A Defense Of Brittany Mahomes, Taking Your Girlfriend To The Super Bowl & Craigslist Dating Champ Checks In
I cannot believe it's come to this. But I am here to defend Brittany Mahomes.
The wife of the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback set the Internet ablaze Thursday when news broke that she'd make her Sports Illustrated Swimsuit rookie debut in 2024. And by "set the Internet ablaze," I mean people were irrationally angry about it.
My entire timeline was full of men complaining about how hideously ugly Brittany is — that she's somehow unworthy of a coveted spread on the pages of the failing magazine.
…OK.
Listen, I'm not a huge fan of SI Swimsuit. I think it's gross and disrespectful for married men to slobber over women who aren't their wives. (A lot of you are going to come at me for that statement. That's fine.) I'm also anti-porn and anti-strip club, while we're at it. But that's a soap box for another day.
Still, I'm willing to set aside my personal beliefs in order to combat the ridiculous notion that Brittany Mahomes is somehow yucky to look at.
Because the Internet reactions to her bikini photos have been completely unhinged
Horse face.
Gross.
No one wants to see that.
Airbrushed within an inch of her life.
My brothers in Christ, if you think Brittany is the first bikini model to be heavily Photoshopped and airbrushed for a magazine or Instagram, I have several bridges to sell you.
Anyway, put aside the fact that she's Mrs. Mahomes. If you're a single guy and the woman above approaches you on a beach or at a bar, you're not saying no. Not a chance. Tell me every woman you've ever had sex with looks better than that, and I'm calling you a liar.
But she's annoying.
I agree. No one hates the Chiefs more than I do. I am sick and tired of watching Brittany's husband go to the Super Bowl every year. And I'd rather mow my lawn with a dull pair of left-handed scissors than watch one more TikTok video of Jackson dancing and Britt screaming her face off.
But am I delusional enough to convince myself she's a hideous beast? Of course not.
"Personality is more than titties and looks to most people," one person tweeted at me.
Sure. If you're looking for someone to date or marry. But none of you are picking up a copy of SI Swimsuit to look at the personalities.
So hate on Brittany all you want. Her secret handshakes with Taylor Swift, her screaming, her ability to piggyback off her husband's success to make herself a star, her rumored poor treatment of waitstaff — all fair game. She's just the worst!
But she ain't ugly.
Who Would You Take To The Super Bowl?
In Tuesday's Nightcaps, I explained a situation in which a man won two tickets to the Super Bowl. He decided to take his best friend — the guy who watches the games with him every single Sunday. But his girlfriend is pissed he didn't choose her.
Here are the facts:
- Her birthday is the day before the Super Bowl, so she feels like he's abandoning her on her birthday.
- She doesn't care about football. But she is excited that Taylor Swift will be there.
- The buddy is a huge football fan and will actually appreciate the game.
So I asked OutKick readers: Who's side are you on — the girlfriend or the boyfriend?
Here are a few takes:
PAT: This will be a gender-divided topic. Both women present at our table of the company happy hour said as girlfriends, they would expect to go even though they did not care about football. Guys were not really forthcoming with an answer, because the women spoke first and we are a political correct company. LOL.. I set them straight.
A friend explained to me a long time ago when a woman wants you to make a decision of who you love most.. Me or the dog, you choose the dog, because a good woman would not challenge who you love with an ultimatum. Plus, the dog loves you unconditionally. Your girlfriend could dump you at anytime, so make a life-long memory and take your best friend to the Super Bowl. If the couple is married, then, of course, you take your wife.
REGHINALD: I do not think that it is much of a "dilemma." It’s a no brainer to bring the best friend. The girlfriend never exhibited an interest in football, it appears, so why should she be rewarded? (If mustachioed #87 of the AFC Championship team's significant other wasn't there, would she still be interested?) If I was in this "dilemma," I am taking one of my buddies that I watch several games with, but make the compromise that I’d do something nice and celebratory the night before with just her (and/or her friends). Aren't relationships about compromise(s)?
If the girlfriend won tickets to see her favorite artist in person, and the boyfriend wasn’t a fan, would she take him? I don’t know about all that, but we’ll never know.
