Cameron Diaz Is All For 'Sleep Divorce' And More Than One-Third Of Americans Agree
Cameron Diaz and her husband Benji Madden (the guitarist from Good Charlotte) have been married since 2015. Sure, eight years might not seem like that long. But in celebrity marriage years, it's a lifetime.
And apparently there's a simple secret to their happiness: They don't sleep together.
In fact, if it were up to her, they wouldn't even sleep in the same house.
"To me, I would literally, I have my house, you have yours," she said last week on the Lipstick on the Rim podcast. "We have the family house in the middle."
(Photo by Donato Sardella/Getty Images for REVOLVE)
Well, Cameron, most of us can't afford three houses. So for the poors out there, she has another solution.
"I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I'm fine," she said. "And we have the bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations."
And if you're wondering why they can't use one of their two bedrooms for "relations," you've clearly never been forced to sleep in the wet spot.
But apparently, Cameron and Benji are onto something.
One-Third Of U.S. Adults Have Filed For Sleep Divorce
It's no secret that poor sleep makes you grouchy. Grouchy people are hard to live with. So, according to experts, "sleep divorce" might be the solution if you're having marital problems.
In a recent survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 35 percent of respondents said they sleep in a different room than their partner — either occasionally or every night.
"We know that poor sleep can worsen your mood, and those who are sleep deprived are more likely to argue with their partners," Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, said in a statement.
"Getting a good night's sleep is important for both health and happiness, so it's no surprise that some couples choose to sleep apart for their overall well-being."
And this TikToker even said it's saving her marriage.
"It's pretty sexy to be able to invite each other over," she said.
Invite each other over? Are you married or are you 17? Does he sneak in after curfew and climb out of your window when you're done, too?
Let me rewind and say that if you and your significant other do sleep in separate bedrooms and it works for you, that's great. You do you.
But I could never.
Chalk it up to my newlywed status if you want, but I'm a sleep cuddler. I fall asleep as the little spoon every single night. And it would hurt my achy breaky heart if my husband told me he wanted a sleep divorce.
That said, I get why some people do it.
Maybe one person snores like a freight train. Maybe one lies still while the other tosses and turns. And maybe the two just have completely different sleep and work schedules.
How To Deal With Your Annoying Sleep Partner
If you are on the verge of a sleep divorce and you don't want to be, I have some possible workarounds.
Get A Better Mattress
Still sleeping on the same mattress you had in college? It's time for an upgrade. Even if you can't spend thousands on one of those fancy Sleep Number things, a quality mattress that doesn't creak and throw you in the air every time your partner turns over will go a long way in improving your sleep.
Similarly, if your wife wants to spring for high-thread count sheets and good pillows, don't fight her on it. The more comfortable she is, the more comfortable you are.
You know what they say: Happy wife, better sleep.
White Noise Machines
Once you get a white noise machine, you'll wonder how you ever slept without one. We use ours every night and even take it when we're traveling. A subtle white noise drowns out distracting little sounds that keep you awake — including light snoring.
According to that survey I mentioned earlier, 15 percent of adults use ear plugs to make sleeping with a partner a bit more peaceful. So that's an option, too.
Now, if you have one of those bellowing snores that nearly rattles the house off its foundation, a white noise machine or ear plugs probably won't do much. Maybe see a doctor.
(Getty Images)
Sleep Naked
"Your body temperature plays a crucial role in the timing of your sleep," said Sammy Margo, a physiotherapist and sleep expert.
"It's linked to your circadian rhythm — the internal body clock which controls your sleep-wake cycle. Falling into a deep sleep is linked to cooling your body, so allowing your body to cool down by sleeping naked can signal to you that it's time to sleep."
Plus, it's way sexier — leading to "increased physical and emotional intimacy."
That's because skin-to-skin contact increases the production of oxytocin, the hormone associated with love and bonding.
According to studies, sleeping nude also supposedly reduces stress and anxiety, prevents weight gain, lowers the risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes, promotes vaginal health, increases male fertility and boosts self-esteem.
Can't argue with the science! Ditch those Mickey Mouse PJs and get snuggled up.
Scandinavian Sleeping
And finally, here's what I think is the best compromise between spooning and sleep divorce. Scandinavian sleeping is where couples sleep in the same bed but use separate bedding.
So if one person is always hot or one is always cold, problem solved. You can pick your own sheets and blanket. Your partner tosses and turns or steals all the covers? No longer an issue.
Apparently, Scandinavian sleeping is a real game changer for a lot of couples.
Thoughts on sleep divorce? Does your spouse have an annoying sleep habit you can't stand? Tried Scandinavian? Send me an email at Amber.Harding@outkick.com.
Rapid Fire Of Internet Stuff I Liked:
I snort laughed at this one.
We love a self aware king.
Honestly, I think the husband nailed this one.
This next one is an accurate depiction all of you men, and you can fight me if you don't like it.
Christmas Went Well For Anonymous
Amber- I have to give you your props for the stocking lecture a few weeks back. I usually fill my wife's stocking with candy, and the kids usually pirate most of that. This year I decided to take your advice and refresh her makeup stash.
