From 'Boss Babes' To 'Homemakers': Why Both The Left And Right Suck At Talking To Women

I've been wanting to write this column for a long time.

For months, I've been throwing it around with my husband. Should I write it? Will it be received well? Will I be shunned, ostracized to a deserted island, tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered?

He asked me, "What are you so worried about?"

Great question. Honestly, I'm worried about losing favor with my readers. They might send me mean emails. They might call me names. They might (gasp) disagree with me. And, upon reflection, that's pretty weak on my part. Because that's exactly why this column needs to be written.

I signed up to be your Womansplainer. I signed up to give you a woman's perspective. And that's what I'm going to do.

So buckle up, birdies. I might just ruffle your feathers.

Some Background

Back in March, I wrote a column about the trouble with modern feminism. I explained that feminism has become almost a dirty word, particularly in conservative circles, and I think that’s a shame. Because, at its roots, feminism is a wonderful thing. 

Unless, of course, you're someone who believes that women should not have the right to vote, be financially independent or otherwise be allowed to participate in society without the express written consent of our husbands and fathers — in which case, I can't help you.

But it's because of feminism that you can look your daughter in the eyes and tell her she can take on the world — because she has the same rights and opportunities as any boy. And I think that's pretty cool.

So thanks to the passing of the 19th Amendment in 1920 (and lots more progress since then) women have moved from "seen and not heard" to active and equal members of society.

"With great power comes great responsibility," was a legendary line in the Spider-Man universe. 

True. But in this case, with great power comes …a whole lot of unsolicited advice from both sides.

The Power Of The Female Vote

I'm about to drop some numbers, so get ready to pick 'em up.

In the 2020 election, 68.4% of eligible women voted, compared to 65% of eligible men. In 2016, those numbers were 63% of women and 59% of men.

And it's not just Trump Derangement Syndrome, either. In fact, the last time male voters outnumbered female voters in a U.S. presidential election was 1964. Since then, women have consistently voted at higher rates than men in every presidential election.

A group of Women's Suffrage activists march in a parade circa 1913.

(Photo by FPG/Archive Photos/Getty Images)

Yet despite our pivotal role in selecting the leader of this country, many women feel like neither political party really has our back. The Left cheers for career women (and men pretending to be women) but sometimes snubs its nose stay-at-home moms. The Right waves the flag for "traditional family values" but doesn't hold men to the same standards — and can be judgy about women who choose to prioritize careers or decide not to have kids at all.

It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, except the rock is yelling at you to get a job and the hard place wants you to bake cookies all day.

I'll start with the former.

The Left: What Is A Woman?

There's a painfully obvious misogyny on the Left in the form of radical gender ideology. Grow your hair out, put on a dress and call yourself a woman? Well, by golly, you're a woman!

Except you're not. And it's patently offensive to reduce womanhood to clothing, fake boobs and makeup — a caricature. Further, liberal politicians are writing laws that infringe upon the safety and privacy of actual women to appease men who say they are.

I'm not even convinced most of these politicians really believe it's the right thing to do. I think they're just obediently voting along party lines. You know, the same reason Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson couldn't define the word "woman" without being a biologist.

But transgender issues aside, career success is the golden ticket on the Left. Break that glass ceiling, ladies, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have it all! Boss babes run the world. Stay-at-home moms are handmaids. Married women are suckers.

Sheryl Sandberg wrote a whole book in 2013, called Lean In, encouraging women to assert themselves both in the workplace and at home. Sandberg was the very rich COO of Facebook at the time. But she forgot to mention that this dual role is significantly harder for women who aren't worth $2 billion. 

Oh, and shortly after this book was published, Facebook faced widespread criticism from parents who said the tech giant doesn't adequately support working mothers. Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg & Co. refused to allow flexible work-from-home options or even offer unpaid leave for mothers who needed more time to care for their newborns.

In other words, the real-life Sandberg was all about "girl power" in the office, but not so much at home.

Former Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg was all about working moms! But was she really?

(Photo by Dominic Lipinski/PA Images via Getty Images)

So last week, when a football player went viral for saying that women had been told "diabolical lies" about the importance of their professional achievements, he ignited a firestorm on the Internet.

