Holly Sonders Drew Penises On Her Balls

Published|Updated

Well the final major of the season is in the books so there’s no real reason to watch golf on TV for another nine months. Unless you’re one of those who set their alarm for 3 a.m. to watch The Open Championship LIVE, you probably don't give a shit about the rest of the PGA Tour schedule. You know, you're the kind of dork who probably DM's Brooks Koepka three times a week thinking he really will respond to you about his workout routine.

Anyhow let’s focus on this week's letdown on Tour.

The 3M Championship is on tap this weekend. The what? Yeah I know. It’s in Minnesota. Among a lot of other useful products, 3M makes tape, and lots of it. For all I know, they might have made the tape I used in this photo:



This event marks the start of a six-week stretch they try to get us excited for (but nobody really fucking cares about) which culminates with the Tour Championship. Only four of the world's top 20 players will be in the field this week, seeing as everyone worthwhile blew their loads at Royal St George’s -- hmmm, that sounds like it should be a special channel on my own personal website, HollySonders.com -- and are likely somewhere tropical, aka ANYWHERE else but Minnesota all oiled up enjoying themselves). Anyhow, let’s make you some money this week. 

The one name that screams to me this week is Louis Oosthuizen (+1500) He was 9 holes away from closing the deal last weekend and looks to be in form to make it happen in Minny. I have no idea why he’s playing this week unless there are compromising photos of him threatening to be surfaced. I’m kidding but you laughed. 

The other opportunity I like is from our good friends at FanDuel. This is an odds boost at +200 for Tony Finau, Patrick Reed, and Matthew Wolff to all make the cut. Check it out at FanDuel.com.



PS ... And here's the penis story

Last week Bryson DeChambeau got into a tussle with his equipment sponsor Cobra. I was also sponsored by that company for five years. And Ben Schomin did all my club fitting and even caddied for me in celeb pro am's (see below). We drew penises on my golf balls and my name so when i lost them people would find them and knew they were mine. Long story short, Ben and all the hardworking people at Cobra/Puma are fucking AMAZING people and they have the sickest technology and products. I’m Holly Sonders and I approve this message.

That's me and the awesome Ben Schomin.