I'm a man, so what do I know about face paint? I took a picture of her makeup counter, showed it to an employee at Sephora and asked her to pick out a few things for me based on what my wife currently uses.
My wife was floored when she opened her stocking on Christmas morning and couldn't believe I thought of that all by myself. Even called her sister to see if she did it for me. I think I've earned enough brownie points to last me until at least Valentines. Or I hope so. Anyway, good call.
Amber:
I love this for you, Anonymous. And recruiting the Sephora employee for help was a clutch move. Just know you've raised the bar, and you're going to have to bring that same energy next year.
Daniel Not Impressed With Video Game Warriors
Enjoy the variety of answers and in particular, the one person that was attracted to the men of her Grandfather's era. She makes a great point comparing different generations of males.
At 15-17, the males (really just boys) of her Grandfather's era were lying to sneak into the military and serve. The only fighting today's male sees is on Mortal Combat and Call of Duty!
Who would you feel more secure with?
Amber:
Definitely a different generation. I hate to be that old woman shaking her fist from her rocking chair like, "These kids and their video games!" But... these kids and their video games.
My husband and his buddies (many of them law enforcement and former military) not only get together at the range each weekend. But once a month, they have what they call "Proficiency Party," where they learn useful survival skills like land navigation, medical and bushcraft.
To some, they might just be a bunch of dorks out in the woods. But if the sh-t really hits the fan or the zombie apocalypse happens, I know for sure I'm in good hands. Plus, I get texts like this.
In all seriousness, though, it does feel like the younger generation is in trouble. They have a rampant obsession with screens: boys with their video games and porn and girls with their fake Instagram personas and TikTok videos.
They all live in a fake digital world while the real world passes them by. Kind of sad, actually.
Guy: No Hoopla, Just Vacations
Guy (his name) had some thoughts about my question: "Do men want to celebrate their birthdays?"
Our family, wife and 3 kids, now travel for birthdays. We find something or somewhere to go, and experience something different. Youngest boy got baseball last year, girl got aquarium this year, wife has been taken destination skiing a couple times.
I always downplay mine. I don't care about it, no one else should either. That being said, we usually take a vacation, as it’s a perfect time of year to hike. This year, we planned, booked and mapped out everything we were doing. It wasn't until the last day of the trip, days after the birthday, that any of us remembered that we missed it. Perfect. No hoopla, no fanfare, just time away without anyone caring about screens or stupid birthdays.
Amber:
I know you're saying celebrating birthdays is stupid, Guy, but you're also describing how you celebrate birthdays.
When I talk about guys celebrating their birthdays, I don't necessarily mean party hats, pony rides and blowing out candles. Celebrating can come in many forms. And in your case, it's traveling. That's the best form of birthday partying, in my opinion.
Rob From Texas
On men and birthdays... I fall into the "it's just another day" category in general, however my beautiful wife of nearly 36 years likes to celebrate. So back in the spring, I turned 60, and we had no plans (or so I thought) just invited some friends over for a drink and a swim.
My wife, however, had been secretly planning a real party for months, and she knocked it out of the park. First, my oldest and best friend shows up unannounced from Spokane (we grew up in Western WA, just south of Seattle) turns out she flew him into DFW the night before. Then other great old friends from around Texas showed up, she'd been calling around for weeks planning and making sure they'd show, but not tell! And it was just getting started.
Imagine my surprise when the Bourbon tasting team showed up....yep, we sampled five outstanding bourbons and rated them in a blind taste test. Not over yet....then the caterer shows up with the food...WOW. Spectacular BBQ, chicken, just excellent. The attached pic is the party group, what an outstanding day, thanks to one amazing woman whom I truly don't deserve. I would take experiences like this over any material gift everyday.
Amber:
Rob, I love this, and I love even more how you talk about your wife.
And — not picking on you, Rob — but to summarize every email I've received on this topic: "I don't care about birthdays, but here's the really great way I like to celebrate my birthday." LOL.
So think we're all saying the same thing but in different ways: Guys don't want to make a big deal about their own birthdays. But they still love a good time. And if that good time happens to fall around the anniversary of their birth, well then that's just fine.
But if you ARE too cool to get together with good friends, eat BBQ and taste bourbons for your birthday, then you live in a sad existence I want no part of.
Next Week: New Year's Resolutions
For the first Womansplaining of 2024, we're talking New Year's Resolutions, so send 'em my way!
Are you setting any goals with your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend? Gonna start hitting the gym together, budgeting better or taking more trips? If you're single, are you giving up online dating?
Let me hear it — anything goes. You know the email: Amber.Harding@outkick.com.
Happy Ending
If you ever want to restore your faith in humanity, you need to be following Gerald Stratford on Twitter. He's a retired fisherman and gardener who lives in England.
The man is an absolute powerhouse of positivity, and he regularly shares photos of the vegetables he grows, his dog and other things that bring him joy.
Here's him and his wife Elizabeth sending you holiday greetings.
I'm with the Stratfords — raising a toast to y'all and the New Year.
Thanks for reading, and don't forget to kiss your lady when the clock strikes midnight.
Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Fridays.
Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.