I don't know who the diabolical liar was — maybe it was Sheryl. What I do know is that his words brought out the worst on both sides of the aisle.

The Right: Shut Up And Have Babies

I know. You're sick of hearing about Harrison Butker. So am I. And I'm not going to harp on the speech itself. Rather, let's discuss the reaction to it.

Butker gave a commencement speech at Benedictine College, where he explained that, while some of the female graduates will go on to lead successful careers, "I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world."

Immediately, tribal behavior went into full effect. The Left said he was hateful, sexist and wanted all women to be barefoot, pregnant and chained to a cast iron skillet. They signed a petition to have him kicked out of the NFL.

But the knee-jerk reactions on the Right were just as silly.

Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker

(Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports)

I'm speaking specifically to the girl dads here (not the single, childless males who have been very vocal about this issue on social media): On the day of your daughter's graduation, are you sitting her down to talk about her future husband? When her basketball team wins the state championship, are you using that opportunity to remind her that she won't know true joy until she has kids? When she passes the bar exam or buys her first house, is that a good time for you to hit her with the ol' "diabolical lies" lecture?

Of course not. You're celebrating her achievement in that moment. 

So if you look at it that way, maybe — just maybe — you can see why the timing of those comments might have been interpreted as Butker undercutting the accomplishments these young women were at their commencement to be rewarded for. Even if that wasn't his intention at all.

Instead of thoughtful and respectful discourse like that, though, women who expressed distaste for the speech were met with a chorus of red-pillers calling them names and telling them how dumb and sensitive they are.

Butker spoke the TRUTH! If you're mad about this speech, then you're just a stupid, fat, ugly blue-haired feminist. Enjoy dying alone with all your cats!

Charming.

And that's where I have beef with the Right. Because this sort of hateful attitude and disdain toward women is rampant on social media among some of the loudest conservative voices.

Like Matt Walsh asserting that women in leadership positions have led to the downfall of western civilization. Or Ben Shapiro ranting about how women who don't have children are miserable, selfish, bad people. How about Tim Pool thinking it's funny that women in New York City were being attacked and punched in the face?

And then there's my personal favorite: Charlie Kirk giving his lil' talky talk about how women lose all their value once they turn 30.

Shame, insults and belittling are not good persuasion techniques, guys.

And, on a much more repulsive level, there are red-pill manfluencer accounts entirely dedicated to aggregating women's photos and TikTok videos just so they can insult, degrade and dunk on them. They hate feminism and expect women to remain quiet, polite and virtuous — all while contradicting themselves by idolizing men like Andrew Tate, Dan Bilzerian and, well, Donald Trump.

No offense to President Trump, but he's not exactly the poster child for traditional family values.

Of course, not all men on the Right engage in this behavior. I'd venture to guess, most of you are worrying about your own life — not preaching to other people about how to live theirs.

But the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And the squeaky wheels I just mentioned are pushing women toward the Left.

The Solution Is Pretty Simple

Lest you think I'm specifically attacking conservatives, I am not. I have voted Republican in every election since I was old enough to go to the polls, and I plan to do so again in November. That's why I'm passionate about changing the narrative.

Because despite their political differences, both sides share a common trend: telling women what should make them happy. Whether it’s career success or family life, the underlying message coming from pundits on each side is that they know what’s best for our lives.

And I'm not blind to the fact that men, too, face unique societal pressures. As someone with XX chromosomes, I'm not going to pretend I understand what it feels like to be you, a man.

But I can speak for women when I say we're tired of outside voices shaming us for the decisions we make in our personal lives. Stay-at-home trad wife or boss bitch, mother of six or child-free by choice, modest or provocative… You don't have to agree — you just have to find a partner whose values align with yours. 

Or don't. You could stay single and miserable with all your cats!

What you all think I look like after reading this column.

(Getty Image)

Just kidding. I prefer dogs.

But — whether it's the Democrats or the Republicans — whichever party can figure out how to genuinely support women while also respecting our autonomy… they're going to be tough to beat in any election.

And then maybe we can all finally stop fighting over that f-cking graduation speech.

Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Wednesdays at noon ET.

Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.