This Is Bound To Be Bad: Joe Biden To Address Spike In Reported COVID Cases

Get your popcorn ready. On Tuesday, President Joe Biden is set to address the nation about recent COVID spikes. Press secretary Jen Psaki confirmed the president’s intentions in a Saturday afternoon tweet.

Having three days to prepare seemingly leaves Biden plenty of time to practice his (or Kamala’s) speech often enough to avoid consecutive Ron Burgundy impersonations. Earlier this month, Biden concluded a tribute to the late Bob Dole by reading “end of message” from his teleprompter.

After announcing Biden’s plans to speak on Tuesday, Psaki detailed the president’s intentions. “POTUS will announce new steps the Administration is taking to help communities in need of assistance, while also issuing a stark warning of what the winter will look like for Americans that choose to remain unvaccinated,” tweeted Psaki.

Spoiler alert: we already know what winter will look like for Americans that duck the jab. Like we’ve already seen, some people will get sick: COVID, the flu, strep throat, etc. The elderly and immunocompromised, along with those who are obese, will be at risk of becoming seriously ill or even dying from all the above illnesses. Young, healthy people, aside from some outliers, will fully recover. Just as they did before March of 2020. No presidential address needed.

You can bet mentions of vaccines and masks will regularly appear on the teleprompter. And if that is in fact the case, POTUS may want to ask Brian Fantana to join him at the podium. Fantana could reassure those Americans tuning in that: they’ve done studies (on flattening the curve), you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

End of message.

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