Jersey School Board Cancels Holiday Names, Seriously

What you’re about to read could induce vomiting. Hopefully there’s a trash can nearby. Per Fox News, the school board of Randolph Township in New Jersey, apparently full of mid-June snowflakes, has made the decision to nix holiday names from their school calendar.

Due to the pain and anguish so many have felt from nasty words like Christmas, Thanksgiving and God-forbid, Memorial, school academic calendars in Randolph Township are making a drastic change. Your child’s school will no longer recognize their day off as “Thanksgiving Day”, “Yom Kippur”, “Martin Luther King Day”, etc. According to the school board those names are too “hurtful”. Instead, the township’s schools will not identify holidays, they’ll just note these dates as: “day off”.

Dorene Roche, a school board member told Fox 5 the following: "If we don’t have anything on the calendar, we don’t have to have anyone hurt feelings or anything like that."

Located in Morris County, NJ, the school board unanimously approved this change.

Though I haven’t personally laid eyes on the agenda for the next school board meeting, I imagine the following will be up for vote, and likely pass:

Unfortunately for the Randolph Township school board, students will not be in class on the Fourth of July, and may be subject to hearing hurtful words like Independence Day.