Game of Thrones: Season Eight, Episode 2

Well, here we are, the final night before the battle with the white walkers begins.

But first we have to get one last redemption tour for all the Winterfell crew, beginning with the Jaime Lannister last concert tour. Seriously, and I hope I'm wrong because I'd like to see him kill Cersei, this felt like Jaime tying up all the loose ends before dying in the battle against the white walkers.

Again, hope I'm wrong, but this episode was about him saying goodbye and making his amends before he disappears.

As always I do an immediate live reaction show on Periscope and Facebook the minute the show ends. Here was tonight's:

Let's dive right in to the show now.

1. We open with Jaime Lannister standing trial in front of Daenerys, Sansa, Jon Snow and Bran. 

"I don't see an army," Daenerys intones, "I see one man with one hand." (This, of course, is Daenerys coming face to face with the man who killed her father, the mad king, so we can certainly understand why she wasn't in a charitable mood. But everyone judging Jaime has reason to hate him too).

Tyrion attempts to interject a defense of Jaime, but is shot down by Daenerys.

Creepy Ass Bran creepily intones, "The things we do for love," but doesn't share info about Jaime pushing him off the wall for seeing he and Cersei having sex.

Brienne of Tarth stands and defends Jaime for protecting her. She tells Sansa that Sansa would be dead without Jaime and that she would have been raped and killed without him.

Ultimately Sansa trusts Brienne's opinion and when Daenerys turns to Jon Snow, he says, "We need every man we can get."

That settles it, Jaime lives.

Grey Worm gives Jaime back his sword and Jon leaves without speaking with Daenerys. Of course we know that at some point they will speak, but when?

2. Daenerys is still mad at Tyrion over Cersei's playing him. 

"Are you a traitor or a fool," she asks?

"I'm a fool," he replies.

"Not for the first time," Daenerys responds.

Later Jorah will appear and lobby for Tyrion to remain Daenerys's hand and still later she will decide to keep him as her primary adviser.

But first Gendry and Arya have to flirt more.

3. Gendry, all hot and steamy forging iron with his well developed shoulder muscles because he rowed for years, greets Arya, who wants to know what the white walkers are like. 

"Really bad," says the eloquent and loquacious Gendry. "They're like death."

"I know death," says Arya, "he's got many faces. I look forward to seeing this one."

4. Outside by the tree of life, creepy ass Bran sits by himself as Jaime Lannister approaches him. 

(By the way, how does Bran get around Winterfell? Seriously, is it really handicap accessible. Because he's getting up and down flights of stairs, rolling through the grass, he's everywhere by himself.)

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Jaime says.

Bran says not to worry, that Jaime was protecting his family. Furthermore, "I'm not that person any more... I'm something else now," says Bran. (This, of course, is true for Jaime as well. Both of the characters are totally different than they were in season one.)

Jaime asks Bran why he didn't tell everyone what he'd done, "You won't be able to help us in this fight if I let them murder you first."

"What about afterwards?"

"How do you know there's an afterwards," creepy ass Bran asks?

Not gonna lie, this is troubling.

If Bran can see everything -- the past, the present and the future -- why isn't he optimistic that something more is coming?

5. Jaime continues his awkward reunion tour with Tyrion.

Jaime tells Tyrion Cersei's pregnancy is real, which is as official as that news can be.

"She's always been good," says Jaime "about using the truth to tell lies."

"You always knew exactly what she was and you loved her anyway," Tyrion responds. Then Tyrion says he'd always hoped to die at eighty years old with a belly full of wine and his dick in someone's mouth.

Now he has to fantasize about killing Cersei as a white walker.

6. The Jaime Lannister reunion tour's next stop is with Lady Brienne, who will command the left flank of the Winterfell armies. 

"I'm not the fighter I used to be, but I'll be honored to serve under your command if you'll have me."

Lady Brienne chokes up and it's time for a battle over who has the most #hotgirlprivilege.

7. Daenerys and Sansa meet alone, a hot girl summit in a cold palace. 

Why aren't they getting along?

