Sarah Jones and The Bengals

By Zach Knott

Sarah Jones pleaded guilty yesterday to having inappropriate relations with a (at the time) 17 year old student.

Her punishment?

Five years of probation.

"I began a romantic relationship while he was a student and I was in a position of authority," Jones said. "Our romantic relationship included voluminous phone calls and text messages. I sent sexually explicit text messages to (the student) when he was a student.

"I had sexual contact including sexual intercourse with (the student) in Kenton County, Kentucky, while he was a student and I was a teacher."

She taught him when he was a freshman in 2008 and was his personal tutor in 2010 and 2011. Of course, as all of these female-teacher-having-sex-with-students-stories that actually get media attention have taught us the reason this made national news is because the teacher is not ugly.

In fact, she was a cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals.

So, we could talk about this at our water coolers and bars from the “why are hot teachers having sex with underage students” angle, but that’s been done. We have all said, “Where were these teachers when I was in high school?” or “These women can sleep with any guy they want if they just came to this bar!” For the record, she was seen leaving the courthouse with the student (who is now of legal age). She is pleading guilty to avoid jail time and forced sex offender status partly because the student’s family would not cooperate with prosecutors to build a case.

The Bengals were tied with the Chargers for having the second most arrests since June 2011, only one behind the Vikings. I’m not sure who gets the authority to allow a cheerleader arrest to join the numbers, but it has to, right? I allow it! Congratulations Cincinnati, you’re back in a tie for first! This is too good, mostly because when I looked up Cincinnati’s arrest record since 2000, I decided to make a Microsoft Excel report out of it… like, immediately.

Did I purposely end this article with the inclusion of Covington in 10% of the arrests just to make fun of Kentucky? Maybe.