartain, a relationship coach, who suggested group outings — as opposed to traditional first dates — might be the best way to see if you're compatible with someone in the modern age of dating apps and hook-up culture. I also told a story about an awful first "date" I had, in which the guy mooched off my friends, got blackout drunk and had to be carried out of a bar.
READ IT HERE: Is Traditional Courting Dead? Dating Coach Says Group Outings Might Be A Better Option
Sarah writes:
How are you going to leave us hanging like that?! What happened after Brandon embarrassed himself? Did he apologize? Was it awkward at the gym?
Amber:
Brandon actually texted me the day after humiliating himself (and me) in front of all my friends. He said, "So I don't suppose I'm going to get another chance?"
An astute observation on his part.
I did see him at the gym one more time, but he kept his head down and avoided eye contact. I ended up switching gyms soon afterward. Not because of him — I just found a better option. In more ways than one.
Anthony Weeds Out The Clowns
You can definitely find out about someone taking them out with your friends. That's actually more ballsy than going out alone on a date. (Your friends will judge that person no matter what.) I am one of those friends. LMAO.
"That guy's a clown" or "What's his problem?" hahaha
Had one select dude ask me if I ever raced "Monaco" Yeah sure pal! The girl dumped him the same night. Give me a break.
Most of the girls I know are single. I have been married since 1997, when you HAD to pick up a girl at the club or bar.
Amber:
Oh, you've never raced Monaco, Anthony? I mean, who hasn't raced Monaco? What a loser.
Reghinald On Group Dates & Courting
I do believe what Michael Sartain opined has some validity. I think that traditional courting is on life support, and I do believe it could be revived for certain. "Dating" a decade ago was definitely easier than it is now. In this ever-changing time, it appears that it’s more convoluted and trickier to navigate.
When I was younger (talking almost a half lifetime ago), I was very against pursuing someone in my friend group. I was too concerned about the prospective of losing a valued friend, if it was mutual agreed to pursue. I’ve since wisened up. I do believe that a person’s friend group may be a better evaluator of potential. A reputable friend group will likely know one’s type, shortcomings, and positive attributes, or may know someone who could be of mutual interest. With these apps, it is just arguably imbalanced.
The tricky part is that sometimes, men have to figure it out (on the fly) if she’s just being nice, or if she’s genuinely interested. Some body language can be misconstrued, and others make it like calculus (some of it just doesn’t add up). If a man does decide to approach, and she’s not interested or doesn’t want to be disturbed, then sometimes, it makes the man look like a "creep," whether it’s intended or not.
I wouldn’t be opposed to bringing a potential female (born female, identifies as female, put this in the "duh" category) partner to a group of friends, before taking her on a date, but it would have to be the correct scenario.
Amber:
Yeah, I think Michael's reasoning made a lot of sense. Your friends act as an "immune system" that can help you weed out bad actors and give a true assessment of that person's character. Seeing how that person interacts in a social environment can also teach you a lot about him or her and can be a good measure of compatibility. I just think, logistically, bringing a potential boyfriend or girlfriend to a group outing (which is already remarkably hard to organize after the age of 30) is tough.
Dating someone who is already in your friend group is a different story entirely, and I'd tread very lightly there. If things don't work out, it can get ugly.
It's kind of like dating a co-worker. Unless y'all fall in love and get married, it's just going to end up awkward for everybody.
Are group outings the new first dates?
(Getty Images)
Jeff Does Not Recommend The Group Date Strategy
Group dates are a great idea until you bring a girl you're newly dating to meet your buddies, and she ends up f-cking one of them instead. Ask me how I know.
Amber:
Jeff, we need to get you some new friends. This is the ultimate bro code violation.
Coming Up: Cheating & Open Relationships
Next week, I'll be chatting with Paul Keable, the chief strategy officer at Ashley Madison — a dating site for married people who are looking for affairs. I want to make very clear that I don't condone infidelity or this website.
But Paul and I are going to talk about what he sees as a generational shift toward non-monogamy and open relationships. Also, he'll share with me some demographics of people who are active on Ashley Madison and the common reasons why these cheaters have stepped out on their marriages.
Probably because their spouses air out all their dirty rocking chair laundry on social media.
If you have any questions for Paul OR want to share your own thoughts on cheating, open relationships and monogamy, shoot me a note. (Remember I'm happy to keep you anonymous — just ask.)
Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Wednesdays at noon ET.
Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.