Jon Snow, of course.

Sansa tells Daenerys Jon loves her and that troubles her because, "Men do stupid things for women. They're easily manipulated."

But Daenerys flips the script on Sansa, "Tell me, who manipulated who? I'm here because I love your brother and I trust him," she says.

Daenerys goes on to say that Jon is the second man she's trusted.

"Who was the first?" Sansa asks.

"Someone taller," Daenerys responds.

Well done.

Next the conversation turns to the really important question, if Daenerys sits on the Iron Throne who will rule Winterfell?

Before that issue can be decided, an interruption -- Theon has returned. "I want to fight for Winterfell," he says, as Sansa rushes to hug him.

Her dickless adopted brother is here to save the day!

8. DON'T WORRY, LITTLE GIRL, THE CRYPT IS THE SAFEST PLACE TO BE IN THE CASTLE.

Call me crazy, guys, but I think the crypt isn't going to be that safe.

My wild theory? The Night King is a Stark and knows a secret way into the crypt under the castle walls.

Also, I think he'll bring all the Starks back to life and turn them into white walkers.

Are these crazy theories? We'll find out next week!

9. Tormund arrives!

What had once been the Jaime Lannister redemption tour now will turn into the Tormund stand up comedy routine.

"How long do we have?" Jon Snow asks.

"Before the sun comes up tomorrow," Tormund responds.

Then Tormund is ready to have some fun. "The big woman still here?" he asks.

10. In a war council meeting we get the most interesting information of the night.

"The Night King will come for me," says Creepy Ass Bran. "He wants to erase this world and I am its memory."

Bran suggests he be used as bait by the tree of life. But how will the Night King know where he is? "His mark is on me," Bran says, revealing scratches on his arm.

Will dragon fire work on the white walkers? Bran doesn't know, but Theon volunteers to keep watch of Bran with the Iron Born.

Here is my current theory on Bran -- I believe he will warg himself into the Night King -- or potentially into the night king's dragon or another of Daenery's dragon -- and will have to die in order for the Night King to die.

That is, I believe Bran and the Night King are inextricably connected and both have to die or both have to life. Next episode, I think both will die.

11. Tyrion drags a chair beside Bran and says he wants to know Bran's story. 

"It's a long story," Bran says.

"If only we were trapped in a castle in the middle of winter with nowhere to go," says Tyrion.

Significantly, we don't hear any of this conversation. Is it possible that Tyrion learns something important? Of course. What might that be? (Aside, of course, from Jaime throwing Bran off the castle wall while he's sleeping with Cersei? Who knows? But I'd guess Bran may know something significant about Tyrion. Potentially even, drum roll please, that Tyrion might be a Targareyen? Remember, Tyrion touched the dragon earlier and Tywin Lannister's final words were, "You're no son of mine!")

12. Missandei and Grey Worm want to spend the rest of their lives together on the beach. 

And I don't blame them one bit.

It's cold as hell in Winterfell.

13. Jon and Sam are on the wall with the last remaining member of the night's watch, Ed. 

The trio stares out into the night. (I believe Ghost, Jon's direwolf, is on the wall with them, but he isn't acknowledged at all.)

Ed says, "As if we needed any more evidence the world was ending," now we have it, Sam's a slayer of white walkers and lover of women.

Sam eventually realizes he isn't going to be a fighter, even though he was the first to kill a white walker, and eventually gives his family sword -- valyrian steel no less -- to Jorah. "I hope we win," he says.

14. Tyrion, Jaime, Podrick, Lady Brienne, Davos and Tormund all drink in front of the fire. 

All of them, as they acknowledge, at some point in the show tried to kill the Starks and now they all may die defending Winterfell.

Tormund, who shows up with his horn full of liquor, says he killed a giant when he was ten and then spent the next three months breastfeeding from the giant's wife because she thought he was her kid.

"Maybe I will have that drink" says Davos.

Still later in front of the fire, Lady Brienne is asked why she isn't a knight.

"Women can't be knights," says Lady Brienne.

