Ending Dates Early, Catfishing, Naked Gaming Distractions & Can You Pass The Beckham Test?

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Remember that book?

Admittedly, I was only 3 years old when it was published. So innocent. I hadn't yet experienced the magic of true love, the awkwardness of a first date or the nightmarish hellscape of Tinder. I was sitting in my backyard, cutting all the hair off my Barbies and just vibing.

But three decades later, the premise of the book has stood the test of time. And it's a simple one: The most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological differences between the sexes.

Men complain that women are too hard to understand. Women complain that men just don't listen. We live in our own worlds based on our own experiences, and it can be hard to bridge that gap.

That's where I come in.

So gather 'round, primarily male OutKick audience. Consider me your womansplainer. Every Friday, I'm going to dive into all things dating, marriage, sex and relationships.

I'm not here to lecture you. In fact, you might be surprised how often I agree with you.

I'm here so we can laugh, debate and often find common ground on the issues that plague modern relationships. And yeah, we're going to make fun of those celebrities and social media "influencers" who think they have it all figured out.

But I'm counting on audience participation here: Email me (Amber.Harding@OutKick.com) your thoughts, questions, dating fails, dating successes, gripes about the opposite sex, whatever. Anything goes. Consider me your "Dear Abby" ...but way more fun.

Men might be from Mars, and women might be from Venus. But we have to co-exist here on Earth. So let's make it fun.

TikTok Trend: Can Your Relationship Pass 'The Beckham Test'?

Last month, Netflix released a limited docuseries called Beckham — which highlights retired soccer star David Beckham's "rise from humble working-class beginnings to football stardom." The series gives us a behind-the-scenes look at his home life and his relationship with his wife, Victoria.

One particular scene has taken TikTok by storm. And many hopeless romantics are calling it the ultimate couple goals.

Watch:

Ah, yes. The $450 million retired soccer star dancing in sync to "Islands in the Stream" with his Spice Girl wife while sipping a beer in the three-seasons room of their $15 million farmhouse.

Super relatable!

Thus, a new TikTok challenge has begun: The Beckham Challenge. And just so you don't get caught off guard, here's how it works.

Women blast Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's classic duet on a speaker and attempt to dance with their partners. If he joins in and grooves along with her, he passes the test. If he doesn't, she sends him off to be melted down at a glue factory.

Just kidding about that second part. I think.

Some examples:

Gen Z is calling this "The Beckham Dance." Sweet summer children, what David and Victoria were doing is The Electric Slide.

I digress.

Should you have to participate in a dumb TikTok challenge in order to prove your love for your lady? Absolutely not.

But that's not really the point, either.

She's not expecting you to bust out a choreographed dance routine. She's really just looking for your attention — for you to drop what you're doing for a couple of minutes and focus on her. Dance, hug her, give her a high five, tell her her butt looks nice. Honestly, any of these will work just fine.

Just, whatever you do, please, please do not be this guy:

This gorgeous woman came floating in the room in her wedding dress and he couldn't even bother to look up from his phone. And on their anniversary?!

What a loser.

Remember the Naked Video Game Challenge?

Don't Google that on a work computer.

But this Beckham thing is basically a PG version of an old social media trend that happened during the pandemic: Women with gamer husbands and boyfriends would walk into the room naked to see if they could distract their men from his video games.

A lot of men understood the assignment.

But it was ASTOUNDING how many guys couldn't look away from Super Mario (or whatever you dudes are pushing buttons for these days) long enough to even notice their lady was standing there with no clothes on. Or worse — noticed and didn't care.

When I told my husband about this, he said, "What kind of pathetic dork would rather play video games than have sex?"

That's the energy, fellas.

Yes, social media challenges are stupid. And we shouldn't be comparing our own relationships to those of celebrity couples we don't even know.

But that's not really what it's about. So if your girl tries to pull the Beckham Challenge on you, just give her the attention she's asking for.

This is not a battle worth battling. And you aren't too cool for it.

Rob is not wasting his time.