BRAD: I have to go with taking his buddy. For a football fan it is the ultimate, unforgettable experience. I took my buddy once with tix I was comped — eternal gratitude. His GF will see more of Taylor Swift at home on her TV than she will at the game.
The clinching gambit: for her birthday buy her Taylor Swift concert tix and spring for the personal meet and greet pre-concert. Maybe, I should be writing a relationship advice column.
MIKE: End of the day, she's his girlfriend, not his wife. That dynamic would change things, but at the bf/gf stage the friend definitely should go. Like you said, take them both. Heck, the friend might have a girlfriend or wife, then game day problem solved.
ANONYMOUS: Your solution, take your girlfriend to Vegas, and your friend to the game. Then when you get back from the trip, find a new girlfriend.
FRANK: I would take the girlfriend, because I know I would get anything I require from her.
And with that, Frank might be the smartest one of us all.
Let's open the mailbag.
Norm Mastered Craigslist Dating
I was very entertained by your dual red flag columns. So much so, that it brought back memories of my Craigslist dating days, and the excellent ad I wrote with a list of demands… or at least preferences, along with my pertinent characteristics.
Looking back, it’s a bit dated. I wrote it between 2001 and 2006, when I was around 30 years old and living in the Bay Area. I’m originally from Buffalo and got divorced around 2001 in CA, so I was jumping back into the pool on the other side of the country, mostly alone and still very bitter. This ad worked wonderfully to break the ice — I got dozens of responses over a couple years on Craigslist when the Bay Area was the only Craigslist. And before the general public ruined it.
While I never met The One directly through this ad, much of it was based on a lady I knew who was in another relationship at the time. We eventually got together and 20 years later, we have three amazing kids.
I had about six other ads I used to much less success. I’d post them all in succession, so I could filter the SPAM responses. I’d keep track of posts, contacts and responses in a spreadsheet to stay organized. Fun times.
Amber:
A/B testing Craigslist personal ads and organizing responses into a spreadsheet is some serious dedication to the cause. I'm not sure anyone can top that.
Albeit lengthy, that PDF is a work of art. It's blunt, honest and thorough, yet you somehow come out not looking like a jerk. And the fact that it was modeled after your now-wife and mother of your children? Bravo, Norm.
This email brings back some memories for me, too — though not as fond as Norm's.
How Craigslist Ruined My First Relationship
I dated my first boyfriend for two years. My first actual boyfriend, that is — not like the fourth-grade boyfriend you hold hands with on the playground.
Anyway, we dated our senior year of high school and my freshman year of college. When I went off to school in Tennessee, he went off to Camp Pendleton (California) to join the Marine Corps. So you already know how this is going to end. But like an idiot, I remained faithful to him the whole time. I wrote him letters while he was in boot camp, flew out to visit whenever I had a break from school and proudly rocked a "Semper Fi" sticker on my truck.
Then I found out he was cheating on me with women he met on Craigslist. Basically, every single one he could find. And he certainly didn't have a lengthy PDF list of standards like Norm did. If you think Brittany Mahomes is ugly, these women might as well have been the orcs from Lord of the Rings.
Anyway, it's funny now. It was not funny when I was 19 and heartbroken. Really messed up my self-esteem for a long time.
Moral of the story, kids: Go to college single.
Gary's Getting Test-y
I enjoyed your article on the subject of dating red flags for men and women. But it raised a thought for me.
I find the practice of "testing" partners or spouses as a red flag on the character of those that test. If I knew my spouse, friend or partner was conducting secret tests to measure the quality of my character, friendship or affection; I would distance myself from them. I certainly would find better people as friends, lovers or partners. During the time I was divorced and dating, I was once accused of being cheap because I didn’t want to take a woman out to dinner. My response was that I have never bought dinner for anyone I liked to get them to be my friend. I felt that once we became friends, then I had no problem with springing for drinks or even dinner.
Is "testing" friends now a common practice to grade the quality of friendships? Or is it better to enjoy the quirks, character traits and shortcomings because you enjoy their company? Do the tests prove that we pick a higher class of associates or spouses than other people? Sounds like vanity, like "my life is better than yours." That’s a red flag for me.
