How To Crush Valentine's Day This Year

Published|Updated

Somehow, someway, it’s almost Valentine’s Day 2022.

Do not ask me how we already blew past Christmas and New Year's, do not ask me why the month of January feels like it has 84 days in it, and, speaking of January, do not ask me why anyone in their right mind does "Dry January." Because my answer to all of these things will be “I have no effing idea," as I take a long sip of my chardonnay at 2 pm on a Tuesday. Just kidding. I typically wait until at least 3 pm. It's called "self control," people.


Anyways, Valentine’s Day is never a super big deal for me because my birthday is five days later, and I’d much rather save up all my obnoxious, extravagant requests for that instead. My husband Barton usually gets me flowers on V-Day though, which is nice. One year, he paid a homeless man to deliver some roses to me at my office which, although slightly alarming for my co-workers and me, was very savvy and resourceful of him. And last year, he presented me with a bouquet of carnations that were haphazardly spray-painted pink, with multi-colored glitter dripping off of them. I’m still not sure what gas station he found these bedazzled beauties at... (Remember, I can be grateful he remembered to get me flowers while still never letting him live this down. I CAN BE BOTH.)


Even though I’m personally not really into Valentine's Day, you might have a girlfriend or wife who is. So in the past, I’ve done V-Day gift guides for y’all, which I hope have been helpful. But then I realized handing your wife or girlfriend a gift takes only a couple minutes, and it got me thinking. What about the other 1,332 minutes in the day? There’s a LOT of time left in that day for you to still screw something up. So this year, I’m explaining how to crush V-Day from start to finish. 

Furry Slippers
Lounge Set
Kendra Scott Heart Necklace
Yoga Pants
Tula Brightening Eye Balm
Facial Cleansing Brush
Noise Canceling Headphones
Jade Roller
Capri Blue Scented Candle
Silk Pillowcase
Tea Mug With Infuser
Gucci Bloom Perfume
Le Specs Sunnies
Portable Cocktail Glass
Sunday Riley CEO Glow