Last week on Nightcaps, I asked y'all to share with me your worst first dates ever. But Rob, I'm not even sure this qualifies as a date.

Back in the mid '80s I was attending the Law Enforcement Academy in the Seattle area, and needless to say, we liked to blow off some steam on the weekends. My Academy dorm roomie was from a County south of us that had a truly kick butt Honky Tonk, pretty rare for the Pacific NW, but it was fun while it lasted, and we spent a few Saturday nights there. 

My roomie talks me into going on a blind date with a girl he swore would be great for me...now, I'm in my early 20s and very single at the time, but sure, why not? He sets it up, I'll pick her up at her house and meet our group at the Honky Tonk. Well, turns out her place was quite aways north of the Bar, but I had agreed to the date, so felt obligated to follow through. 

I arrive at the appointed time, and she meets me on the walkway before I can even get to the door. She's pretty cute, seemed friendly enough, so after brief intros, we get into my car and we start heading south. We're not on our way more than 2 minutes, when she says "Do you think you could get me home early tonight?"  

Ok....so I take the next exit, and we roll right back up to her house. As I pull up I look over to her and say "do you think this is early enough?" I jump out, open her door for her (I was raised right) and as she walks back to front door says "will you call me?" I just climbed back into my car and left for the Honky Tonk...solo.

Amber:

Rob really dropped her off early without even a burger and a grape snow cone. (If you don't understand that reference, you need another trip to the honky tonk.)

Regardless, you probably did the right thing. No one wants to be pestered all night with the ol' whiny, "When can we leave?" Especially on a first date. I would say you should have billed her for the gas money you wasted driving all the way up there, but gas was only, like, 75 cents in the 80s.

Bruce is a man of few words.

But to quote the great philosopher Kevin Malone, "Why waste time say lot word when few do trick?"

Speaking of failed relationships, I have two expensive hobbies: Golf and Ex Wives.

Amber:

Bruce, I'm counting on insight like this every week.

I believe that's where we get the phrase, "It's cheaper to keep her." At least you can play golf whenever you want now, though.

And speaking of money...

John has thoughts about who pays for a date.

Let's hear him out.

If both people have met in person before, whoever asks the other one out (usually the guy) should pay.  However, if it's a blind date (internet date) on the first date it should be a place of mutual agreement, and I believe both should go Dutch. If it gets to a second date, the guy would be expected to pay.

From a guy's perspective, there's nothing worse than showing up for a date, finding the woman used ten year old pictures on her profile, and she doesn't look anything like what you thought she would.  Then she expects a free meal, when all you want to do is get out of there. Had that happen a few times, and met a girl once who admitted she was eight years older than she had claimed to be. Not cool.

Amber:

Two completely separate issues here. When it comes to payment, you and I are on opposite pages. I've said it before, but I'll shout it from the rooftops if you need me to. The man should pay for the first date. I'm just old fashioned like that. If we make it to subsequent dates, we can take turns. Going Dutch is only for friends.

As far as the pictures go, women feel the same way. It's not uniquely a female thing to misrepresent themselves on dating apps. Plenty of guys do it, too. (Are you 6'0 or are you 5'9 with a big personality?)

When people make dating profile, of course they use the absolute most flattering photos of themselves. They're not posting what they look like when they wake up in the morning after a few too many bourbons and bad decisions.

Camera angles and filters do amazing things.

That said, blatant lying isn't OK, either. And if the woman is just completely dishonest about who she is, what she does or how old she is, I think you're perfectly within your rights to be honest. Say, "Hey, we can have a drink, but this isn't going to work for me." She might think you're an asshole, but you've already decided you're never seeing her again anyway.

Or she might turn out to be super cool, and you end up looking past the fact that she exaggerated a little to get your attention.

But if it were our friend Rob up there, the date would look something like this:

I'm not mad. I respect it.

Happy Ending

No, not that kind.

But I think every once in a while, we need a reminder that everything doesn't suck.

Meet Irene and Bob, who have been best buddies for 64 years.

Now go find your best buddy, play "Islands in the Stream" and turn it up to 10.

Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Fridays.

Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.