LeBron Doesn't Care About Your Sick Dog; Turns Future Vet into Booty Model

Every now and again, in the midst of all of our sad, monotonous lives comes a tiny ray of sunshine beaming down onto our computer screens; a beacon of light that helps us trudge through the day. I like to look at it as a little sign from God telling us to buck up, that better times are ahead.

And those better times are now here, in the form of Josett Latrice's ass.

If you haven't yet had the religious experience known as witnessing Josett's backside, you can now take a moment to do so.

If you would've had the skillful, keen eye of King James, then you already would've discovered this true treasure of anatomy yourself. But luckily for you married fathers-of-three who don't spend your time perusing Instagram for booty pix, LeBron has got your back. (For a married father-of-three who spends his time finding boobs on Instagram see Travis, Clay.)

You see, Josett and her enormous ass were on track to become a distinguished veterinarian, blissfully unaware of the fact that for some odd reason, ALL of her patients were perfectly healthy dogs with perfectly creepy, lonely male owners! That is, until LeBron used his official ass-anointing powers and christened her butt as The Chosen One by "liking" it on Instagram, thus prompting Josett to abandon her animal-saving dreams and pursue "modeling." Basically, the King of the NBA doesn't care about your sick dog. But he does care about publicly giving desperate, delusional young girls false hope with the mere click of a button. Aren't sports fun? 

In a statement to TMZ, Josett said that LeBron's recognition (made during his self-imposed social media ban), was a true "sign from God" showing her that she is supposed to be a model. Just take a moment to absorb that last sentence. This means that somewhere in between God's busy schedule of restructuring Nepal and switching Bruce Jenner's pesky man-parts into beautiful lady-bits, that he made sure to set aside some time to figure out a way to give sweet, naive Josett a sign that her anatomy is meant for far bigger and better things than a veterinary waiting room. And God did that through his number one sign-giving tool, the holy grail: Instagram. HASHTAG BLESSED.

Josett also confirmed that she is NOT under any circumstances a "booty model," but that she is already planning for her future in the fashion industry. (Spoiler alert: "fashion industry" unanimously translates directly to "booty model" in slutty-girl vernacular. It's confusing, I know, but that's why I'm here to help you decipher these things. Josett knows she is holding a golden one-way ticket to Playboy but she will continue to refer to it as "fashion" until she sees her first large paycheck.)

First, I just have to point out that of course her name is Josett. This is not a super imperative angle of the story, but I wouldn't feel right about things if I didn't comment on the fact that stories like this don't ever involve an "Anne" or a "Charlotte" or an "Elizabeth." Stories like this involve a girl named "Brandee" or "Laycee" or "Krysstal" (yes, two S's, not a typo) or "Josett," and that is just the rule, everyone. Also, sort of going out on a limb here but if Josett has a boyfriend, his name is definitely Jaxson. Definitely.

Secondly, if Josett considers this mess a legitimate sign from God, I wonder what other "signs" she has received from the Big Man upstairs? A less-painful left nipple piercing? (The right one hurt like HELL but the left one was a total breeze, validating that shooting metal rods through her nipples was in fact what the Lord wanted her to do.)

Little does Josett realize that the REAL sign from God here is this story itself; a little gem of journalism that makes us all remember why we really follow sports in the first place. (This is the reason you guys all follow it, right? For ridiculous stories involving ridiculous athletes, right? Because honestly until you can come up with a better reason, I'm going with that.)

Josett's picture was originally posted on an Instagram account called @perfectbooties, but her personal Instagram also has an array of LeBron-approved shots. There, I've just given you two ways to spend the entire rest of your Tuesday, you creep.   

Can't wait to see Josett's upcoming high-fashion spread in Vogue magazine!