"Fuck tradition," says Tormund.

Eventually Jaime knights Lady Brienne and she's pronounced Sir Brienne of Tarth.

This makes me sad, but how can Jaime Lannister complete his narrative redemption arc -- on Easter no less -- and survive for the rest of this show?

I feel like he's a goner.

Then Podrick sings a sad song and we get a medley of all the people in the castle in love.

I'm telling y'all, for as sappy as this season has been at times, next week better be totally kick ass.

15. Arya finds the Hound drinking outside on the wall.

"You never used to shut up and now you're just sitting there like a mute," says The Hound, when she sits beside him.

"When was the last time you fought for anyone but yourself?" Arya asks.

"I fought for you, didn't I?" says The Hound.

Before anything more interesting can happen, Beric Dondarrion arrives and starts waxing eloquent about the Lord of Lights until The Hound says he'll throw him off the ramparts and kill him again if he doesn't shut up.

16. Gendry and Arya have sex the night before both think they will die. 

Arya asks Gendry if he's a virgin.

"I didn't keep count," he says.

"Yes, you did," says Arya.

"Three," says Gendry.

Go Arya! You were like nine years old when this show started and now you're topless having sex.

By the way, if she gets pregnant here how many different claims could we have on the Iron Throne?

(Also, Arya topless paid off at 15-1. I know, I know, it was just side boob, but they're still counting it as a win.)

16.  Daenerys finds Jon in the crypt, in front of the Lyanna Stark statue. 

Interestingly, there appears to be a direwolf alongside Lyanna's statue.

Daenerys approaches Jon and says she heard her brother was a good guy, but, you know, on the negative side, also that he raped Lyanna.

"He didn't. He loved her," says Jon, "They were married in secret."

Then he tells the Daenerys the story of his past.

"My name, my real name," says Jon Snow, "is Aegon Targaryen."

"It's impossible," says Daenerys.

"I wish it were," says Jon.

Then Daenerys calls the story into question, pointing out how convenient it is that the only two people in world who knew the story were Jon's brother, Bran, and his best friend, Sam.

But if it were true Jon would be the last Targaryen male heir and -- "You'd have a claim to the Iron Throne," says Daenerys.

But, and this is key, AT NO POINT DURING THIS SUDDEN REVELATION DOES DAENERYS POINT THAT SHE HAS BEEN BANGING HER NEPHEW! And at no point does Jon -- or Sam or Bran -- point out that he's been banging his aunt.

God bless Thrones.

Anyway, a bugle blows before the two can converse any longer!

Talk about a cliffhanger.

At this exact moment, who should arrive, but the Night King!

And as Jon and Daenerys walk outside what do they do? They stand on either side of Tyrion.

Think about this for a minute.

Why would Tyrion need to be in this scene standing between Daenerys and Jon right after Jon discloses he's actually a Targaryen? It's because Tyrion's a Targaryen too! I think the mad king was Tyrion's father and that Tyrion too might have a claim on the Iron Throne since he'd be the oldest surviving child of the mad king.

Does Tyrion have any clue yet? Maybe, it's possible Bran told him.

Of course it's also possible I'm crazy and the scene of the three of them was completely coincidental. But, remember, Tyrion touched the dragon back in season six.

So far the only three people to touch a dragon and live are Daenerys and Jon, both of whom we know are Targaryen's, and Tyrion. Think that isn't enough? The only three characters we know whose mothers died in childbirth? Daenerys, Jon Snow, and Tyrion.

Come on!

I'm telling y'all, this revelation is coming.

Because, remember, Game of Thrones made its mark as a show of surprises where you had to expect the unexpected. And when's the last time we had a true surprise? The Red Wedding? Jon Snow's death and resurrection? We've got to have another big one soon.

I'm betting it's Tyrion being a Targaryen and the Starks coming back to life in the crypt.

But in the meantime, let's get ready to rumble!

...

Here's my review of Season 8, episode 1.

And you guys can read all of my reviews of the past four seasons of Game of Thrones here.