Amber:
Gary, I really think a guy who refuses to pay for drinks or dinner is going to have a tough time dating.
Grant Has Some More Dating App Red Flags
I found your article about dating app red flags to be thought provoking. Here are some I'll add from my experience (primarily OK Cupid):
1. The lengthy profile essay (100+ words). If this requires me to scroll, hard no. Clearly a head case. I have a writing background. Economy of words is essential.
2. Group shots. Just like women swipe left on men who have photos of themselves with other women, same applies to us. Also applies to all female group shots. Half the time I can't tell whose profile it is.
3. The woman who clearly is not located where she claims to be from. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. When I see a profile of an Asian, African, or Latin woman and all the photos indicate she's in a tropical location, I can quickly ascertain she is not from 'San Francisco', or 'Fremont', or 'Atherton.' Likewise, for Eastern European women in places that look like Russia. Rather, she's looking for an American sugar daddy.
4. Profile pics with COVID face masks. The alleged pandemic ended nearly two years ago. Why do you still have profile pics of yourself wearing a face mask?
5. The "What are you here for?" question. I cannot tell you how many times I've been asked this question after I've matched with a woman. My standard response: "It's a dating app. Step 1: Go on a date. Step 2: See what happens." Lately, I use that as grounds to un-match because this is going nowhere.
Amber:
If you hate lengthy profile essays, man, you'd really hate my friend Norm.
The COVID face mask is a pure virtue signal. There's simply no reason to cover your face in a photo on a dating app — even at the height of the pandemic. It's like back in 2020 when people wore masks in their social media profile photos just to show how self-righteous they were.
To play devil's advocate, though, I think the "What are you here for?" question is legitimate. Some men (and women) are on dating apps just to get laid — not necessarily to date or to find someone to build a long-term relationship. I think it's a fair question to ask so that neither one of you is wasting your time if you want different things.
Mike On Proposals, Rings & DJs
My wife and I got married in '92, met working at Disneyland (you can find it on Screencaps). I proposed in the parking lot of Angels stadium, they were losing and we left early.
Two limos from the church to the reception, stopped for pictures on the way and they couldn't start one of the limos afterward. I jumped in, figured it out, and we got back on the road. The L.A. riots from the Rodney King verdict were going on and my buddy who was taking care of my wife's ring called me and said, "See that building burning? Your ring is in the building next door." We actually used a ring of my mom's and got my wife's ring a few weeks later.
Years ago, I helped another buddy with his DJ business. I'm doing a wedding for a couple. The bride and MOH were blind but still knew how to party. We had a sheet to select any songs you didn't want us to play. I fired up "You Shook Me All Night Long" because it wasn't on the list. One of the groomsmen comes running over and says I need to stop the song. I said it wasn't on the list. I faded it out into another song, got booed and went on with the reception. End of the night, the groom and a groomsman came up to me and started in again. Told him again it wasn't on the damn list. After an awkward silence, they shuffled off.
Amber:
A real man would have rushed past the burning building to rescue the ring, Mike. (I'm kidding — what a story, though.)
The wedding "do not play" list is crucial. Mine included: mumble rap, Luke Bryan, Cardi B and literally anything my 27-year-old niece tries to request.
Chris Says The Best Wedding Is A Brewery Wedding
Took my then-girlfriend to Block Island for a weekend away. Proposed to her that weekend on the beach. As time went on, we both decided we were going to keep it as simple as a wedding can be.
We said our vows barefoot on the beach with the closest 30 people in our lives. After pictures and tears of happiness, we headed to our local brewery for a celebration that's still being talked about. Fully catered, unlimited open bar and just a great relaxing evening with a DJ providing music
We had the whole brewery to ourselves for 5 hours. A total success that's still talked about 23 years later.
Amber:
This sounds like the ideal wedding to attend. If anyone needs to fill a seat at their open bar brewery nuptials, feel free to send the invite to Amber.Harding@outkick.com.
Happy Ending
Nothing turns us all into kids again like a couple feet of snow.
Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Fridays.
Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.